Life with Aspergers

This post follows on from my earlier post " Young Teens and Eecutive Functioning Issues " If you haven't read that post, you might want to read it before continuing here as it provides a useful introduction to the topic. In my earlier post I defined lack of executive function and talked about the problems it can cause in day-to-day scenarios involving simple tasks, like getting dressed.  As children get older however, executive functioning difficulties become more pronounced because they're expected to be able to take responsibility for more far-reaching decisions. Decisions made by older teens can affect lives and can result in legal action, injury and even death. An Example; Take, as an example, the problem of driving home after a night out. The simplified executive functioning would probably flow as follows but each component would have a myriad of ordered sub-tasks as well; Decide - Am I ok to drive home?   This would require both a knowledge of the d...

Over the years I've written quite a bit about AS/NT relationships. I've written about accepting your aspergers partner for who they are and how to reach them in the relationship. I guess that it's all been a bit one-sided but today I'm starting a series which might rectify the balance. These  posts is directed at people with Asperger's sydrome and are about being the best partner that you can be. All relationships need work. They're not "fire and forget". You can't simply say, ok we've ticked the boxes; we're married, we have a house and we have kids. That's not where the work ends. There's a saying from Marriage Encounters which I like to repeat. "Sometimes I love my partner -- and sometimes I have to work harder at it", Life is all about change. As aspies we often don't like change but we're powerless to stop it. Like it or not, people change and situations change. In order to adapt to these changes, we ...

"What I wish I'd known about Raising a Child with autism: A mom and a psychologist offer heartfelt guidance for the first five years", Bobbi Sheahan and Kathy DeOenellas PH D, Future Horizons Inc, 2011. This is a mother and psychologist writing team book with a difference. This time, the person with autism is female. The book in general is very well laid out and there is never any doubt as to which of the authors is writng at any given time.  Bobby has written the majority of the text while Kathy, the psychologist writes less frequently and always in a grey box. There are scattered tips highlighted throughout the book and each chapter includes at least a few entitled "it bears repeating" or "what I wish I'd known". Bobbi's writing style is breezy, funny and engaging. She covers some very difficult topics and makes it clear that as a parent nothing is ever easy. Kathy tends to write on a whole different level and at times seems to h...

My wife and I have just spent the last few months watching every episode of "Doc Martin" a British TV series about a Doctor (not that other Doctor) who relocates from a job as a top surgeon in London to general practitioner in Portwenn, a tiny fictional village in Cornwall.  It's mostly a comedy series but it has some drama and romance elements as well.  The reason I'm reviewing it here however is because Doc Martin's character is, I believe, intended to "have Aspergers Syndrome" and for neurotypical adults this gives you a good glimpse into both sides of an AS/NT relationship. Nobody does situation comedy for Television better than the British and Doc Martin doesn't disappoint in this area. Although it is very funny, it's actually in the development of Doc Martin's relationship that the show really excels.  Each story is relatively self-contained but it is strongly recommended that you watch the series in the correct order to get a g...

You'll often hear that people on the spectrum have problems with "executive functioning" but what does it mean and how does it manifest in young adults?   In this post, I hope to give you some answers. Image by 11066063 from Pixabay What are Executive Functions? Put simply, executive functions are higher level functions such as planning, reasoning, problem solving, multi-tasking, attention span, inhibition, flexibility, self monitoring, self-initiation and self guidance.  Executive functions are important but in an animal sense, a lack of them is usually not life threatening. Eating, sleeping, moving and toileting for example, aren't classed as "executive functions".   While executive functioning provides many advantages, it's not so critical in the pure "animal" sense. It's people and society that has made executive functioning critical in humans. An Example: Get Ready for School The remainder of this post will focus on an example, in thi...

There's been a lot of discussion in the blogsphere recently culmulating in this interesting and insightful post  about drawing lines in the sand.  The ideals expressed were admirable but I could see several places where the author of the post hadn't actually met them (based on things said in comments and earlier posts). Like a true aspie champion of logic, I was about to point them out when I realised two things; It's not very nice  My slate isn't exactly clean either It got me thinking about the bigger picture and inspired me to take a look at advocacy and different points of view. In particular, I was wondering how I personally would go accepting all of these conflicting points of view. The Indivisible Point of View We're advocates right? We have to have a point of view. In my case, I'm advocating for my children's right to be accepted as part of normal society. For their right to do things that others do and for their right to live without ...

I just finished reading an Aspergers Relationship book today (it's excellent by the way and a review is coming shortly). The book had a great quote from Tony Attwood near the end and it's such a great quote that I've been  mulling it over all day long. I thought it was worth repeating here; Clinical and counselling experience suggests that there are three requisites for a successful relationship. The first is that both partners acknowledge the diagnosis. The second requisite is motivation for both partners to change and learn. The third is access to relationship counselling modified to accommodate the profile of abilities and experiences of the partner with Aspergers Syndrome. - Dr. Tony Attwood, "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" Let's look at Tony's three requirements in more detail; 1. Both partners acknowledge the diagnosis I know that I'm often saying that "it's just a label" and "it doesn't ...

If you're new to the world of special needs, you'll quickly become acquianted with a list of "hot topics" ranging from debate about the use of jigsaw logos, to the words aspie, aspergian, autie and others. Of course, the biggest debate of all has always been - should we or shouldn't we medicate our children?  It's a good question and there's no easy answer.  Image by Ewa Urban from Pixabay Protest Groups You really can't discuss this topic without talking about protest groups. There are protest groups everywhere and they all have different motivations. Some of them are against any kind of medication - including aspirin, some are based on "knee-jerk" reactions to incorrect research and some are simply reacting to "bad events" or bad press. Of course, there are some good protest groups around too but they're usually drowned out by their noisier counterparts. Most of the protest groups seem to have ulterior motivations. They'r...

This week is the official international ADHD Awareness week and I thought it might be appropriate to talk about the condition - especially since it's so common in children (and adults) with Asperger Syndrome. In fact, it's very common for people to be diagnosed with ADHD first. ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder and it goes hand in hand with another disorder which was once called ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). These two disorders are now considered one, though it's quite common to distingish ADD as ADHD-I (ADHD - Inattentive). Public Perception If you don't have children with ADHD/ADD, you're probably imagining children who are literally bouncing off walls, throwing things and jumping across furniture. Like Aspergers, ADHD suffers greatly from stereotypes. It's quite common for people to witness televised "extreme acts of ADHD" and blame it on the parents, red cordial, too much TV, poor discipline or any number of other things. ...

This is a "best of the best post. Check the link: SOS Best of the Best Edition 11: Family Life from 15th October for more posts on this topic by other authors. Normally I tend to keep my family life quite separate from my general aspergers posts. No, I'm not fussed about privacy, it's all there on a different blog (see: http://gbollard.blogspot.com ). I just do my best to to shield my readers from the boredom of my daily life. This month's BOB topic however is "family life" and I guess this is one of the hardest posts I've had to write. How do I make it sound interesting? You see, apart from unexpected change, our lives are pretty much the same as everyone else's. We've got things down to a routine. It wasn't always like this. We had years of terrible struggle until we developed all of the rules. As parents, we've gotten very good at predicting events and distractions. For example; We can now look at food with the eyes of my eldest son an...

In my last post, I looked at less confrontational strategies to approach autistic children with under normal conditions . In this post, I want to look at how it's done during a meltdown. A Brief Look at Meltdowns I'll begin by defining a meltdown. Meltdowns are generally violent and loud events which look very much like temper tantrums with one very obvious distinction. Meltdowns are " out of control " events.  The person is not using the meltdown as a means of getting what they want - in fact, they want the meltdown to stop more than you do. Not all meltdowns actually are violent but all have the capacity to be violent. A person in a meltdown state is not responsible for their actions . For this reason, it's important for young children on the spectrum to learn their triggers and how to avoid them. To Approach or Not to Approach The first question that you need to ask yourself is; is it dangerous for you, for others or for the child? If the situation isn...

For many people, particularly teachers, the first real experience with autism comes as part of an intervention in a "situation". After all, aside from odd mannerisms and odd comments, many autistic children can appear quiet and non-participative - this can easily be mistaken for shyness. The real problems begin to surface when an extraordinary event, such as a meltdown or shutdown occurs. Even if no such event occurs, a simple friendly intervention from a teacher can sometimes result in a unexpected response. When such events do occur, they can "sour" the relationship between teacher and child - and sometimes between the parents and school too. Recovery is a long process of "walking on eggshells" for which most teachers don't have the time or patience, In this post. I want to look at some of the ways that you can modify your approach to children with aspergers syndrome to reduce those ill effects. I'll be concentrating on an approach under no...

" Blazing My Trail: Living and Thriving with Autism " by Rachel B. Cohen-Rottenberg is a "sequel" to "The Uncharted Path" which I reviewed here and followed up here . When we last left Rachel's story, she had fully accepted her place on the autism spectrum and was making plans to take control of parts of her life. The plans weren't big plans but every long journey begins with small steps. At times, it feels like an entirely different person has written this book. This Rachel is capable, confident, assertive (without being nearly so argumentive) and full of promise. Yes, it is a sequel and indeed in the first chapter or two, it feels like you need to have read the first book - but then it all changes and from then on, whenever it references past events, it provides a handy recap. I feel that the titles of the books were very well chosen, with "The Uncharted Path" being about taking uncertain steps into unknown territory and Blazing My Tr...

This is a "best of the best" article. Check back here after September 15 for more articles by other authors on this topic. There is a saying about Aspergers which I believe applies equally well to most, if not all, other special needs - to paraphrase; "if you've met one person with special needs, you've met ONE person needs". Just as all special needs people are different, the calming techniques required are also quite different. Techniques which calm one person may simply infuriate another. Trial and Error In this post, I plan to cover a few approaches but the application of these is very much a matter of trial and error. If your actions seem to be worsening a situation then stop and try a different approach. Getting Attention No technique is going to work unless you have attention. It doesn't have to be total attention, part attention is fine. Don't forget too that many special needs children have issues with eye contact, so "attention" ...

A friend is doing a talk on Cyberbullying and asked for some suggestions. Unfortunately I'm not the sort of person who can write "just a little" and as it turns out, my response is too long for Facebook. As such, I've decided to "post here and link there". In any case, she may find your own comments/responses to be better than my original statements; So here are the Questions; When does freedom of speech cross over to cyberbullying? What productive strategies have you used when encountering online bullying? Parents/Teachers: Do your school districts have a cyberbullying policy or guidelines which they enforce? Psychologists/Therapists: How serious can this kind of trauma be to individuals enduring online attacks? When does freedom of speech cross over to cyberbullying? For many people, this threshold is reached shortly after the person being attacked starts complaining. For people on the spectrum however, this threshold may be reached quite some t...