tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post8820915031108519705..comments2024-03-19T08:40:36.481+11:00Comments on Life with Aspergers: Our Partners and Autism AcceptanceGavin Bollardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4841851020927689161.post-41924501009324676842020-05-10T04:27:53.263+10:002020-05-10T04:27:53.263+10:00"While there's always the risk that discl..."While there's always the risk that disclosing your autism to a potential partner may cause them to leave the relationship in a hurry, or worse, may give them a handle with which to bully you, this won't happen with a good partner."<br /><br />Too true. While hopefully a partner who loves you and has already committed to spending your lives together should never bully you because of anything, disclosing your AS to an abusive partner could be dangerous for you. <br /><br />It is well acknowledged that those on the spectrum are more susceptible to bullying and abuse, and if your partner already abuses you this might make them worse. <br /><br />Ironically, I only disvovered my ASD because of my NT ex-partner's abuse. Domestic abuse can happen to absolutely anyone and it's an awful traumatic experience. It builds very gradually, and there are "honeymoon" periods where everything is normal and lovely and then the abuse starts again, and again, and again. This cycle means it's difficult for EVERY victim (NTs included) to spot and it will have been going on for a while before the victim begins to realise it's abuse. My ex (who is neurotypical) would have abused me regardless of whether I was ASD or not - I later found out he'd treated his NT ex-girlfiend the same way. <br /><br />Because of my Aspergers, I think it was harder for me to read his hidden intentions and spot his manipulations. Although I didn't have a diagnosis and I had no idea I was AS, he knew my blindspots and used them against me. <br /><br />I'm gone from him now and he has no idea I'm an aspie woman. I left because his abuses had turned more physical and my life was now in danger. I'm so glad that he never knew (I only found out through research and extensive therapy) because if he'd had known itwould have been another "power" he thought he had over me. <br />I wish I had known though, as I might have been able to inform myself better of the risks or I might have had a support worker to point out that so many pieces of our relationship weren't normal, and that i shouldn't blame his illegal and evil behaviour on my on lack of social understanding. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com