tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post3675714354584942688..comments2024-03-19T08:40:36.481+11:00Comments on Life with Aspergers: Working on Your Asperger-Neurotypical Relationship - Part 1 TalkingGavin Bollardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-67127356603765906842017-03-21T12:35:22.777+11:002017-03-21T12:35:22.777+11:00Hi There,
My boyfriend (bit rocky so maybe soon n...Hi There, <br />My boyfriend (bit rocky so maybe soon not to be) has recently dropped it on me that he beleives I have autism due to the following: I am very good at my job and i click my fingers (i do bite them and then I always just thought I was picking at my fingernails if they arent in my mouth), I get fixated on things (ie; if we have a disagreement, i need to sort it out and him to see where I was coming from and for me to perhaps u derstand and apologise where I see I may have been wrong etc - however he is does not apologise in return even though I have asked him multiple times that i respect people more when they admit they are wrong or say sorry). <br />He also says I cannot self regulate? When I am upset even for a silly thing... I have tried to communicate to him from the start and a quick hug to not let me get out of control upset is all i really need most times or for him to just be light hearted and pull a face or make us smile but he says I need to learn to self regulate so he wont hug me when i am upset most of the time which makes me even more upset. <br />I dont seem to have social problems as I am seem to be quite likable and sociable and can travel on my own or with people. I have a sister with aspergers and ocd etc but i never thought that I may have something? Yes, i can be a little quirky and like things my way but, i dont mind this... i laugh it off. Obviously I would be a low spectrum but how to know?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-47692096846818599302014-07-21T09:42:53.597+10:002014-07-21T09:42:53.597+10:00Thank you Gavin:)
I am excited about my future wit...Thank you Gavin:)<br />I am excited about my future with my boyfriend who has AS. Though things can be crazy frustrating at times, I believe that with a clear understanding of AS we will inspire and help each other. It is not an easy road to travel, but I am very much in this for both of us:)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-54486477808046941962012-02-02T07:44:55.374+11:002012-02-02T07:44:55.374+11:00Hi Gavin, thanks so much for your post it is reall...Hi Gavin, thanks so much for your post it is really insightful! I am dating a gentleman with aspergers syndome and at times, I too have found the communication between to be a struggle. I have found that using sites like http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-ep to be helpful in better understanding people with aspergers syndrome and learn to communicate with them better as well. It has definitely helped me and I suggest taking a look!Barb Lnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-29789061524607088142011-12-30T22:17:05.402+11:002011-12-30T22:17:05.402+11:00My wife recently left me for another man who was i...My wife recently left me for another man who was interstate (married) and they communicated secretly via SMS and email. He had been "appreciating" her 40 times a day via SMS. Unfortunately, as an Aspie who was already having trouble letting her know how much I loved her, there was no way I could compete with that... especially as I didn't know it was going on. Now she is living with him in Sydney (he left his wife).<br /><br />I felt the whole time we were trying to communicate it was like trying to speak through bulletproof glass. We could see that each other was saying something... but we had no idea what...<br /><br />Strangely enough, when I discovered the affair (and the fact there had been an earlier affair from 2004-2007 with a different man) the trauma seems to have freed me up to the extent that my friends say I don't seem to have AS anymore. I'm a completely different person - able to express myself, have eye contact, and approach strangers and talk about them.<br /><br />In fact my wife said that I am finally the man she "always wanted me to be"... but she had made a "commitment" to this new man and felt she needed to follow through with him or he would be very upset.<br /><br />And thus ends my second marriage :(<br /><br />If only I had read this post earlier... how much earlier though? I suspect after 2004 our marriage was already over. At least that's what my wife told me before she left. How she stuck around saying things were fine for 7 years I will never know...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-30325307697613158342011-12-30T06:57:02.062+11:002011-12-30T06:57:02.062+11:00This reminds me of the things I've been dealin...This reminds me of the things I've been dealing with in my marraige of 7 years now. I'm the one diagnosed with Asperger's. He has ADHD and was diagnosed Bipolar as a child. (but we aren't really sure about that one now) We also have 3 children with Autism and ADHD, and 2 without a dx so far. <br /><br />I really appreciate your blog. I have for awhile now, wondered if my husband might be on the spectrum. After all, ADHD and Bipolar symptoms could be autism. <br /><br />In our relationship, he is quiet most of the time and really doesn't participate in much. He is withdrawn and depressed, angry, sullen, and passive aggressive. Being aspie, I find him confusing. Nearly 100% of the time I am confused by what he says, what he means, or what to do next. Of course, I think that I'm doing everything right and try to follow all the things I've learned about conversations. (Two years in DBT classes really were helpful) In the end, I'm still confused and I feel like our relationship is lacking and slipping away. <br /><br />The biggest thing that stood out for me in your post was about change. I'm having a hard time with the changes my husband has been going through. I feel like everything that made us a team, and made us fall in love.. has changed. And it makes me feel uneasy and unsure. My husband feels like its his right to change whatever he wants, and of course he's right.. but its scary for me. I can't seem to shake the confusion.<br /><br />I've linked to your blog from mine at http://beyondautism.blogspot.com/Beyond Autismhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17132896646864694465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-74343301752419601842011-12-28T09:07:39.959+11:002011-12-28T09:07:39.959+11:00I'm a female Aspie in a relationship with an N...I'm a female Aspie in a relationship with an NT man. Your conversations with your wife look a lot like the ones I've had with my husband. I'm only recently diagnosed and still baffled by the realization that for my entire life I've been misunderstanding what's going on. In the past I've blamed the other person for being stupid or just gotten mad and or drunk. No wonder this is my 3rd marriage!Pennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12735745787631065552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-78601571295909169912011-12-27T08:22:18.986+11:002011-12-27T08:22:18.986+11:00http://sunsuperdreams.com.au/dream/view/ipads-for-...http://sunsuperdreams.com.au/dream/view/ipads-for-special-needs-children<br />A4cwsn need's your vote!! <br />Last few days to vote for 10 Australia Special Needs Children to get iPads to help them! I hope you can get a minute to go vote, and don't forget to verify your vote! Pass it on!! :) Thank you!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10845235860827934198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-1052789654406327972011-12-22T01:59:15.729+11:002011-12-22T01:59:15.729+11:00Hi.
Thank you for your blog. I am dating or have d...Hi.<br />Thank you for your blog. I am dating or have dated a man with aspergers. I'm not really sure what we are. Anyway, the "I'd like to be appreciated more" is something I told him. I haven't given up on him and I'm still trying to understand<br /><br />SusanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-64411802377967789442011-12-18T21:58:06.832+11:002011-12-18T21:58:06.832+11:00Gavin, this is not about this post particularly. ...Gavin, this is not about this post particularly. I know you reach a lot of people. I just started reading "Living well on the Spectrum" by Valerie L. Gaus. It's a workbook format and it's really, really good, and I haven't found anything else like it. I think you should buy it and review it so more people will know about it.eaucoinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03572252291115673745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-22432684813859151402011-12-18T08:59:40.850+11:002011-12-18T08:59:40.850+11:00@Steve,
It's usually not Aspergers itself tha...@Steve,<br /><br />It's usually not Aspergers itself that people want to talk about in relationships but rather the symptoms.<br /><br />The best way forward is often to think about the good and bad behaviours; OCD, Meltdowns, Eye Contact, Readability of Emotions, Limited range of discussions etc... and start a discussion on them.<br /><br />Aspergers is just an easy way to lump a whole lot of symptoms together.<br /><br />Actually, the best relationship discussions are centered firmly around wants and needs. <br /><br />What does partner X need/want and how can partner y provide it?<br /><br />If not, why not (this is where you talk about the symptoms) and what is the alternative. (What could serve a similar purpose).Gavin Bollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-59102072557862204842011-12-18T02:20:16.505+11:002011-12-18T02:20:16.505+11:00Gavin, what a great topic. I've written a cou...Gavin, what a great topic. I've written a couple of articles regarding the topic of Aspie dating and marriage. A question I have for you is this: a reader once asked me how to bring up the subject of Aspergers to her undiagnosed husband. She was afraid he would shut her out/be defensive. Any thoughts?Steve-Prospering With Aspergershttp://www.myaspergers.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-29506806209579776422011-12-17T00:37:04.692+11:002011-12-17T00:37:04.692+11:00Thank you Gavin!
Not sure how well I would have m...Thank you Gavin!<br /><br />Not sure how well I would have managed this NT/AS journey without your helpful comments and posts. <br /><br />Sincerely,<br />aspmomAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-14770994447288691712011-12-16T11:13:58.763+11:002011-12-16T11:13:58.763+11:00Hello! I love your blog! I have one at theaspiesou...Hello! I love your blog! I have one at theaspiesource.com I am going to share this wit a coworker who is in an Aspie-NT relationship. Stay in touch maybe you can post on my blog sometime! I am 24 and while I have a lot of experience with ASD, there is still much to learn and share. Take care!<br /><br />JustinJ-Mohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11186299844777435950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-58130915844757206892011-12-15T12:18:28.642+11:002011-12-15T12:18:28.642+11:00Hello, I'm a female Aspie. My partner does mos...Hello, I'm a female Aspie. My partner does most of the talking when we're together. He talks about the things he likes. I like to listen to people, so I don't mind. He lets me talk about anything I want to when I want to talk.<br />As far as talking "about us" goes, we have a system that if we are unhappy in any way with the other we say so up front as soon as possible, and how it could be better. When we are happy with each other we say so.<br />I'll keep what you said in mind when I'm talking to NT females. Thank you for making blogs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-56328084891905320102011-12-14T20:59:06.532+11:002011-12-14T20:59:06.532+11:00Strong echoes of my wife and me here - I think I&#...Strong echoes of my wife and me here - I think I've got a better insight into what she's thinking now. Many thanks, Gavin.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09354093815575911456noreply@blogger.com