tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post8447560606040365049..comments2024-03-19T08:40:36.481+11:00Comments on Life with Aspergers: Anxiety in Cub Scouting (Some things we'd like to tell parents)Gavin Bollardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-20462740635984634252016-06-15T23:44:16.421+10:002016-06-15T23:44:16.421+10:00hi Gavin and readers, just a followup to my big co...hi Gavin and readers, just a followup to my big comment up there about my 8yo daughter trying Scouts-- well we decided to stick with it, despite how hard it was (mostly for me!) I had done more prep work with my daughter with a poster chart of expected behaviours for Scouts and some calm-down measures we discussed with the leader. I also dropped my daughter off (though I was around the corner without her knowing as I still had to be closeby just in case). Well wouldn't you know it, from that session on she improved dramatically. It also helped that she and another girl play well together and are often paired up. I'm so happy now a few months down the track as my daughter loves Scouts, has zero anger outbursts there now that she knows what is expected of her as a Scout. It is a complete turnaround from the first month. I was so miserable back then, driving home barely able to see as I was crying so much from seeing how anxious my daughter was and her outbursts towards the others and how they avoided her. Of course now those same girls invite her to join games and wave hello to her. In hindsight, yes I do believe I was making it more about my own anxiety than my daughter's, though I do think we were right to consider perhaps she just wasn't ready. But essentially, once I backed off and trusted in my daughter, she did great. Another thing is that parents of Aspie/anxious kids often have anxiety themselves and/or depression, so when you see your child melting down all the time so unhappy then yes it is often easier for the parent's mental health to avoid exposing the child to that situation. All I can say is that I'm glad I toughed it out as my daughter is so happy at Scouts, and I'm feeling loads better too. I have no problem leaving her there now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-16411627462635348652016-03-17T10:37:05.156+11:002016-03-17T10:37:05.156+11:00Thanks for sharing your experience here Gavin. My ...Thanks for sharing your experience here Gavin. My 8yo daughter (Asperger's, anxiety) has been trying out a few sessions of scouts. It has been okay in some respects but her anxiety shows itself as angry outbursts which has given the other kids negative impressions of her. For the time being I have been waiting outside the scout hall (this was discussed with the scout leaders as my daughter may do a runner and try to go home). The leader so far seems very good and inclusive but the second leader is a miserable sort and the complete opposite of what encouragement looks like.<br /><br />I am finding it very difficult seeing and hearing my daughter's outbursts which also involve her being rude to the leaders and oppositional, though when she's calm she is kind and generous. Frankly, it hurts like hell to see the other kids reactions to her. We see a psychologist who is piecing together some strategies specific to Scouts, but after the latest Scouts session where my daughter just unloaded angrily on other kids (my daughter is always misinterpreting words and actions in a way which makes her believe she is being the victim of something), I am considering pulling her out, and going back in the future when she's got a better handle on managing her anxiety.<br /><br />However, I also see the other side of the coin where I see the benefit in keeping her there and hoping that the good leader can provide a supportive environment and work with us. My daughter's psychologist thinks this is a great opportunity for my daughter to deal with her anxiety, with supportive framework in place of course however she is also supportive of our decision should we choose to withdraw our daughter.<br /><br />All I can say as the parent is that it's really, really difficult seeing your child in that position. I honestly don't know whether continuing Scouts will benefit my daughter because for her there will be a bit of 'tough love' as well as that sense of shame when she thinks about her outbursts (though she deals with her shame/remorse by more angry "I don't care!" outbursts). I honestly can't decide whether sending her is detrimental or do we stick with it, look at all the positives and hope that one day it will just get better.<br /><br />I can tell you that for now, watching her struggling (and dealing with it the way she does, which makes the other kids not like her) is really difficult (and if I'm not physically there outside the hall then I hear about it anyway so it would be the same if she was dropped off). We do work with my daughter to go over rules, expectations, coping strategies etc etc but in the heat of the moment where she's highly anxious, none of that is on her radar.<br /><br />Maybe it will get better with time but this is where I don't know which direction to go in: do we withdraw for now, build her coping skills up more then rejoin. Or do we keep on going, knowing that she will have outbursts like this every session and essentially putting her in the position where she will have challenging moments. That's where my parental guilt comes in and I wonder why on earth I would want to put her in that position for now :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-24818176601404448242012-02-10T09:32:33.355+11:002012-02-10T09:32:33.355+11:00As the parent of an Aspie Webelos II, I can so rel...As the parent of an Aspie Webelos II, I can so relate... I have loved watching him grow through scouting into an amazing independent young man. Tomorrow night he leaves for an overnight camping trip with his new Boy Scout troop~ his first overnight without me :) He's going to have a blast! At first he was so excited, then decided I should go too... but I stuck to my guns~ he needs to go hang with the guys.WhatIfWeAllCared?https://www.blogger.com/profile/11206084253488718796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-36493562790246415902011-05-20T19:24:19.171+10:002011-05-20T19:24:19.171+10:00Nice article, thanks for the information.Nice article, thanks for the information.sewa mobilhttp://griyamobilkita.webs.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-64544823027127554032011-05-17T11:40:09.186+10:002011-05-17T11:40:09.186+10:00I dont really understand where all this stress and...I dont really understand where all this stress and anxiety is coming from...my girls (aspergers) participate in mainstream school, swimming lessons and dance lessons. They go to school friends parties and have playdates and do all the typical things kids do. We figure they have as much right to be there as anyone else - some people are going to love them, others wont like them, much the same as anyone else in society. A question for those out there: has anyone REALLY, truthfully EVER met a 'typical' child? I havent, I think all kids have their ('special') individual needs, and no child is always perfectly behaved and super-social. Relax parents, theyll be ok!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-34213226669443736282011-05-17T06:59:58.004+10:002011-05-17T06:59:58.004+10:00We tried Scouts for 3 years, and my son "love...We tried Scouts for 3 years, and my son "loved" it, but I eventually pulled him out.<br />1) I couldn't handle the stress of it anymore. I was breaking down into tears every week. (I know, my problem not his, but...)<br />2) We had issues with another child, and the parent of another child, who seemed to thrive on discretely 'poking' at my son until he'd have a meltdown. <br />The final straw was when a woman whom I'd known for 3 years and thought of as a friend, and happens to be the mother of the child-poker, said to me, "I just don't know how you do it. I couldn't." This mother also happens to have an aspie and another child with ODD. <br />I had to conclude that Scouts didn't give my son an opportunity to shine and that perhaps I was just setting him up to fail each week. If she didn't know who my son really was after 3 years, then she was never going to.<br />I was heartbroken to drop out of Scouts.. I think that it can be a great asset and teach great things as we shape our boys into men, but I just had to conclude that this was not a good fit for us.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01977272655660160045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-10528358894629184182011-05-16T06:18:56.139+10:002011-05-16T06:18:56.139+10:00This is a great post! I am finding that when my s...This is a great post! I am finding that when my son is stressed out, I get really anxious myself. It's good to be reminded to take a step back and relax. Often, I worry that my son is being a big burden on the leaders/teachers, so I end up reacting to that instead of seeing the bigger picture.B1Lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10740667111455079564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-40487122806670601682011-05-14T21:06:09.473+10:002011-05-14T21:06:09.473+10:00Sounds more like the parents have 'anxiety'...Sounds more like the parents have 'anxiety', rather than the kids....Ha! Ive learnt to relax a bit with my girls, they might have aspergers but they 'wont break' so to speak...kids are way more resiliant than we 'helicopter parents' might think!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com