Life with Aspergers

I was asked by a reader if I could write something about Adult Meltdowns.  This is my attempt.  It's not terribly good because I find this topic very difficult to write about.   In children, meltdowns are sometimes incorrectly referred to as "tantrums".  I've talked about the differences between a meltdown and a tantrum before so I won't bore you with the details again. The key things to remember about meltdowns are as follows; They are not controlled events Once "tripped" they can't be stopped easily. The reasons for them are often long term and/or sensory (even though the triggers are usually immediate). A young child can often be restrained or moved to a place of safety during a meltdown but what about older kids and adults? As a parent, you can often tell your kids to "go to your room" and sometimes they even comply but what happens when it's your spouse that's having the meltdown? Adult Meltdowns Do Happen (the...

So far we've looked at the different ways in which bullying can manifest itself and discussed some options for damage control once it starts. Some people however present more of a target to bullies than others. In this post, we'll look at some things you can do to reduce your chances of being bullied. Being Different Like many aggressors, bullies often have an intense "dislike for the unlike". This means that if there is something about you that is different, they will seize upon it as an excuse to bully. If you're an aspie, you'll already be fighting an "uphill battle" because NTs can somehow sense our differences within minutes of meeting us. It's mostly to do with our body language and while it's possible to learn how to hide it from others in occasional conversation, there's very little that you can do when you're in constant daily contact with a potential bully. This means that you'll have to work all the harder to blend in....

John Elder Robison (author of "Look me in the Eye") has I've already covered part one and the first half of part two of this article but my OCD dictates that I need to finish the rest. If you haven't read it, the article is on John Elder Robison's excellent blog; Part II of the Female’s View of Asperger’s guest post http://jerobison.blogspot.com/2009/09/part-ii-of-females-view-of-aspergers.html Since this post, like the previous two, is a reaction to the article, you probably should have read the originals first. Continuing on from Part 1 and Part 2a . Expression I love the term "hunted animal expression". I've often had people come up to me and ask "are you alright" when I've been perfectly alright and just thinking. I guess that when I'm deep-thinking, my facial muscles relax into whatever is my normal aspie expression - it must be scary. Deborah, the writer, talks about a difference between the male and female expression sug...

I've titled this post 2.5 because I forgot to talk about meltdowns and their effect on children in my last post and because I really wanted part 3 to be about move the positive things.    There are lots of reasons why meltdowns are not healthy in the family environment but the worst are;  Anger Issues and Danger The worst thing about meltdowns is that the aspie is not 100% in control. They will sometimes lash out at antagonists and throw or kick things. If an aspie has a violent meltdown around their children, there is always a chance, however slight, that someone could get hurt (or at the very least, the kids could learn some choice new phrases).   In my case, since having kids, I've had to adapt significantly. I've had to work harder to identify and avoid meltdown triggers before they happen . Since I'm the world's worst handyman and since the only thing that really causes me issues nowadays is a failure to meet my own perfectionist expectations, this means I ...

In my last post, I introduced the idea of depression in Asperger's, made a few lists and cited a little bit of research. My apologies if I became a bit clinical. To the people who have told me to keep this blog personal rather then following established research, I am listening. In this post, I will be explaining some of the entries in the lists of the previous post. Social Troubles related to fitting in. This should be fairly self explanatory. Despite the appearance of being loners, Aspies often suffer from loneliness. Their poor conversational skills often make it more difficult for them to make and keep friends and to have a social life in general. This leads to loneliness and loneliness leads to depression. Guilt or Regret over Past Actions There is some truth to the phrase "this is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you". When an Aspie is stirred to the point of outburst and/or meltdown, they can temporarily lose control. When this happens, invariably somet...

Following directly on from part one, this entry will try to look at meltdowns in adults. How long do meltdowns usually last? Most meltdowns in children last between five and 15 minutes though I have heard of some lasting 45. The lower end of this range is probably due to the amount of energy that an Aspie expends on the meltdown itself. Older and stronger children would obviously be able to continue their meltdown behavior for a longer period than younger ones. How then, do meltdowns manifest themselves in adults who obviously are much stronger than children. This one is quite difficult for me to answer because any sense of time disappears during a meltdown. I believe however that I have not gone over the 45 minute mark. I am not sure whether meltdowns are sustainable over a longer period. The violent adult meltdown Although there is some suggestion that the violent adult meltdown could lead to mass murderous tendencies ( Port Arthur Massacre - Australia 1996 ), there is much to s...

What is a Meltdown? A meltdown is a condition where the Aspie temporarily loses control due to emotional responses to environmental factors. It generally appears that the aspie has lost control over a single and specific issue however this is very rarely the case. Usually, the problem is the cumulation of a number of irritations which could span a fairly long period of time, particularly given the strong long-term memory facilities of the aspie. Why the Problems Seem Hidden Aspies don't tend to give a lot of clues that they are very irritated; their facial expressions very often will not convey the irritation their vocal tones will often remain flat even when they are fairly annoyed. Some things which annoy aspies would not be considered annoying to neurotypicals. This makes NT's less likely to pick up on a potential problem. Often Aspie grievances are aired as part of their normal conversation and may even be interpreted by NTs as part of their standard whinge. What happens...