Life with Aspergers

I've travelled a bit with my kids recently and each time it seems to be the same things which create the biggest problems. The flight itself is usually quite good, especially nowadays as there are so many electronic distractions. My kids took their iPads with them last time and they kept busy for the entire 10 hour flight.  No, it's the other aspects of flying which present a challenge.    Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay Waiting Airports are full of waiting areas. Flights always seem to do the unexpected, like get cancelled or delayed and then the waiting begins. Even before you get to the airport, there's a lot of waiting around in anticipation. It's not something that special needs kids are very good at, especially when their iPads are packed away preserving their batteries for the flight. In my kids case, waiting means a whole lot of pushing and shoving and fighting. We have to keep them separated with at least one parent sitting in between them. It's especi...

Introduction I've already highlighted some of the problems that aspies face in the area of touch, though I haven't yet covered the concept of love. The fact is however that most relationships are based on love and that touch plays an important part in those relationships. This post is intended to look at some of the compromises and solutions that AS/NT couples can bring to the relationship in these areas. Defining Love A few years back, my wife and I were asked (separately) how we defined love. The answers we gave weren't the ones we expected. My wife's answers all dealt with tangibles (or at least deliverables), such as hugs, kisses, presents, companionship, outings and commitment. This was in stark contrast to my own answers which were all about feelings and perception. The example I gave was; "when you look at someone and a simple smile from them carries the warmth of the sun. You find yourself basking in the sunshine of their smile and you feel that life can...

Building on the last few posts, we have determined that aspies have a few obvious needs; Alone Time Restricted Touch Routine Gentle Encouragement Love and Understanding Less Empathy, more solutions (mainly an aspie male thing) and that NT's have other needs; Conversation/Listening Affection Spontaneity and Fun Social Time Empathy Love There is also a different set of needs related to meltdowns but that's a whole different story, and I'll deal with it in a later set of posts. Many of the aspie needs have a corresponding opposite in the neurotypical world. There's no happy medium - and the compromises you make need to be dynamic with minor adjustments happing on a daily basis as your situations change. I'll try to cover the balances between these needs individually. Conversational Compromise It's no big secret that the answer to the conversational divide between aspie and neurotypical partners is compromise. The real trick is determining what compromises to make...

The words that really drive my wife up the wall are; What are we doing today? What are we doing now/next? What's on the Agenda? What's the Plan? They're obviously annoying to Neurotypicals, but they're part of a well developed aspie defence mechanism for change control. I'll be talking more about change and resistance to change in Aspergers in another post. Right now, I want to focus on what daily planning organisation means to Aspies. What is Change Resistance? Aspies are quite resistant to change. It's funny, because when I first read that, I thought... "no I'm not, I'm always one of the first people to upgrade to new software etc...". That's not what the line means. It means that aspies resist changes in their lifestyles and daily routines . In my software example; sure, I'll upgrade my software but I'll still use it to do the same things, and do things mostly the same way and in the same order. Aspies are more likely to resi...