Skip to main content

Special Needs Family Life

This is a "best of the best post. Check the link: SOS Best of the Best Edition 11: Family Life from 15th October for more posts on this topic by other authors.

Normally I tend to keep my family life quite separate from my general aspergers posts. No, I'm not fussed about privacy, it's all there on a different blog (see:http://gbollard.blogspot.com). I just do my best to to shield my readers from the boredom of my daily life.

This month's BOB topic however is "family life" and I guess this is one of the hardest posts I've had to write. How do I make it sound interesting?

You see, apart from unexpected change, our lives are pretty much the same as everyone else's. We've got things down to a routine.

It wasn't always like this. We had years of terrible struggle until we developed all of the rules. As parents, we've gotten very good at predicting events and distractions.

For example; We can now look at food with the eyes of my eldest son and know that the texture will set him off. We're prepared. Sometimes we'll give him an alternative and sometimes we'll simply give him a smaller portion, carefully selected to avoid triggering his texture sensitivities.

We can anticipate the problems that change will create and begin warning and preparing well before the event. If classes at school are going to be largely disrupted or if there's a large unstructured and loosely supervised event occuring (like a swimming carnival), then we can simply keep the kids at home that day.

Then there's disappointment. We've learned to deal with it. Instead of shamfacedly saying, "oh well, you got an E in writing... at least it wasn't an F", we dismiss the reports and concentrate on effort rather than performance. Our kids are trying and that's all that matters. We say; "did you do your best? Well done then. Good effort".

Then there's worry about the future. It used to be part of our lives but now we're all Hakuna Matata (thanks Timon and Pumbaa). Our aim is simply happiness.

We've learned to not only accept the weird but to openly embrace it. Sure, we still have some crazy moments, like when Kaelan (10) whipped out his camera at customs and started taking photos of the officials, or when Tristan (7) booked a wedding for himself online. We still have our meltdowns, our car fights and crazy misinterpretations.

We've learned to live with those weird moments - and to celebrate them.

Every family has those things though.

So, our home life is sweet now - at least until the next meltdown, holiday or unscheduled event.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Cute post, as we are getting further down the road as a family, its the same story. I have to admit i love the special quirks and oddities that come with aspergers. The reluctence to change and meltdowns we could do without... But you are right all families have their stuff. I know no 'normal' person, if one exists they must be pretty lonely!
Amy said…
Very much enjoyed your post. Congratulations on the wedding (wink - okay that's something our son would do!).
aspmom said…
Love the family photo. Those are beautiful kiddos!

Popular posts from this blog

Why Do Aspies Suddenly Back-Off in Relationships? (Part 1)

One of the most frequent questions I'm asked is why an aspie (or suspected aspie) suddenly goes "cold" and backs off on an otherwise good relationship. It's a difficult question and the answers would vary considerably from one person to another and would depend greatly on the circumstances. Nevertheless, I'll try to point out some possibilities. Negative Reasons I generally like to stay positive on this blog and assume that people are not necessarily "evil" but simply misguided. Unfortunately, I do have to acknowledge that there are some people out there who take advantage of others. I read a book a few years ago on "sociopaths in the workplace" and I was stunned by the figures. They suggested that sociopaths were so common that most workplaces (small business) had at least one or two. The fact is that there are lots of people out there who really feel very little for others and who are very manipulative. I'd like to say that aspies are

Why do Aspies Suddenly Back Off in Relationships (Part 2)

In part one, we looked at the role that Change Resistance plays in causing aspies to suddenly go "cold" in otherwise good relationships. This time, I want to look at self esteem and depression; Self Esteem The aspie relationship with themselves is tedious at best. People with Asperger's commonly suffer from low self esteem. As discussed in earlier posts, this low self esteem often results from years of emotional turmoil resulting from their poor social skills. Aspies are often their own worst enemy. They can over analyze situations and responses in an effort to capture lost nonverbal communication. This often causes them to invent problems and to imagine replies. Everything made up by aspies will tend to be tainted with their own self image. This is one of reasons that people with Asperger's will sometimes decide that they are not good enough for their partner and that they must let them go. Sometimes, the aspie will develop a notion of chivalry or self-sacri

Aspie Myths - "He Won't Miss Me"

I apologise for the excessive "male-orientated" viewpoint in this post. I tried to keep it neutral but somehow, it just works better when explained from a male viewpoint. Here's a phrase that I've seen repeated throughout the comments on this blog on several occasions; "I know that he won't miss me when I'm gone because he's aspie" Today, we're going to (try to) bust that myth; Individuals I'll start off with a reminder that everyone is an individual. If all aspies were completely alike and predictible, they'd be a stereotype but they're not. Each is shaped by their background, their upbringing, their beliefs and their local customs. An aspie who grew up with loud abusive parents has a reasonable chance of becoming loud and abusive themselves because in some cases, that's all they know. That's how they think adults are supposed to behave. In other cases, aspies who grew up in those circumstances do a complete a