tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post4915350546585985974..comments2024-03-19T08:40:36.481+11:00Comments on Life with Aspergers: Teenage Sexuality and AspergersGavin Bollardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-39480723401031715252016-07-03T07:54:23.362+10:002016-07-03T07:54:23.362+10:00Hi Anonymous,
You have a 16 year old boy. Talking...Hi Anonymous,<br /><br />You have a 16 year old boy. Talking about sex is going to happen. If he has a dad that he can talk to, then that's probably the easiest route. If not, then you need to be open with him. <br /><br />Most kids learn all about sex from school. Schools often have sex education classes, which don't go into detail, and of course kids talk about sex in the playground. <br /><br />Kids with Asperger's syndrome however usually find friendships and social disucssions difficult. As a result, they are often excluded from normal playground conversations. <br /><br />Most kids with Asperger's would deal with this "gap" by looking at pornography but if you work in law enforcement, the chances are that your restrictions on such material have been more successful than most parents. <br /><br />The breast feeding question is actually quite a good one - the answer to this is usually, from reading books while you're pregnant, plus a little instruction at the hospital .. and if you're lucky, from pre-natal classes. <br /><br />It's not something that comes entirely naturally and you have to practice and make a lot of mistakes before you get it right. For your son to choose that as a comparative question is quite clever. <br /><br />If your son is a reader, you probably should get him a good book or two on sex. It's probably not a bad idea to also get him books on driving and other "adult life-skills" at the same time so the conversation becomes about "growing up" and being an adult, rather than about sex. <br /><br />You do need to talk to him about sex and in particular about protection as I've noticed that kids today don't have the "aids-fear" that my generation had. Kids today seem to think that protection is only to prevent pregnancy. <br /><br />If your son is not a reader, and he's reached the right age in your country (usually 16 or 18), you could allow him to watch some pornography. If you have great internet blocking at home, it might be better to get a DVD rather than dismantling the blocking. This has the added advantage of allowing you to watch it first and know exactly what he is seeing. <br /><br />That way, you can allow him to watch it on his own.<br /><br />If you do allow pornography, be sure to explain that it's not "real". That people generally won't allow the things that are shown to happen - particularly when they are degrading. Remind him that these are models and actors. They're getting paid and they're using special effects, multiple takes and people with generally better bodies than the general public. <br /><br />If nothing else, you should at least be reassured that the sex-crime rates in countries with relaxed pornography laws have not increased as rapidly as those in countries with greater restrictions. <br /><br />It's not the ideal solution but it might be the safest for him. Gavin Bollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-89904475393416433572016-07-01T15:31:10.343+10:002016-07-01T15:31:10.343+10:00I have an aspie 16 year old who has always been ve...I have an aspie 16 year old who has always been very modest about himself. He always wears jeans and has 3 shirts on, no matter how hot it is. He asked me tonight if there was such a thing as a teacher who could show him or teach him how to have sex. I work in law enforcement and it took everything in me to come up with a sensible reply. I told him not that I know of and we could ask his physiologist if he knew. He shut that down immediately but asked if I could him how I breastfeed him when he was little. He hasn't been breastfeed since he was 1. I don't know what to say to that! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-29091534523374331592016-07-01T14:27:42.386+10:002016-07-01T14:27:42.386+10:00My son is 16, he will be 17 in January. He has ne...My son is 16, he will be 17 in January. He has never cared for sex or talking about it made him sick to his stomach. He won't wear shorts or go swimming. He wears 3 shirts, regardless of how hot it is. Tonight he had a bad headache and asked me out of the blue if there is teachers who would show or teach kids like him about sex. My jaw dropped, I was caught so off guard. I work in law enforcement and I am trying so hard not to tell him he is freaking crazy for asking me that...I calmly said not that I am aware of but if he wanted me to ask his physiologist if he knew. He snapped for me not to tell anyone. I am worried I want to approach it correctly and not have him be upset but to be aware. Help!!!!Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16578825304618812631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-82943500736990262042016-01-20T16:56:44.308+11:002016-01-20T16:56:44.308+11:00My daughter is having obsessive thoughts about sex...My daughter is having obsessive thoughts about sexual desires. Not sex, she things making out is sex. But every night she is worried she will have thoughts about naughty things. I tell her its perfectly normal but she is still obsessing. Any help would be appreciated. She is 13 with aspbergers.<br />sherihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13518816528077233777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-63556759636532425512016-01-09T13:24:33.035+11:002016-01-09T13:24:33.035+11:00Thanks for the article I've been diagnosed wit...Thanks for the article I've been diagnosed with aspergers for 3 years and also my name is GavinAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12996991980353721510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-80339908485366671152015-09-21T07:43:59.256+10:002015-09-21T07:43:59.256+10:00I'm a divorced mother of a 15 yr old aspie boy...I'm a divorced mother of a 15 yr old aspie boy. Lately he has really noticed that he is not quite like the other kids. He wants so badly to fit in, and often tries to copy or mimic others behaviors in order to look like everyone else. The problem is that it is generally the wrong time, wrong place, or wrong person that is is with. He is also becoming increasingly obsessed with girls, sex, having a girlfriend, etc. Just looking for some advice on how to help him in this time. He currently sees a therapist, but she seems to want to focus on his defiant behavior. He plays sports and I have generally always tried to put him with his non-identified peers in hopes that he can start to notice their behavior and adapt. We talk constantly about what he sees, hear, feels in an effort to help him process. But lately, with the girls and sex issues, he is not wanting to confide in me until he is caught doing something he shouldn't. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-41379422867812056552015-07-13T14:49:33.712+10:002015-07-13T14:49:33.712+10:00Anonymous, it's certainly possible that your s...Anonymous, it's certainly possible that your stepson doesn't see his sister as "technically" a sister and this needs to be worked on. Additionally, there's a bigger problem that his sexually aggressive behaviour is not acceptable to anyone in society. <br /><br />He needs to understand that there are consequences to his actions and that those consequences could be life-changing. If he does these things to someone else, there's a pretty good chance that he could be jailed, fined or at the very least be given a criminal record which would affect his chances of employment. <br /><br />It's really a "dad's place" to have that kind of talk and it's best done in a non-threatening environment without everyone else listening in. Perhaps he could go somewhere with his dad for a boys day out which includes some frank talk. Gavin Bollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-73653263266285204422015-07-13T09:23:59.484+10:002015-07-13T09:23:59.484+10:00I am a step mom to a 16 yr old in which his father...I am a step mom to a 16 yr old in which his father and I share his 15 yr old sister...He has been caught pulling her top down while she was sleeping and peeking through cracks in doors and recently has been caught trying to take pictures of her under the bathroom door while she got dressed after showering...I have also found very inappropriate messages and videos he is sending to random people on social media...Our daughter is terrified and we have since been out of the house, leaving his father to care for him. I have tried to have conversations with him in regards to this and previous incidents, he doesn't want to talk with me. He has sent videos to young girls, older women and even a guy...his father believes that he's seeking any kind of attention...I believe he's becoming obsessed with his sister...we have not always lived in the home. We have lived with them for 4 years...my question, is it possible that he doesn't understand that they are brother and sister???Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-6998766500012657922015-07-06T15:34:47.189+10:002015-07-06T15:34:47.189+10:00I am female Aspie. Altho had masturbated compulsiv...I am female Aspie. Altho had masturbated compulsively around age 5-6 did not know sexual info until feelings resurfaced around age 15 & I began compulsively reading romance novels. <br /><br />During the night, ALL night, I would FANTASIZE, or IMAGINE ONLY in my BRAIN -- (without any touching of my body such as masturbation, etc.) And was able to achieve quite easily complete orgasms (more than one...) At this point, I should probably point out that I would try desperately to stop the whole process because I was raised very strict Catholic<br /><br />My process of "getting off" was MAGICAL to me because it included much romantic imagery, music... But at the same time it seemed "weird" or "sick" for the following reasons:<br /> <br />the orgasms I reached were achieved only when I imagined what the MAN in the fantasy was experiencing, NOT what I as the WOMAN would be feeling. ALSO -- the orgasms I reached were what I imagined my dad was feeling watching the romantic and sexual activity -- and a male cousin(!) not ME as the FEMALE involved in the scenario/story.<br /><br />I'm writing on your blog Gavin, because I feel such emptiness now. When I reached the age of about 19, all the intense sexual feelings stopped. I don't know if the novelty of fresh youth hormones everything new first learning about life at the tender age of 15 has worn off forever. Or the harm done when I made myself stop when I was a little girl of age 5 (I did not know what was happening, but I "knew" it was something wrong because I felt so animal-like when doing it) Esp when my mom snuck up on me & smacked me!<br /><br />While I have been in a healthy loving relationship with a man for many years (I am age 52) -- we cannot share any real physical intimacy. He doesn't pressure me. But I miss the MAGIC of it all. I also need to point out that I was diagnosed 28 years ago with schizoaffective disorder, and OCD. Just wanted to share & see if there are any helpful comments out there. Thank you for your wonderful blog -- the first I've found EVER on this type subject. <br /><br />I just don't understand what happened??? How can a person have such intense romantic/sexual feelings and then POOF! completely gone forever. I have tried all kinds of methods to get the feelings back like different reading, visual, even porn in desperation. Maybe I am now "asexual"? I have been hospitalized nearly 300 times for my psychiatric problems and also had at least 50- ECT ("electro-shock" treatments) after college. I am currently unable to work or drive. But I am doing extremely well in all other areas now with therapy and medication. I wonder if there is hope. Or maybe I can just be happy with an asexual but loving lifestyle.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-32681335428305095072014-12-02T01:28:50.852+11:002014-12-02T01:28:50.852+11:00Am a 27 year old Aspie..for the past 4 years i hav...Am a 27 year old Aspie..for the past 4 years i have identified as gay and only dated women..but since the beginning i just felt all confused about it..i dont know what i think of the opposite sex..sometimes i get scared of liking the opposite sex coz i dont know what i would do..I never dated much when i was in my teen years and early twenties..but when i discovered i might be gay i was able to commit and have a normal relationship..my problem is that even when am emotionally connected romantically sexually i dont want to touch girls..or i want but dont know how..then i begin to doubt my sexuality and this gives me depression coz i cant seem to be able to con<br />nect romantically with the opposite sex..this caused the end of my 21/2 year relationship which i didn want to end..i keep thinking maybe its coz i didnt go through the whole straight stage getting curious about boys..any thoughs/advise on this??shikuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11154576542247654003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-20340801580823917212014-07-27T22:51:35.888+10:002014-07-27T22:51:35.888+10:00I am an aspie, and at one point, my obsession was ...I am an aspie, and at one point, my obsession was sex. Not any desire to have it, but the workings if the human body in anything to do with reproduction. I read an old "human sexuality" textbook cover to coverAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04982831403423938482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-46937339886485653642014-06-20T23:47:51.208+10:002014-06-20T23:47:51.208+10:00I have mild asperges. Sexually I have asexual trai...I have mild asperges. Sexually I have asexual traits although my orientation is bisexual. Most people who are supposed to be "hot" of either sex do not turn me on. Body parts alone do not turn me on.. when i find a person attractive then I love physical contact but only with a few people. An attractive person will often become my special intetest but it is the whole of them not just their body.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-57458448157923880102012-12-20T05:47:35.052+11:002012-12-20T05:47:35.052+11:00I´m 17, FTM transgender, gay, and with Asperger´s....I´m 17, FTM transgender, gay, and with Asperger´s. <br />I think this article was accurate in many ways, especially with the discussion of teenage sexuality.<br />I´m on the high end of the libido spectrum, I think, because I´m a porn-watcher and I masturbate frequently and I have highly violent sexual fantasies. I like sleeping naked and walk around naked in the house when I can, but my parents freak out so I don't walk around like that anymore. One could also say that I have a slight obsession with my friend. I talk about my sexual fantasies with her, which I suppose falls into the "say[ing] just a bit too much" category. I sometimes like touching her, nonsexually, but don't touch anyone else and don't like being touched (except in a few occasions when I have asked to be touched in a specific way).Jamesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-78135336056109767142012-09-02T21:21:16.237+10:002012-09-02T21:21:16.237+10:00My 15 yo son is aspie and seems to have an obsessi...My 15 yo son is aspie and seems to have an obsession with grabbing at girls breasts. we'veg talked with him about how this is gong to get him into serious trouble, taught him about appropriate and inappropriate touch, given consquences (such as no computer)as a result of his touching and we're running out of ideas! Has anyone else faced this and got any good ideas?<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-7225917200994774402011-12-13T08:51:24.583+11:002011-12-13T08:51:24.583+11:0012 is a bit young for a child to fully grasp the i...12 is a bit young for a child to fully grasp the implications of such a statement.<br /><br />Provided that she's not sexually active, it's probably a good thing to just "accept and move on". <br /><br />It will probably change later on in life. If you argue against it, she'll be less likely to tell you this sort of thing in future.<br /><br />It's probably more likely that she's simply describing how she relates to people or who she finds attractive.<br /><br />I guess it's probably more likely to be a phase but there are quite a few bisexual aspies around. It's just to early to be concerned yet.Gavin Bollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-12741462220201565232011-12-13T08:05:44.070+11:002011-12-13T08:05:44.070+11:00My 12 year old daughter has mild Asperger's. S...My 12 year old daughter has mild Asperger's. She told me yesterday that she's bisexual. Is sexual orientation an issue in general for aspies? Is this possibly just a phase/obsession or more likely a long-term issue? She told a friend who was uncomfortable and told an adult who then told me. She has few friends and I'm afraid this revelation may have ruined this and associated friendships. Help!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-41049312329365617852011-11-22T08:13:10.737+11:002011-11-22T08:13:10.737+11:00@Dan,
There's not a lot you can do right now....@Dan,<br /><br />There's not a lot you can do right now. If you can't patch the relationship up - and that really depends on what happened and how forgiving your partner is - then you'll need to move on.<br /><br />The grass never is greener on the other side and there is always temptation.<br /><br />You have to deny it. That's a matter of honor. The alternative isn't viable long-term.<br /><br />Obviously you feel sad and suicidal now. That's a normal part of break up. You need to find someone close to talk to - ideally from the same gender so it doesn't become a "rebound". This will help you to get over your dark thoughts.<br /><br />When you're ready, be strong, try again and stay committed.Gavin Bollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-49917274019655401812011-11-21T23:48:49.624+11:002011-11-21T23:48:49.624+11:00Dear Gavin
I have Asperges but only my parents kn...Dear Gavin<br /><br />I have Asperges but only my parents know this and I choose to live a normal life. Everyone thinks I'm normal but a bit quirky but I know deep down my issues and have always worked around them.<br /><br />I was in a healthy 3 year relationship when I stated emailling women. This did not satisy me greatly and I didn't like doing it but it went on and on. I met a woman, even though I didn't really want to becauser I love what was at home for me but I couldn't stop myself.<br /><br />My partner found the messages, my relationship is over for good, I have people who want to kill me and I am on the brink of suicide.<br /><br />Why did I do this? I love her and now I'll never see her again. She is 99% of me and my life is over. WHY?Sisteray_musichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09131509271746398820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-73055222649381195152011-05-13T04:17:30.188+10:002011-05-13T04:17:30.188+10:00I am the mom of an aspie. My 16 year old son was j...I am the mom of an aspie. My 16 year old son was just suspended from school for playing with himself in class. After talking with him, he tells me he has "urges" that he can't control and they outweigh consequences at imes. Is this a problem anyone else has faced???Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-37847392624547529932010-11-11T02:09:52.558+11:002010-11-11T02:09:52.558+11:00ASPERGER FRIENDS PASTA DINNER.
50/50 tricy tray
...ASPERGER FRIENDS PASTA DINNER. <br />50/50 tricy tray<br /><br />Help out the Asperger Friends support group housing program. Why cook to night when you can have a great dinner and help out the asperger friends support group for their housing program.<br /> www.aspergerfriends.com Date: Nov 13, 2010 <br />Time:4pm/8PM <br /><br />Where: Immaculate Conception Church Annandale Church 316 Old Allerton Rd Annandale, NJ 08801 <br /><br />Knights of Columbus Council #6245 Meetings are the 3rd Sunday of the month from 3pm to 5pm at Heath Quest in Flemington NJ 310 Highway 31 North in Flemington, N.J. 08822 For 18 years and older and parents, teacher are welcome to. <br /><br />Matthew and Carolyn Loscialo Hunterdon County Chapter of Aspen.<br /><br />Have question <br /><br />call 908 797 6278 or 908 236 6153 Ticket Prices are <br /><br />Adults $10.00 <br />Senior/Children $5.00 <br />Children 6 and under are free !!! . Please also bring old or new coat to donate to thr <br /><br />Knights of Columbus Council #6245 <br /><br />50/50 and Tricky TrayAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-83193775604369444672010-05-20T10:54:34.962+10:002010-05-20T10:54:34.962+10:00It's entirely possible that your stepson has d...It's entirely possible that your stepson has developed a crush on you. <br /><br />There's really only one way to deal with such a crush. You need to think about what sorts of things a mother would and wouldn't do with her son.<br /><br />It's probably ok if he has a crush on you provided that you don't cross the boundaries and keep the relationship paternal. <br /><br />If your stepson says anything that is too far out of line and you feel you need to respond to it, make it clear that "I'm your mom" but try not to embarrass him or harm your relationship with him unless you're forced to.Gavin Bollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-5039250295753081902010-05-20T03:09:20.895+10:002010-05-20T03:09:20.895+10:00I have a 13 years old Step son, I am not full time...I have a 13 years old Step son, I am not full time with him and from 2 years ago I am seeing him every weekend. He loves me so much and he hugs me so hard and some times he is asking me if I can lay down with him and he really like me to caress him.it is important to mention he is not seeing his mom now for about 4 years.<br />As he is a teenager, I want to know it is possible he has sexual crush on me? If the answer is yes how should I deal with that?Tinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-41558158755465461852010-05-19T00:10:29.683+10:002010-05-19T00:10:29.683+10:00My 16 year old son is having difficulties understa...My 16 year old son is having difficulties understanding his thaughts and feelings. When he was around 9 I caught him "trying out" my underwear. I was naturally horrified at the time and told him so. However this did not stop him and now he has developed an obsession with swimwear. He wears the swimsuit discreatly under his normal clothes.<br />He has told me on a couple of occasions that he would rather be female. He is in no way feminine and I wonder if he is troubled by puberty and sexual urges.<br />He is often of very low mood and hates himself one day, the next day it's all forgotten about and he's talking about girls he likes.<br />Very confusing for him and me both as I don't know how to support him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-65814526761595737692010-03-03T07:43:53.494+11:002010-03-03T07:43:53.494+11:00TerryJ2,
Unfortunately for his sister's sake,...TerryJ2,<br /><br />Unfortunately for his sister's sake, you'll have to get to the bottom of things. You need to find out for certain whether the fascination is ONLY with the article of clothing or it it's with his sister.<br /><br />If it's simply with the article, you're best off arranging for it to be "lost". It's likely to be painful with possible tantrums and blame but it's necessary.<br /><br />Once the item has been lost and complained about, you can set about finding a replacement - a similar article for your son. Since this time, it won't have come from anyone, it should be more "bearable".<br /><br />Of course, if the obsession is with his sister, then this technique will fail and you'll need to seek medical assistance as such an obsession could become dangerous or damaging over time.Gavin Bollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-39875452978205825162010-03-03T07:30:03.804+11:002010-03-03T07:30:03.804+11:00i have aspergers my self, and feel free to talk to...i have aspergers my self, and feel free to talk to me about it. i see some moms and other people looking for people without aspergers for help for people with it. and frankly, not to be disrespecting, someone with out it would know nothing. gavin, this arctical is great. and if you dont have it you hit the nail on the head. exepet for one thing, there is a 3rd extream. i dont know what to call it but its more of a dominance trait. this is what i tend to have. i have an obsesion with being the best, and will kill myself to become it. this aplies to everything. sports, school, dances, ect. and to the evolution person. the gean was there in aciant times. it is the same gean that controls autistic traits. in fact its 100% the invinronment that determans it. in fact, alot of verry sucsessfull people had had the aspergers trait, good and bad. for example, good people, such as ben franklen(sex obsessed by the way) george washington, abraham lincon, and rosevelt. there has been bad people. example, hitler, stalin, mao, and napolian. so in an aciant sociaty, wouldent it be possible that the envoroment is so harsh that all people show the dominance quality of aspergers? and its only "flurishing" because the environment got easyer, so the traits less sucsessfull start to apear?chaddnoreply@blogger.com