Not relevant to this post, but I discovered this blog yesterday and spent all evening reading through it. I am a 32 year old woman and I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's five weeks ago. I'm currently going through what I think is "normal" grief - for the "me that will never be"....your blog has helped me to find a sense of identity, and I wanted to thank you.
I have an appointment to confirm the diagnosis of asperger's soon and found this blog while researching.I'm currently undergoing treatment for clinical depression and the psychiatrist suggested I have autistic tendencies such as my inability to to "feel" for the last 15 years.In the last couple years I found a hobby I am obsessed with and a man who makes my heart ache every time I think of him. I got injured and can't do my hobby anymore and the man is getting married to someone else. Now i'm flooded with grief.I end up crying without realising it and I can't stop. I tried staying away from him and I had a physical breakdown, vomiting, stopped sleeping, crying and screaming 24/7.I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to cope. I've never believed in love, what people label love isn't what I read in books. It isn't forever for other people. But I haven't thought about another man since the day I met him, he's my best friend, the most beautiful person i've ever seen and we met in the gym where I taught him my hobby, my sport.I can't live without him, when he gets married, i'll die.How can I go back to not feeling? How can I shut down again so it doesn't hurt anymore?Asperger's is like a blessing and a curse all in one. For so long I wouldn't let myself feel, now it's overwhelming.
I too have this love that reduces me to tears and gut wrenching pain every I think of the woman I finally fell, for after decades of nothing, whose now married. Although I've always vowed to never pursue a married woman, I try to illicit a response from her. I just can't believe she could be happy with anyone else, as arrogant as that may be. My feelings are so strong. Now I'm stuck with songs like 'Burn for you' from John Farnham and ' Someone like you' by Adele to torture my self with. Agony.How can I love another? Blessing and curse indeed.
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