It's funny but I usually don't feel like I get tripped up taking language and expressions literally. Not the way classic aspies do anyway.
I'm generally clear about my expressions when I use them both in real life and on this blog. If I decide to use one:
for example; "beat around the bush", I'll usually enclose it in inverted commas.
Even when talking, if I use an expression, I'll either use a different inflection or I'll draw virtual inverted commas as I use it.
So yeah, I like to think that I'm immune to expression problems.
Even so, I've had my share of bad ones most notably my "bring a plate" cringeworthy example. I don't think I'll ever recover from that. It was very, very embarrassing. Then of course, there's the time I asked someone how badly they needed to use a toilet because ours was "only for emergencies". My wife, of course loves to remind me of the time I changed a tyre by throwing the old one away.
I've grown out of them though. I've learned "all" of the expressions that exist and I pick up on new ones fairly soon (often after a little embarrassment). <-- Yes, that's all mean't to be sarcastic.
Or so I felt.
Making a Selection
My wife and I went out to afternoon tea last weekend and I was feeling really hungry. She ordered a cake and tea.
I tried to go one better. I saw a menu item marked;
"a selection of small cakes with cream or ice cream".
That sounds good I thought but just to be sure, I asked what cakes were in the selection - I hate sultanas and didn't want to get any of those.
Nope, they were all nice sounding cakes.
"Ok, I'll have that one", I said.
"Which cake sir?", came the reply.
"uh... the sele.ect..ion" I replied, as it slowly dawned on me that maybe it wasn't a plate full of petite cakes..
Why would they be "small cakes" if you only got one? I thought. That's silly.
"do I have to choose just one?", I said somewhat unnecessarily.
I looked over at my wife. She was nodding in embarrassment.
Luckily, I think our waiter belived I was joking, or he was very polite.
I chose a lemon tart and he walked away.
"oops... I think I got away with it", I said as my wife facepalmed.