Life with Aspergers

This is the start of a series of articles on how to show your non-aspie partner "appreciation".  It follows on from my article; Working on Your Asperger-Neurotypical Relationship Part 2: Appreciation .  You won't find information on living with an Aspergers partner here because this particular series is aimed at teaching aspies to become better and more appreciative of their neurotypical partners.  My point of view here will be from the aspie male in a relationship with a neurotypical female. After all, it's the only one I can speak about from experience. If anyone has any insight into the way in which the needs of neurotypical males differ from aspie males, then please feel free to note them in the comments. If you've been dating your current partner since you were young, you might think that she doesn't care for flowers. Certainly, that was the case in my situation. The Past As a "first girlfriend", my now wife never expressed any interest ...

This follows on from Part 1: Talking . Last time, I talked about the need to talk in our relationships and specifically, to ask your partner what they need. In my case, I got the rather vague answer of "I want to be appreciated more". That answer really confused me. If she'd said, "I want to go out to dinner more" or "I want more flowers" then it would have been a specific and measurable thing but she didn't. Instead she used a vague and undefined term - and the only thing I got was that I must have done some of it but it wasn't enough. I had to do more. I guess to really appreciate my point of view, suppose I'd been asked the question and replied that I wanted a bit more lavacultophilia (not that I actually do).  My wife would be in a similar quandry (except that lavacultophilia is a real word which actually means a desire to stare at someone in a bathing suit).  I got this randomly out of the Grandiloquent Dictionary . In my case, ...

Welcome to 2012, the year the Mayans thought it was all going to end. I'm not actually a big believer myself and I'm pretty certain that I'll be writing a similar new year post next year. 2012 is set to be a momentous year for the autism community. The revised DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) will be finalized (though it's not due out until May 2013) and will bring with it some quite controversial changes which will no doubt throw some members of the autism community into "damage control mode". If the writers have their way, Aspergers will become an obselete term and the name of this blog will no longer have any meaning. You'll notice that I'm not rushing to change it. This year, we'll be finishing off a few articles which have a part one but no part two. The "best of the best" series will hopefully be back and we'll have some more reviews including one for the best asperger relationship book I've...

This post follows on from my earlier post " Young Teens and Eecutive Functioning Issues " If you haven't read that post, you might want to read it before continuing here as it provides a useful introduction to the topic. In my earlier post I defined lack of executive function and talked about the problems it can cause in day-to-day scenarios involving simple tasks, like getting dressed.  As children get older however, executive functioning difficulties become more pronounced because they're expected to be able to take responsibility for more far-reaching decisions. Decisions made by older teens can affect lives and can result in legal action, injury and even death. An Example; Take, as an example, the problem of driving home after a night out. The simplified executive functioning would probably flow as follows but each component would have a myriad of ordered sub-tasks as well; Decide - Am I ok to drive home?   This would require both a knowledge of the d...

Over the years I've written quite a bit about AS/NT relationships. I've written about accepting your aspergers partner for who they are and how to reach them in the relationship. I guess that it's all been a bit one-sided but today I'm starting a series which might rectify the balance. These  posts is directed at people with Asperger's sydrome and are about being the best partner that you can be. All relationships need work. They're not "fire and forget". You can't simply say, ok we've ticked the boxes; we're married, we have a house and we have kids. That's not where the work ends. There's a saying from Marriage Encounters which I like to repeat. "Sometimes I love my partner -- and sometimes I have to work harder at it", Life is all about change. As aspies we often don't like change but we're powerless to stop it. Like it or not, people change and situations change. In order to adapt to these changes, we ...

"What I wish I'd known about Raising a Child with autism: A mom and a psychologist offer heartfelt guidance for the first five years", Bobbi Sheahan and Kathy DeOenellas PH D, Future Horizons Inc, 2011. This is a mother and psychologist writing team book with a difference. This time, the person with autism is female. The book in general is very well laid out and there is never any doubt as to which of the authors is writng at any given time.  Bobby has written the majority of the text while Kathy, the psychologist writes less frequently and always in a grey box. There are scattered tips highlighted throughout the book and each chapter includes at least a few entitled "it bears repeating" or "what I wish I'd known". Bobbi's writing style is breezy, funny and engaging. She covers some very difficult topics and makes it clear that as a parent nothing is ever easy. Kathy tends to write on a whole different level and at times seems to h...

My wife and I have just spent the last few months watching every episode of "Doc Martin" a British TV series about a Doctor (not that other Doctor) who relocates from a job as a top surgeon in London to general practitioner in Portwenn, a tiny fictional village in Cornwall.  It's mostly a comedy series but it has some drama and romance elements as well.  The reason I'm reviewing it here however is because Doc Martin's character is, I believe, intended to "have Aspergers Syndrome" and for neurotypical adults this gives you a good glimpse into both sides of an AS/NT relationship. Nobody does situation comedy for Television better than the British and Doc Martin doesn't disappoint in this area. Although it is very funny, it's actually in the development of Doc Martin's relationship that the show really excels.  Each story is relatively self-contained but it is strongly recommended that you watch the series in the correct order to get a g...