Life with Aspergers

Autistic people are an incredibly diverse group, even within the broader neurodivergent community. We are diverse because we do not share all the same strengths and weaknesses, we have vastly different talents and interests. Other factors, such as our upbringing, political factors and our economic status also play key roles in determining our ability to operate within society. This is why a “one-size-fits-all” approach to housing simply doesn't work. In this post, I want to talk about the different types of living arrangements that autistic people may find themselves in and I want to discuss why some arrangements may be better suited to various sub-groups of individuals. There are essentially three major styles of living; Independent Living Supported Living  Group or Residential Care  For many, the ideal path is to first explore independent living, as it offers the most autonomy. However, it's crucial to find the option that best fits an individual's unique needs. It’s also...

Catchy title aside, I'm not about to suggest that you need to kick all your autistic kids out of home. I want to cover one specific recent instance for us and I want to look at the reasons why we believed that it would work while others thought it might fail. Why we did it anyway and why we feel it is succeeding. Image by Jose Antonio Alba from Pixabay Kids who Stall We have a lot of friends and relatives who have kids on and off the spectrum who have "stalled". By stalling, I mean that they've become; Permanently at home Often Unemployed Caught in unproductive routines (TV, Gaming, Extra Sleeping, Overuse of Routine) Often stalling is linked to other obsessions, such as computer gaming but it also appears in non-gamers and active kids. People can get into a stall pattern simply by filling their entire lives up with chores and leaving no room for themselves to forge ahead.  There are a lot of reasons why stalling has become common in the last couple of generations in...

There's no doubt about it, autism, Asperger's syndrome and all of the associated co-conditions including ADHD/ADD, anxiety, OCD, ODD, Bi-Polar disorder and BPD can really make it difficult to live "normally". People seem to be obsessed with living a "normal" life instead of trying to live a happy one. Sometimes these things can co-exist but most of the time they do not. In this post, I want to go over some of the ways you can adjust your life goals to find happiness. The Trouble with being "Normal" Unless you fit a certain restricted set of cultural, racial, sexual, economic and medical criteria, you're not "normal". This is a sad fact of life and one that's usually beyond our control to change. I'm not here to talk about most of these restrictions. I acknowledge that they're important but I'm just here to talk about the neurological part of being "normal". These neurological differences make it diff...

Money is the key to freedom and it's essential that all teens know how to work within the confines of a budget before they reach an age where adult intervention becomes difficult. Don't forget, as new payment methods emerge, physical cash is disappearing and this makes it more difficult for teens to understand how quickly they can go through their funds, or even worse, rack up debt. For many teens, simply having a good grasp of mathematics is enough but what if your teen is on the autism spectrum. They could be brilliant at maths but it might not translate into the real world -- or they could have learning difficulties.  How do we get these concepts understood and accepted? How do we make budgeting an automatic part of your teen's spending habits? Start young The earlier you start getting your kids to purchase things on their own, the better. With my boys, we were giving them money before they'd even started at school. It wasn't pocket money then but we'...

If you're the parent of a young adult with Asperger's syndrome you'll be very familiar with the need to keep educating and pushing your child. You'll probably be an expert at it and you'll most certainly be very tired of all the work involved.  The question is; should you continue to push your young adults past their twenties or should you back off and allow them to find their own way forward? We Never Stop Pushing  Regardless of whether or not we should give our kids more space, one thing is clear.  As parents, we never stop caring for our children and their future. We simply can't help ourselves - and that's okay. It's okay that we're always concerned for their welfare and that we want what's best for them but there are big differences between trying to help and trying to control.  We need to make sure that we stay on the right side of the line. The Impetus to Move One of the biggest areas of contention between parents and young...

I'm often asked to contribute ideas and concepts to assist others in writing situations involving people with Asperger's and other ASDs. I find these questions quite interesting because they get me to look into areas of my past which I've "moved-on" from. Sometimes looking at these situations with fresh eyes helps me to understand myself better and quite often it makes me cringe. Often, as is the case here, it highlights things that I just haven't covered properly on the blog. The question I was asked this time was about how an autistic person would prepare for a first date in terms of clothes and gift shopping. The presumption is that we're talking about a male on a first date. Is it a date? For a start, it's quite probable that the person wouldn't know whether it was a date or just "going out". I know that in society, these terms are often interchangeable but to a person on the spectrum who is very word-specific, they might not be. I ca...

In part one of this series, we looked at how parents react when their children are labelled. In part two, we look at how the person being labelled reacts and discuss the best times for disclosure.  The Age Differential Most people with Aspergers seem to be "born with a knowledge of their difference", though in truth this awareness develops over time, mostly during their primary school years. The age at which the label of Asperger's or autism is used to describe these differences seems to have significant impact upon the way in which they are received by the person with the label. Of course, there are other factors too, particularly the way in which others receive the news. The Very Young As you would expect, telling an "under 8" year old child that they have Asperger's Syndrome or autism is pretty similar to telling them that they are wearing a blue cardigan or that they were born in Australia. Their reaction is pretty minimal. Of course, the fact that...