Skip to main content

Drawing the Line on Media Access for your Child with Asperger's Syndrome: Part 4 Developing a Plan


In my last few posts, I've looked at the positive and negative effects of media and device access for children with Asperger's syndrome.  It's clear that while our children certainly benefit more from the media than their neurotypical peers, excessive access is still quite harmful.


In this post, I want to look at some techniques for limiting media access and overcoming the negatives in a sustainable way.

A word on Sustainability
No technique is worth using unless it is sustainable. If your partner isn't going to stick to the rules and routine, then it simply won't work. Similarly, if you think that you can only stick to a new routine for a few weeks, then it's no good. In that case, you should choose a different routine - one that is sustainable.

The Use of Rules and Routines
Children with Asperger's syndrome handle rules extremely well. That's not to say that they will obey them without reinforcement but simply that clearly stated (and written) rules have the best chance of being followed.

Here is a sample set of rules/routine that we use in our house on school days;

Before School
NO Toy Room, NO TV, NO Games, NO Computers

7am Get up
Get Dressed in YOUR OWN room
Put your socks on.
Go to breakfast

7.45 Breakfast Ends whether you're finished or not.
No going upstairs after breakfast
Brush Teeth and Hair, Wash face
Put your lunch in your bag.

8.15 Leave for school
Mum will do a bedroom & toy room inspection while you are at school.

After School
Come inside
Take Bags to the table.
Empty Bags - give notes to mum.
Empty Pockets - rubbish to go in the bin
Get Lunchboxes out of bags, empty rubbish and put on kitchen bench
Put Bags in cupboard
Put shoes in cupboard
No going upstairs until after homework.

If your rooms and toyroom are already tidy, free time otherwise tidying time.
Free Time until 5pm but No Games and No Computer - If it's not raining, go outside.
Snacks - Fruit, Bread and cordial ONLY - No PACKETS.

5pm Homework hour - 5pm until 6pm

6pm Bathtime and Put Pyjamas on
Hang up uniform.
Mum will inspect.
WHEN OK, then you can play in the toy room or computers, games etc.

7pm Dinner

8pm Bed

8.30pm Lights out.



Offer Rewards
It's always easier to stick to a routine if you have an incentive such as a reward. Food rewards (sweets) are extremely effective but have a lot of side-effects both health and hyperactive. Money works with most older children but things get expensive very quickly and you'll find that the kids quickly start to assign value to certain tasks and will only pursue those they deem "worthwhile".

In my experience the best and most sustainable rewards systems are the intangible ones. In particular, free time, TV time, game time and computer time.

There are other kinds of intangible rewards too;

My kids for example will sometimes be rewarded with a "lunch order" which means that they can get fresh lunch from school instead of having to take sandwiches.

Sometimes the reward is an extra-half hour of "staying up" and sometimes it's "an award of choice". For example, I'll often tell the kids to come downstairs wearing their pyjamas. The first one downstairs and correctly attired gets to pick their drink or dinner plate. Depending on the meal, they may opt for the largest or the smallest but the reward itself is "choice".

It's very easy to give out little rewards like this randomly and it gives you, the parents, a motivational edge. Personally, I don't tell my kids that there is a reward for completion of a small task like getting changed first. Instead I offer it on a whim. This gets the kids reacting all of the time without locking me into promises.

In the sample routine, you'll notice that I specify end-points like bed time but not necessarily beginning points. This provides its own reward because the kids know that the sooner they complete a task, such as showering, the more free time they will have.

Keep them Busy
Kids use the media out of habit when they are bored. It makes sense for the kids to use media on rainy days although there are other options too then, like board games, hide and seek and playing with toys. On sunny days however, kids should really be outside.

Unfortunately, something is missing in many of today's kids; the spirit of adventure. In many ways, it is our society that is to blame. We see every stranger as a paedophile, every cut or bruise as potentially gangreous and every kid as potentially a "bad influence". In our over-protection, we've taken away our children's independence. I use scouting as a way of combating this and I'll happily let my 11 year old walk to the park or to the shops.  He's allowed to go by himself but we prefer it when he takes his 8 year old brother too.  Nothing makes me a prouder dad and scout leader than when my son does appropriate preparation before an outing. This means;

  • Taking a look outside at the weather
  • Taking a backpack
  • Taking water
  • Taking food
  • Taking a buddy (his brother)
  • Telling us where he is going
  • Wearing appropriate clothes
  • Wearing covered in shoes and socks.
  • Wearing a hat (or at least taking one if it's not sunny right now).

I was floored the first time he did this.

Be Engaged or Provide Distractions
There's no sense in putting your kids outside if you're going to confine them in an area (the backyard) with nothing to play with. Swings are often not enough and even the most enthusiastic jumper will eventually get bored of the trampoline. As a parent, you need to find the time to go outside and play too or at least find a way to vary the outside routine.

If you can do this, you'll find that electronic distractions will be quickly forgotten.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Lots of good ideas here!

Meanwhile, I just saw this article about some online video games: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18280000

Parents should definitely be aware of this if and when they let their kids play those games!

What more do you recommend when the media itself is a good or neutral influence but some of the other participants are setting very bad examples...?

Popular posts from this blog

Aspie Myths - "He Won't Miss Me"

I apologise for the excessive "male-orientated" viewpoint in this post. I tried to keep it neutral but somehow, it just works better when explained from a male viewpoint. Here's a phrase that I've seen repeated throughout the comments on this blog on several occasions; "I know that he won't miss me when I'm gone because he's aspie" Today, we're going to (try to) bust that myth; Individuals I'll start off with a reminder that everyone is an individual. If all aspies were completely alike and predictible, they'd be a stereotype but they're not. Each is shaped by their background, their upbringing, their beliefs and their local customs. An aspie who grew up with loud abusive parents has a reasonable chance of becoming loud and abusive themselves because in some cases, that's all they know. That's how they think adults are supposed to behave. In other cases, aspies who grew up in those circumstances do a complete about-fa

Why Do Aspies Suddenly Back-Off in Relationships? (Part 1)

One of the most frequent questions I'm asked is why an aspie (or suspected aspie) suddenly goes "cold" and backs off on an otherwise good relationship. It's a difficult question and the answers would vary considerably from one person to another and would depend greatly on the circumstances. Nevertheless, I'll try to point out some possibilities. Negative Reasons I generally like to stay positive on this blog and assume that people are not necessarily "evil" but simply misguided. Unfortunately, I do have to acknowledge that there are some people out there who take advantage of others. I read a book a few years ago on "sociopaths in the workplace" and I was stunned by the figures. They suggested that sociopaths were so common that most workplaces (small business) had at least one or two. The fact is that there are lots of people out there who really feel very little for others and who are very manipulative. I'd like to say that aspies aren

Why do Aspies Suddenly Back Off in Relationships (Part 2)

In part one, we looked at the role that Change Resistance plays in causing aspies to suddenly go "cold" in otherwise good relationships. This time, I want to look at self esteem and depression; Self Esteem The aspie relationship with themselves is tedious at best. People with Asperger's commonly suffer from low self esteem. As discussed in earlier posts, this low self esteem often results from years of emotional turmoil resulting from their poor social skills. Aspies are often their own worst enemy. They can over analyze situations and responses in an effort to capture lost nonverbal communication. This often causes them to invent problems and to imagine replies. Everything made up by aspies will tend to be tainted with their own self image. This is one of reasons that people with Asperger's will sometimes decide that they are not good enough for their partner and that they must let them go. Sometimes, the aspie will develop a notion of chivalry or self-sacrific