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Showing posts from June, 2009

Can Aspies Make Good Parents? - Part 2.5 Meltdowns

I've titled this post 2.5 because I forgot to talk about meltdowns and their effect on children in my last post and because I really wanted part 3 to be about move the positive things.    There are lots of reasons why meltdowns are not healthy in the family environment but the worst are;  Anger Issues and Danger The worst thing about meltdowns is that the aspie is not 100% in control. They will sometimes lash out at antagonists and throw or kick things. If an aspie has a violent meltdown around their children, there is always a chance, however slight, that someone could get hurt (or at the very least, the kids could learn some choice new phrases).   In my case, since having kids, I've had to adapt significantly. I've had to work harder to identify and avoid meltdown triggers before they happen . Since I'm the world's worst handyman and since the only thing that really causes me issues nowadays is a failure to meet my own perfectionist expectations, this means I don&

Can Aspies Make Good Parents? - Part 2

Note: I've changed the post titles in this series from a statement to a question because I think it will promote more discussion.   Continuing from the last post debunking some of the myths of bad parenting due to Aspergers.  The Anti-Social Parent   Since the majority of diagnosed aspies tend to be male, this is generally less of an issue because men in general are usually less social than women and because men are less often expected to attend social functions for schools etc.   Furthermore, I personally feel less than qualified to address this question because although I'm often quiet and reserved (and very uncomfortable at social gatherings), my social issues tend to affect me less than many of my fellow aspies.   As such, my comments here relate to "strained" attendance at functions, rather than the non-attendance which often applies. Children's schools, sports and other activities have a way of gathering parents together in various social ways.   When chil

Can Aspies Make Good Parents? - Part 1

Introduction With all the negative things being said about aspergers on the internet, you could be forgiven for thinking that they make terrible parents. It's not true. In general, aspies make no better or no worse parents than neurotypicals. Everyone is different and everyone selects their own parenting style. A lot of things affect your parenting style, including your own parents, the environment, the nature of your partner and your childen themselves. Parenting is not some genetic switch than simply turns itself on when your child is born, it takes years of hard work, guidance, plenty of mistakes and a lot of patience, experience and love. It's sad to think that we only become the best parents possible for a given age group when our children are leaving it for the next set of age-related behaviours. It's funny to look back on my original thoughts about parenting and some of the naieve things I said that "my children would never do". I've been wrong

An Introduction - Part Four (Family)

This is the last part of my story, thus far. Next week I'll get back onto normal aspie topics. Marital Delays It was more or less assumed that I'd get married within a year of engagement but instead, it was exactly three years (to the day). A lot happened in those three years. Initially, I'd assumed that I'd stay with my parents more or less until the day I was married but Joanne had been renting with various groups of housemates for years and the proposed demolition of her building meant that she had to move out. Eventually, on advice from my parents (and threats from my fiancee) I moved in with her. After a few months, we got tired of paying someone else's mortgage and bought a place of our own. After three years, we'd learned to solve our problems together and everything was going well. The wedding went off without a hitch too, though that was mainly due to my wife's carefuly planning. Joanne and I on our Wedding Day . My wife was always quite ambitious

An Introduction - Part Three (Early Adulthood)

Continuing my story, If this is dull I apologize (there's only one more part after this and then I'll get back to more topical posts). The next set of hurdles were in tertiary education, the workplace and relationships. It's important to note that at the time, I was completely unaware of my aspergers. What makes this story interesting is the way in which aspie traits obviously shaped my decisions. Civil Engineering I guess the third part of my story picks up after I left school. I'd gotten quite good marks and gone to university to do Civil Engineering. I knew nothing about engineering, hadn't taken the right subjects for it at school and wasn't even sure exactly what engineers did. My father was adamant that it was a good career choice and my two of friends were starting on electrical engineering, so it must have been good. My teachers at school were stunned. After all, they'd always figured that I'd pursue a career in journalism or computing. The work

Article: Reflection on Grief and Loss

I'd like to draw your attention to a post on Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg's excellent Aspergers Journeys Blog . The post is titled; Reflections on Grief and Loss: One Aspie’s Story Posted: May 31st 2009. I think that one of the most important things in this post is the fact that Rachel displays a wide and varying range of emotion in her grief and that much of that emotion isn't necessarily visible on the outside. One of the stereotypes that aspies find themselves fighting is the "emotionless robot". The research seems to have confused the showing of emotion with the "having" of emotion. In truth they're entirely different. Both can exist without the other. If you know anyone who thinks that aspies are emotionless or if you've been told this by doctors, I urge you to read Rachel's post and learn the truth.