tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post4334472906676974317..comments2024-03-19T08:40:36.481+11:00Comments on Life with Aspergers: The Aspie Meltdown - An Insiders Point of View - Part 1Gavin Bollardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comBlogger80125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-45269097153470646402022-04-21T09:11:35.156+10:002022-04-21T09:11:35.156+10:00I can't believe it. Just had one. This stupid ...I can't believe it. Just had one. This stupid laptop - I lost my comment when the damn touchpad (well me actually!) did something to delete what I wrote a moment ago and here I am retracing my steps. I nearly destroyed the thing. It got more than a light tap beside the keyboard.<br /><br />Meltdowns were an infrequent part of my life until recently (I'm now 68). Probably the result of a lifetime of pent-up frustrations. Triggers are either when I screw up and have to re-do something or when my wife mentions that something needs doing and then in the next breath when I begin to do it says "it doesn't have to be done NOW". Man does that get me. If it doesn't need to be done now, why did you ask now?? Or I am doing something and have to drop everything to hear some totally irrelevant and specious bit of "information", watch a cat video on youtube or something. Or have to repeat saying something because she is hard of hearing and refuses to wear the hearing aids she paid a fortune for.<br /><br />When I am doing something, particularly technical it demands ALL my attention. Like driving which I describe as a fulltime job. I hate driving with other people in the car. Listening to music on the radio is fine but conversations require thnking on my part and I CANNOT give the road my full attention AND conduct a conversation. Never mind cellphones!<br /><br />When I botch something in my garage work/hobby place I can be pretty hard on myself; I have lost some treble register hearing in my left ear (in addition to what I did while playing in loud bands years ago) as a result of giving myself a good hard smack or three around the ear. My meltdowns don't last long but I do need recovery time to get things back on track. Until I discovered your wonderful and helpful blog Gavin which has for the first time in my life made me understand who and what I really am I thought I was just going mad with age.MWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-85718384583773394332019-10-14T11:04:23.829+11:002019-10-14T11:04:23.829+11:00Wow, that is really insightful.Wow, that is really insightful.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16639100162701164132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-62046741991059565162017-06-04T02:07:57.044+10:002017-06-04T02:07:57.044+10:00my son was diagnosed 11 years ago at age 26 as hav...my son was diagnosed 11 years ago at age 26 as having asperger's - now they are saying he doesn't have autism but has a narcissistic personality disorder. He has been so stressed at work it caused a meltdown. Apparently there is no trace on his medical records of being told he has asperger's. I have asked his GP to refer him to a specialist to diagnose for autism as I strongly believe he has autism in some form and/or ADHD. I was told that he has been told to stop referring cases like this as they don't have enough resources. I don't accept that just because a psychiatric nurse has told my son he doesn't have asperger's that we should have to accept this. The nurse also told me that"we all have a level of autism", downplaying the difficulties my son has. Does anyone have any advice as to what we can do?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-34142203702672993102017-04-10T14:09:53.728+10:002017-04-10T14:09:53.728+10:00Hey Anon at September 18, 2016 at 10:52 PM
You sa...Hey Anon at September 18, 2016 at 10:52 PM<br /><br />You say "And my loved ones: they love me, they love someone who happens to have Aspergers; if you had someone who loved you despite you being a complete dick then maybe you'd understand."<br /><br />who do *you* love despite that person being a complete dick *to you*?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-37222429181916259522017-03-06T12:52:37.022+11:002017-03-06T12:52:37.022+11:00You don't have to be "normal" to not...You don't have to be "normal" to not want to stay friends with someone who treats you badly, no matter *why* that person treats you badly!<br /><br />If you had to stay friends with people no matter how they treated you, youn'd have much less time to spend with the people who *do* treat you well and who you're able to enjoy spending time with!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-28024439871454042122016-09-18T22:52:51.119+10:002016-09-18T22:52:51.119+10:00Anonymous @ 22/10/2015 I was wondering whether you...Anonymous @ 22/10/2015 I was wondering whether your opinion was that of a medically trained professional or someone who is full of crap who believes they're the embodiment or normal?<br /><br />As an Aspie do you think I care about offending insensitive individuals such as yourself when your "understanding" is very limited and you don't care about offending us?<br /><br />So whilst you may think this is the response you want it's obvious you're just a pathetic troll with no life and I'm writing this to educate and inform people who don't have their heads up their own arse like you do.<br /><br />And my loved ones: they love me, they love someone who happens to have Aspergers; if you had someone who loved you despite you being a complete dick then maybe you'd understand.<br /><br />I know that those who love me do so because of who I am.<br /><br />It's not a choice, however what is a choice is how you're acting right now and it makes you look like a sad loner with no friends.<br /><br />I pity you and hope you get the help you obviously need; heck maybe your acting out here from behind the safety of a computer screen is indicative of having Aspergers yourself, in which case you have no reason to feel shame about it; embrace it like we do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-54776293569669322352016-07-09T15:01:37.986+10:002016-07-09T15:01:37.986+10:00This explains a real lot about myself! 😩 This explains a real lot about myself! 😩 Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-49402501927641501162016-06-09T05:44:32.774+10:002016-06-09T05:44:32.774+10:00Hi Nicola Houghton! I know it's no consolation...Hi Nicola Houghton! I know it's no consolation but you're not the only mum of a daughter who's been overlooked/ sidelined/ misdiagnosed. My daughter is 14 next week. We always knew she was individual but she seemed to cope with primary school, took part in team and competitive sports( everything from netball, hockey, swimming, tae kwondo, kayaking, pony clud etc) etc up until she was about 10 then everything went awol. She became increasingly negative about everyone and everything. Her "faddy" eating turned into full-blown anorexia(she's 5'7 and she went from 9st to under 6st at her worst), self- harmed, became increasingly abusive and violent, withdrew socially from all her clubs, activities, friends etc, and began school refusing. we tried changing schools, a specialist PRU for children with social/ emotional issues and eventually resorted to home-schooling. At her worst she basically wouldn't get out of bed for several weeks and her only communication was to say " just leave me alone and let me die- why did you even have me?"I've basically spent the last 8 months as a hostage in my own house as her social anxiety has become so severe. Throughout her life friends and family members have accused me of neglect ( i ran my own business until she was 8 - she was cared for by my parents when i was working), over- indulgence( she's spoilt! ) and having a general lack of discipline( something my two older children would question sincerely.) It's taken us 'till now to get anywhere near a formal diagnosis, GP's, schools, Camhs etc have been hopeless! But when I showed her an article by Tony Attwood she immediately said" I'm not mad then- that's me! I've got Aspergers, and so has Dad!" Nothing much has changed as a result. I think she feels relieved to have a diagnosis she understands, but like all teenagers/ kids is playing on it somewhat. The hardest thing is finding a balance between her AS behaviour and her just being a teenager. We're quite liberal in our house so swearing etc is ok in context, but the constant negativity, verbal and physical abuse, is wearing. As is the disturbed sleep: at 1am yesterday morning she was bouncing on our bed hitting us with a feather duster because we'd turned the internet router off. Friends and family would say: tell her to go to bed/ that's not suitable behaviour etc. It took me 'till 3:30am to talk her down. The good news is she's starting to re-engage socially: whereas she used to invite 5/6 friends over at once ( i suppose it's easy to hide in a group that big) she now has 2 distinct friends who are ok'd/ allowed. She's beginning to learn her own tolerances when out and about: "I'm hungry; I need to eat or I'll get really grumpy", " I can't do f***ing people anymore, can we just get out of here?" were really positive for me this weekend when she wanted to go shopping in York. It meant she'd recognized and identified her own potential triggers. She's challenging, exhausting and obtuse but she's starting to manage her behavior. As usual it's those closest to home who pay the price for her managing her behaviour outside of home. I've always said i didn't care what they did at home as long as they behaved elsewhere. She takes that to new extremes!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-58105198967129900182016-05-06T11:00:24.948+10:002016-05-06T11:00:24.948+10:00My boyfriend is an aspie, and yesterday he had a m...My boyfriend is an aspie, and yesterday he had a meltdown. I tried helping him and it quite worked out fine. He was more calmed after I hugged him and talked to him. But today he has been depressed and down. He's an amazing person, I love him deeply and accept him just the way he is! Wouldn't change a thing! I'm so blessed!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00425787598952744717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-3178043140909624152016-04-21T07:46:44.488+10:002016-04-21T07:46:44.488+10:00I have a 11 year old daughter and for the past 8 y...I have a 11 year old daughter and for the past 8 year seven doctors have neglected my daughter's medical needs. Every doctor has stated she has behavioral problems, Until Sep 2014, one doctor noticed my daughter would not give eye contact, he also noticed she did not correspond with the doctor. She did all the rocking etc etc. My daughter is very violent and the police have had to come to our home and speak to her. It has been very stressful, My daughter has had one part of the Assessment I had to go to my MP. We now getting the second assessment brought forward. I feel it is sickening to know that our females are been neglected by the medical world. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09504752393079919260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-8905778578382613852016-04-20T08:32:04.664+10:002016-04-20T08:32:04.664+10:00I am 28 years old and just learning about my asper...I am 28 years old and just learning about my aspergers. My meltdowns are very much the internal depression oriented ones. I've mistakenly believed to just be bipolar my whole life. I've recently had a breakup with my fiance of several years and I feel like I've been in a meltdown for over a week. I've missed lots of work, spend my entire days off crying and going back in forth from the bath back to bed. I've shut myself out completely from everyone. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-89221207240710198262016-04-19T03:16:41.836+10:002016-04-19T03:16:41.836+10:00If his work merits it, give him the promotion. Do...If his work merits it, give him the promotion. Don't take his meltdowns personally but look upon it as you would a tic in someone with Tourette's. Aspies deserve the greatest compassion one can muster. I send love and peace to all Aspies.Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00368307087315327800noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-12202275200839974052016-02-29T05:04:42.985+11:002016-02-29T05:04:42.985+11:00My grandson has recently been diagnosed with Asper...My grandson has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. I am devastated for him and my daughter and myself. I have and need to be strong because my daughter is not either strong or well. I'm scared. I am 65 and feel 100. I live in USA. Your blog has helped me understand but I am afraid I won't be able to help him in the years to come.Maryanne Cerisenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-2173564348729628922015-12-24T04:09:04.402+11:002015-12-24T04:09:04.402+11:00Hello all. I am a grandma of a beautiful, smart 3 ...Hello all. I am a grandma of a beautiful, smart 3 year old boy and I think he might have AS. <br />I am waiting till after the holidays to talk to my daughter but I am very nervous as she is very protective over him and I don't know how she will take this. If anyone has any advise I <br />would appreciate it. Thank youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-68081712100270893522015-12-05T00:16:53.130+11:002015-12-05T00:16:53.130+11:00I have been diagnosed with ADHD and aspergers rece...I have been diagnosed with ADHD and aspergers recently after years of depression I had a meltdown last night and couldn't turn into work today am I weak or is this allowed I feel guilty and that il be misunderstood in my job as I haven't told them the real reason of not turning up am I weak for not going on today and not having the energy or control to put on the mask I wear everyday to everyone else I'm afraid il be misunderstood if I tell the real reason. So am I being weak for not going to work today I haven't givin up I know I will be able to return tomorrow I'm not looking for an op out or special treatment any advise would be great kindest regards Jamie.Jamienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-7535950525351994252015-12-04T23:30:03.948+11:002015-12-04T23:30:03.948+11:00I'm only dealing and starting to understand as...I'm only dealing and starting to understand aspergers I'm 30 years old and taught I suffered with depression for years! I was diagnosed with ADHD and aspergers I'm at the limbo or transformation stage of understanding and owning it (I hope) but having meltdowns anxiety attacks needs to be alone feelings of confusion exhaustion and feel I have to give myself a motivated speech every day just to take one more step. Anyway I have hope that I will come to understand myself in time but its effecting my life as expected but how do I tell my boss or someone that's not so close to me that I can't come into work today because iv been awake all night and day having a meltdown I find maybe the little things you have to keep juggling while trying to come to terms with yourself can't effect me so much and I have the want to just run away from everything what do I do should I keep pushing myself to go to work after a meltdown or take a day off and recharge?????Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02277101913458415532noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-35188704839008252942015-11-07T02:42:51.323+11:002015-11-07T02:42:51.323+11:00It was with mixed feelings that I read this articl...It was with mixed feelings that I read this article. My 20 year old son who had Asperger's committed suicide in September. During my last conversation with him, he said that he was so angry that he was afraid that he was going to hurt someone, and ultimately decided to take himself "out of the game" before he did something that he would regret. He had made such significant strides in coping since being diagnosed, but there were times that it was just too much. <br /><br />It saddens me know that he did not feel he had any other options. But I respect his choice. Thank you for writing an article that described the rages, and my son so well. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-34125462080486324882015-10-22T07:28:29.507+11:002015-10-22T07:28:29.507+11:00It doesn't change the fact it's unacceptab...It doesn't change the fact it's unacceptable behavior. Take control of your emotions or risk offending others as well as losing your loved ones. Your choice. Peoples understanding has limits. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-39337067243727247152015-10-15T09:21:57.279+11:002015-10-15T09:21:57.279+11:00Has anyone any advice about how a NT is to negotia...Has anyone any advice about how a NT is to negotiate a relationship after an Aspie meltdown? I am NT, involved in a close friendship/sexless love affair with somebody who shows man, many characteristics of Aspergers. Shortly after a lovely friendly evening out he turned on me, raging, bizarrely accusing me of being crazy, unethical and immoral. I didn't argue back--it would have been useless. Then he rushed off for a day, returned and seemed briefly anxious to appease me, but no verbal apology. I suspect the explosion was brought on by the coincidence of me pushing him to be less avoidant of my friends (foolish, I know), me mentioning Aspergers, and at the same period, unbeknownst to me, a work friend was urging him to get therapy or anti-anxiety drugs for behavior that is making his work life difficult. Obviously all sources of stress, shame and anger to him.<br /><br />A week later I referred once to the raging and asked if he remembered it or were ashamed? Oh no,he said, not ashamed, he stood by every word. Since then I have felt very constrained around him--if I am so loathsome, why does he stick around? I have tried to make his life calm and stable, to offer affection and support, and thought I was succeeding. If it isn't working why doesn't he leave? With a NT partner I could either discuss and negotiate our differences or the relationship would be over. With him I can't really discuss this without creating panic or anger.<br /><br />Has anyone any advice as to how seriously I should take this? Is it the beginning of the end or is this something that aspies do, just one of the many things I have to adjust to as I gradually learn more about the condition? Should I just forget it as he seems to have done and move on?<br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-48405161095388600932015-09-29T11:47:28.820+10:002015-09-29T11:47:28.820+10:00Thank you so much for making me feel slightly more...Thank you so much for making me feel slightly more normal. I am 18 and, although it is rare, I still have tantrum-like meltdowns. I have not been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome but my mother was a special education teacher for many years and she believes that there is a high chance that I am aspie. When I have meltdowns part of me knows that I'm being over the top about things but I still cant control it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-41874398455692654572015-02-12T19:28:47.458+11:002015-02-12T19:28:47.458+11:00I have a healed broken fist, after slamming it int...I have a healed broken fist, after slamming it into a brick wall full force, 33 years ago. A manipulative idiot had been tormenting me for a week. I tried to endure. The minute I was free of him I went berserk. Also I had a craving to smash a wall with my fist long time previously, so I wanted to find out what it was like. And I did. I've found that all my 'meltdowns' are controlled and purposeful. Others may not see that but they are just trying to fit me in the pigeon-holes of their fantasy NT world (how deluded they are). I hit a wall rather than my tormenter. I experiment on myself, I do not make innocent people suffer. I respect innocence above all. It's a rule I live by. brucenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-68232906083640663612014-03-28T12:42:53.143+11:002014-03-28T12:42:53.143+11:00I scored a 56 on the one aspergers test and I have...I scored a 56 on the one aspergers test and I have a hard time with meltdown have gone on to jail and I know that won't stop me from having more. Mine are triggered by disrespect and dis regard..something nt people are excellent at. I'm a female. I hate driving..because it has led to me flipping my car..following people home to confront them.there is no help for adults with aspergers in Florida unless your rich. I'm realizing most of the people I hung out with had aspergers too. None of them had money because they played video games and worked at crappy jobs so they didn't have to be around people.smart people but to outsiders come off as losers.sad because intelligence wise aspies should be ahead of the game.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-86295335934804699722014-03-09T02:25:55.766+11:002014-03-09T02:25:55.766+11:00I have a son who's 8. His Aspergers is conside...I have a son who's 8. His Aspergers is considered mild but for our family it's plenty challenging. I don't always handle his behaviors the correct way and for this I have guilt and self doubt. My husband barely tries to understand the condition and I feel it is for him to decide weather or not he wishes to better understand our son. My 5 yr old son is often the target of melt downs and I struggle with making sure he gets the lessons he needs to get while being so "forgiving" with his brother. I have no one to talk to who is in the same situation. I am thankful to have found this blog and welcome any feedback or advice. Coloradohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12719554958715892467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-26707718746385484022014-01-02T03:18:18.462+11:002014-01-02T03:18:18.462+11:00I think i may have as. I find it difficult to make...I think i may have as. I find it difficult to make friends and get very emotional in overwhelming situations. Its very hard to keep my emotions in check.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-3442254040821404782013-09-06T07:34:24.188+10:002013-09-06T07:34:24.188+10:00I am a manager of a person who has AS. He has not ...I am a manager of a person who has AS. He has not disclosed this to me - only that he has dyslexia and has requested accommodations based on that. Such as working in a quiet area and being allowed to do work which he can take his time with as he needs to concentrate more.<br /><br />Recently, he had a meltdown (shouting at me) in the office and he scared quite a few employees in the office including me to a certain extent because he seemed to be so out of control with his anger. I had become used to him telling me what was on his mind without using the edit button. This used to hurt my feelings at first but then I decided that it was possibly a blessing that he was so honest with his comments. It has allowed me to do a lot of self reflection on the decisions I have made as a lot of employees usually edit what they say to the boss.<br /><br />We work in a unionized environment, so I am not able to ask him specific questions about his AS nor is he required to reveal it to me. But we are now in a situation that if he "misbehaves" again that I may have to discipline him.<br /><br />How can I reach out to him? <br /><br />He is a very capable employee who is eager to be promoted but his social awkwardness makes a lot of employees nervous to interact with him and his recent meltdown has not helped matters.<br /><br />He is very distrustful of management and he has exhibited a lot of aggression towards me, usually in the form of emails, wherein he will state that I am preventing him from being promoted and that management "hates" him and think that he is undesirable.<br /><br />I am at a loss as to how help him and there are not a lot of resources dealing with AS in the workplace. We once had a good working relationship and I was one of the few employees in the office who would talk to him on a regular basis and would say more than just hello but now I have had to avoid interacting with him on a social basis as my interactions with him can make him anxious.<br /><br />I leave it to him to interact with me for the most part and I have his supervisor touch base daily so that he does not feel isolated but I am not sure if I am doing the right thing.<br /><br />This is my first experience with AS as far as I know and I really want to help him to thrive in the office but I don't want to get his hopes up that he will get a promotion. He has worked with us for over 10 years at the same level. (This is the cause of much of his angst - at least to me.)<br /><br />I am afraid that if there is another competitive process for a job and he is unsuccessful that it will lead to more aggressive/abrasive behaviour and possible meltdowns.<br /><br />I keep try to reinforce to him that he is a great employee but he feels that it is lip service and that he should be promoted.<br /><br />Anyone have some advice?<br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com