Life with Aspergers

Normally, I don't post correspondence here as I like to keep those things private and individual but I recently got an email from a parent who was concerned about a number of traits her son was showing.  I've replied to her questions in prose and as I was reading it back I thought it might be a useful thing to post, so... all identifying information removed and lots of extra links added, here it is. Eye Contact Inconsistent eye contact is generally a sign of "gaze avoidance" - ie: lack of eye contact. Darting ones eyes around the room during a conversation is a great avoidance tactic as it gives a person a break from being totally focused on the speaker - something which is quite painful at times. Some children with autism give good eye contact but most do not.  You might want to encourage your son to look at mouths instead as this keeps his head pointing in the right direction and reduces eye-darting without making uncomfortable eye contact. If he do...

This is a "best of the best" article. Check back here after September 15 for more articles by other authors on this topic. There is a saying about Aspergers which I believe applies equally well to most, if not all, other special needs - to paraphrase; "if you've met one person with special needs, you've met ONE person needs". Just as all special needs people are different, the calming techniques required are also quite different. Techniques which calm one person may simply infuriate another. Trial and Error In this post, I plan to cover a few approaches but the application of these is very much a matter of trial and error. If your actions seem to be worsening a situation then stop and try a different approach. Getting Attention No technique is going to work unless you have attention. It doesn't have to be total attention, part attention is fine. Don't forget too that many special needs children have issues with eye contact, so "attention" ...

As discussed a few posts back, I've been doing a lot of cub scout leader training recently. It's been very interesting because it has taught me a lot about myself. In this post I want to discuss a recent experiment with eye contact. Overcoming the Eye Contact Behavioural Issues I don't have a particular problem with eye contact compared to my aspie peers. This is because most people assume that I am giving good eye contact and don't hassle me about it. In truth, although I don't give good eye contact, I give great "lip contact", though probably not the kind you're thinking of. Being deaf has taught me to stare at people's lips when they talk as an aid to lip-reading. Since most people simply assume that I'm looking at their eyes when they're talking I haven't been subject to the constant corrections that other aspies have to suffer. Of course, it has its downsides too. Every now and then, someone will realise that I'm not look...

John Elder Robison (author of " Look me in the Eye ") has posted part one of a story about a female with aspergers on his blog . I was quite interested to read it because the female aspie is something of a mystery. Under-diagnosed and under documented, there are undoubtedly fewer female aspies than males. I'm still not convinced that they're as rare as they seem though. Anyway, I'd encourage you to read and respond to his article; Life as an Aspergian female - a story I had to share http://jerobison.blogspot.com/2009/09/life-as-aspergian-female-story-i-had-to.html My Take Personally, I felt somewhat miffed by the article. It's probably my OCD/Pedantism rebelling against the generalisations in it but I'll try to outline my reasons in more detail; The Bad Empathy It would take several blog posts to even begin to break the surface on the whole empathy thing. I have big problems with the whole definition of empathy and still ha...

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay This post is quite a long and rambling one... my apologies. I haven't been the most supportive husband of late due mainly to two separate incidents, both of which are worth blogging about. I'll cover one incident in this post and hopefully by the time I do my next post, I'll have my head around the second. Talk is Difficult If you read most articles which cover aspie diagnostic criteria, you'll find mention of the difficulties of smalltalk. You could be forgiven for thinking that this means that aspies are hopeless at discussing off-topic things like the weather (except for the surprisingly large number for whom this is a special interest). You might also assume that aspies would be fine when talking on the job or about their special interests. That a computer aspie like myself could talk to lots of people for hours about computers - so long as nobody mentions "the weather". Similarly, you could assume that discussions with ...

Today, I'm returning to the subject of Empathy because it's a very important part of the Aspergers condition. We lack empathy, but we're not incapable of it. It's just a lot of hard work for us. My previous post on Empathy is linked here I've just answered a fascinating question on WrongPlanet about the difference between Empathy and Emotion. It took a fair amount of thinking but I feel that I've captured the basics -though, as usual, I'm quite happy to be corrected. I was so happy with my thinking that I've expanded the whole thing here to become my topic of the day. The Difference between Empathy and Emotion Empathy deals with understanding (and in some cases, replication) of someone else's emotions or state of mind while emotions are focussed solely upon your own feelings. As a result; You can be empathetic without showing emotions. You can show emotion without being empathetic. Example 1: Empathy without showing Emotion A neighbour loses ...

Just thought I'd post a couple of great Aspie links; Napoleon Dynamite (defining Aspergers) I recently watched this film which others have said is an aspie film. It is. It's funny but also very real. Anyway, someone has gotten clips from this film and put them together in a "Definition of Aspergers video". It's well worth a watch. Don't forget though, Napoleon seems to be a bit extreme; The Good Side of Aspergers Ok, now the video above mostly points out the bad things about Aspergers, so I figured I'd put a link to a recent article on known aspie geniuses that was in the UK Telegraph yesterday. Albert Einstein 'found genius through autism' By Nic Fleming, Science Correspondent Last Updated: 4:01pm GMT 21/02/2008

Social interaction is very difficult for people with aspergers for a number of reasons including; Difficulty Achieving and Maintaining Eye Contact Difficulty reading body-language and tone Problems using non-verbal gestures and tone Intrusions from the Special Interest (Disinterest in other topics) Difficulty keeping away from Detail Short Term Memory Issues Language Issues I've already covered eye contact in earlier posts, so I won't cover it again here. Body Language and Tone I don't think that the aspie has any trouble determining when someone is annoyed. That sort of body language and tone is usually strong enough. Most of the time, the problematic body language seems to come from humor or generalizations. For example; I have terrible problems when someone insults me with a smile on their face. I'm never sure if it's a genuine insult or "just mucking around". If I assume it's a genuine insult and retaliate, I could start a fight. If I assume t...

There's a lot in the literature about gaze-avoidance or lack of eye contact in Asperger's kids (and adults) but not really a lot from an Asperger's point of view. What Practitioners and Parents Think Frequently, it's left up to the reader's imagination to think of reasons - perhaps the child has just not learned that making eye contact is an essential part of spoken communication? Of course, this theory assumes that the condition is eventually treatable by training. It's consistent with the notion that eye contact does improve as the subject gets older but it's from a medical or educational point of view instead of coming from an Aspie. [btw: apologies for my use of the term aspie - I'll use it through this blog in a familiar sense because it's difficult to keep writing Asperger's Syndrome. It is not intended to be derogatory in any way.] An Aspie Point of View Eye contact hurts.. no, not in the painful sense but it's quite uncomfortable....