Life with Aspergers

I've always found it strange that autism seems to be mainly a "boy thing". Statistically, autism is recognised four times as often in boys as it is in girls but I've personally gotten much better at recognising the signs and I've gotten that "autism vibe" just as often from girls as I have from boys. I've always felt that it was simply harder to diagnose.  I was very keen to review this book because it's all about improving that recognition.  The book is called Recognizing Autism in Women & Girls: When it has been Hidden Well   by Wendela Whitcomb Marsh MA, BCBA, RSD. Published by Future Horizons Inc 2022. Layout At 216 well spaced and neatly laid out pages, this book is very easy to read and after a forward by Dr Temple Grandin, its chapters move through each of the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5th edition (DSM V) which is the currently main tool for autism diagnosis. The last few chapters ...

  It seems an odd question but it's one that crops up with alarming regularity on autism forums with older members.  It's also a loaded question because the literal answer is clearly, "No, there is no charge in the level of autism in us as we age. The subjective answer however is quite different. Image by Cheryl Holt from Pixabay What does it mean? When we ask whether we become more autistic,  what we're really trying to ask is whether our autistic traits become more pronounced over time. It's an interesting question. The visibility of our autistic traits waxes and wanes throughout our lives based on personal and environmental circumstances. To answer this, we need to take a look at how autistic traits manifest in different age groups.  Babies When we start out in life,  the expectations on us are fairly simple.  We are expected to sleep, cry and drink milk. Any differences that we may have will usually have little effect on our ability to deliver in th...

I was recently asked about my diagnosis and about the whole genetic link in Asperger's Syndrome. I thought I'd already answered this somewhere on the blog but when I didn't find it, I figured that it was something that I should clarify.  Yes, I do have Asperger's syndrome. I also have a son, currently aged 16 with Asperger's and NVLD and ADHD(I). I have a second son with HFA but since he's very verbal, even more son than his older brother, it's clearly Asperger's now... or would be if the diagnosis of Asperger's still existed.  You can find out more about my family and I on the " About page " and you can find out more about me specifically via my four part introduction. See here for Parts  One ,  Two ,  Three  and  Four . Part four in particular talks about diagnosis. "This Book is About You" In a nutshell though, my eldest child was diagnosed at 5. His differences were picked up by his teachers who met with us severa...

He doesn't look autistic to me...  It's a phrase that every parent of a child on the autism spectrum dreads. Apparently it's meant as a compliment but in reality it's a fairly impressive bit of “multiple insulting“. Disclaimer: Nick Cage doesn't necessarily have autism but I used this photo because it has the right kind of "weird face" required to match the offending phrase. Why is this so insulting? On the one hand,  it's insulting to all people with autism because it suggests that all children with autism can be identified by presumably defective physical traits making them “inferior” to their neurotypical counterparts in yet another way. On the other hand, it's insulting to the person who has autism and their carers because it belittles their struggle and challenges the idea that they have anything to complain about. People often use the offending phrase to suggest that a child or adult doesn't need special treatment or support ...

Autism and the extended family is a book with an unusual feel to it. In fact, it's opening chapters felt so different that I was initially wondering if I would like the book. As it turns out, the language is completely appropriate and it is a good book. It's just that being as close to autism as I am, I'm not in the target audience. Where most autism books jump right in and talk about the details of autism from the inside, this book remains firmly outside the circle, keeping the outsider’s viewpoint. To be honest, the opening chapters reminded me a lot of “Autism speaks” literature but don't worry, it gets a lot better from there. The book is trying to speak to outsiders and it needs to use concepts that they can understand. This book talks about high functioning individuals but it feels much more like a book for families with more difficult and more "hands on" forms of autism. The book starts with a "welcome to my world" chapter,  I can'...

Warning: This post is likely to be upsetting or even offensive to some readers.  I apologize for this.  I hope that by writing frankly, I can stir up some feelings on this issue and perhaps even help some people to understand why this issue is important. It's a difficult line to walk, stirring up feeling without offending. Hopefully I won't cause too many issues. There's an article out by the canary party which seeks to highlight issues in Mitsubishi's funding of a charity.  It's well worth a read. See: Mitsubishi Funds Group that Opposes Preventing or Curing Autism http://us2.campaign-archive1.com/?u=b62698a50aececa2aded9f56b&id=14c79a482a&e=7835a237fe It's a perfect example of what is wrong with so many of the autism campaigns out there. First of all, the canary party complains that the charity being funded "opposes all efforts to cure or prevent autism, denies an increase in autism prevalence and now seeks to promote this form of “acti...

There's no question about it, the majority of Asperger's diagnosis' handed out today go to children. It is also pretty clear that the diagnosis provides access to a lot of ongoing early intervention and is the most successful way of dealing with the problems condition poses. Some time ago I asked whether or not it made sense to label our children. Although the answers were far from unanimous, the majority seemed to support the label. This was because in most cases, a diagnosis provided obvious benefits. It's a fairly simple question when aimed at children but it becomes a very different question when aimed at adults. It's difficult to tell whether or not a diagnosis can be useful for an adult who has already become well-established in the world, though not necessarily successful. A Lack of Obvious Benefits For a start, the obvious benefits just aren't there. There generally aren't any government handouts for adults with aspergers and revealing your condi...

A Quick Recap   Thus far, we've looked at the effects of an Asperger's (or autism) diagnosis on parents (of younger children) and on the Aspies themselves . In this post I want to look at how other family members, colleagues, teachers and friends react.  Siblings   At young ages, there is little reaction from siblings towards the diagnosis and its effects. Any young sibling reaction tends to be directed towards the perceived "differences", not the label.  This begins to change as the affected child grows older and gets more "special treatment". Its common for mothers to "baby" their aspergers children and this can cause resentment with siblings.  If a diagnosis is revealed to a sibling at adulthood, the result is often denial and dismissal. This is similar, though often stronger than the similar reactions expressed by parents when their adult children receive a label.  Older siblings often consider the label an attempt to "get more attent...

In part one of this series, we looked at how parents react when their children are labelled. In part two, we look at how the person being labelled reacts and discuss the best times for disclosure.  The Age Differential Most people with Aspergers seem to be "born with a knowledge of their difference", though in truth this awareness develops over time, mostly during their primary school years. The age at which the label of Asperger's or autism is used to describe these differences seems to have significant impact upon the way in which they are received by the person with the label. Of course, there are other factors too, particularly the way in which others receive the news. The Very Young As you would expect, telling an "under 8" year old child that they have Asperger's Syndrome or autism is pretty similar to telling them that they are wearing a blue cardigan or that they were born in Australia. Their reaction is pretty minimal. Of course, the fact that...

The BBC has a really interesting test on its web site at the moment. It's all about whether or not people can spot fake smiles versus real ones. I figured that since it's part of the diagnostic criteria for aspergers that we have problems reading non-verbal cues, it would provide some insightful results. Real versus Fake Smile Test http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/index.shtml The test shows you 20 videos of people smiling either real or fake smiles. You can't replay the smiles until you've finished voting but you can spend as long as you like thinking about them before you choose your answer. I expected to do badly but in fact, I did really well. I got 19 out of 20 correct. You'll need a flash enabled browser/computer to do the test. My Secret (Don't read this until you've done the test yourself) At the end of the test, it asks you to indicate what clued you in. In my case it was not the smiles at all. It was other head movemen...

Introduction The aim of this series is to look at how various groups of people react to label disclosure. There's always a lot of information on the criteria and the tests but there's not a terrible lot of material on the reactions once a label is assigned.  I plan to cover, the reactions of parents, those being diagnosed and others around them. Parental Reactions Parents often have very extreme reactions to their child's diagnosis. Depending upon the parents, their reactions could be opposite. Indeed, when my son was first diagnosed, my wife and I experienced the "opposites" reaction described under "relief". The Quiz and Denial One of the biggest problems with autism spectrum disorders is that there is no "litmus paper" test. On the face of it, Asperger's and autism often gets diagnosed with a quiz and a bit of observation. This makes it very easy for parents to deny the condition. After all, it's like someone doing an "...

Image by Sherilyn Hawley from Pixabay This article follows on from parts 1-3 which deal with when parents, children and peers begin to recognise that there are differences.  (see: Should you tell your child ). There are at least three levels of recognition involved with the discovery that a child is different. Adult Awareness This invariably seems to come first - from parents, teachers, relatives, other parents and doctors. Usually these adults have enough discretion to avoid talking about the differences in front of the child - particularly if the child is unaware of the problem. The Child's Personal Awareness I hope that this series of posts has served to highlight an important truth - that the aspie becomes self-aware at a fairly early age. They won't know anything about aspergers itself but they will at least sense that they are different. Peer Awareness It also doesn't take long for a child's peer group at school to begin recognising the differences and, depen...

In my last post, I talked about how much aspies hate being asked "how was your day". It was entirely from an aspie point of view and I made no apologies for our behaviour but simply told things as they are. I got a lot of feedback about that post including a few messages from NTs about how much strain this puts on the relationship. I started to think about how this affects my relationship and discussed it with my wife. She replied that "it's downright rude" and she has a point though I'd probably use the word "direct" rather than "rude". Who should change? You may have gotten the idea from my last post that I think the NT should change to accommodate the aspie and if I was speaking only as an aspie, I'd probably agree. From a relationship point of view however, it's obvious that this isn't the answer. My intention with this series of posts is to try to see both sides of the story. But first... a bit of a meander... Changing...

Reminder Just a quick reminder that although I'm knowledgeable about Aspergers, I'm not a medical professional. I can only apply what I know and see to my own, my childrens and my friends/acquaintances conditions. The Question This post is in response to an interesting question I received via comment. I am confused by the list in the DSM - IV that describes this condition a bit. I know aspergers is on a spectrum, so it doesn't look the same in everyone. Yet in the DSM -- IV it states that the traits which people have when they have aspergers have to significantly detract from a persons ability to thrive in social situations. So assuming a case is borderline, where would asperger's end and a neurotypical person with a lot of aspie traits begin? The DSM and Diagnosis The DSM by itself is very confusing and opinions vary greatly from one doctor to another. Unlike diseases or physical problems, aspergers is still undetectable by electronic means such as X-rays, CAT scans ...

I was just reading an article on; Social Anxiety in High-functioning Children and Adolescents with Autism and Asperger Syndrome published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.  As of 2020, it seems to be no longer available, probably because Asperger's syndrome has now been dropped from the DSM (V). What I found particularly interesting  I've stated before on this blog that the only difference between Aspergers and High Functioning Autism is a language delay but I've always had this problem with my youngest child, who is diagnosed with HFA but is doing a lot of speech therapy.  You see, he's rapidly gaining language skills to the point where he's now certainly much more able to tell us what went on at preschool than my older (aspie) son did at the same age.  I keep thinking - what happens to the HFA diagnosis when the language delay disappears? My wife correctly surmised that it meant more than a simple "delay" in speech but I still cou...

Here's some unofficial figures from two separate surveys (both done in 2008) of the Jung/Briggs-Myers Introversion test. The results are from a survey done on WrongPlanet.net (which is - in my humble opinion - the best aspergers forum on the internet - if you haven't been there, it's well worth a visit. Some Scores My apologies for the Image Table, I couldn't get blogger to properly render a table. You can get to a text version of the table here . Introversion Ratios Comparing the scores in this table, there are a few interesting conclusions that we can reach; First of all, of the 299 responses, 93% were introverted and only 7% were extroverted. This suggests a much higher than anticipated percentage of aspies who are introverted however there is one important factor to consider. This test was done on the internet. A person with an introverted personality is much more likely to do a test on the internet than a person with an extroverted personality. Aspie Personalit...