Life with Aspergers

As I prepare to close the door on 2024, which was another blog-lite year for me (I only did three). I wanted to talk about where I am at and about why Autism is still highly topical in 2024.  Image Generated by Google Gemini Where I am I'm still married to the same person (just passed 27 years), still working and still living in the same place (24 and 28 years respectively). My kids have grown up and are now trending towards their mid-twenties. I've tried to talk about them less to give them more space to grow up into individuals who can go through life without having people look them up online and learn everything about them.  For all our "advances" and "woke-ism", the world is a much more dangerous and intolerant place than it was in 2007 when I started this blog. Words like "Asperger's" are now considered triggers and instead of providing protection, social media companies have created platforms that encourage and support bullying, spam and ...

Living with Autism Undiagnosed by Ruth Horowitz is quite an unusual book in that it's not exactly an "autism book".  By that, I mean that the vast majority of the events in the book occur well before Ruth received a diagnosis and that thus far, I don't get the impression that Ruth as done a complete review of her life in the frame of autism. This is something that many of us on the spectrum do but it also takes many years and a lot of insight. This is quite a good thing though because the book is very much a biographical retelling of the events of Ruth's life without a lot of explanations. We are left to interpret those events and actions and there are many clues to how these relate to autism spread throughout. This makes the reader think and pulls them into the story.  Ruth's story is a very interesting one for several reasons. It's rare to hear the voices and stories of older autistic women and usually these stories are either triumphs against adversity ...

In my last post I talked about the dangers of social media. Today I want to talk briefly about a recent event and how it needed to be dealt with. Names are changed to protect people.  The aim of this post is to educate parents and fellow autistics about how this problem started, why it became such a big deal and how to deal with it if and when it does happen to you. Even if you don't read this whole post, at least skip to the end where I give some recommendations for ensuring that this doesn't happen to you. How the Problem Started I received a call about an autistic boy who had an issue on social media. Essentially the crux of the problem was other family members who followed his channel on YouTube were being confronted with videos containing bad language and nudity. This included younger children, so clearly it was a issue.  For the sake of clarity, I'm going to call this autistic young adult "Robbie". Robbie is in his early twenties, he is fairly self-sufficie...

Following some recent issues with an  adult-aged autistic , I wanted to talk a little about social media and autism. Social media can be a great thing for autistic adults. It will enable them to contact others with, in most cases, fewer risks than real-life interactions. It can give them a chance to connect with others on the spectrum and/or with similar interests, and a chance to be heard. Unfortunately, social media has a dark side too.  Social Media can help people follow their special interests Social Media is Pervasive I've heard from a lot of parents that they don't allow their kids onto social media. This works very well when they are children and when you have total control over their devices. It didn't work for my kids because they were far too tech savvy and could find a way to connect with any kind of device and could get through any firewall security we put in place. Unfortunately, children grow into adults - and social media is everywhere. If your child has a n...

Masking in terms of autism and Asperger's syndrome is a way of hiding your true self from others as a means of fitting in and avoiding harm. It can best be summed up as "pretending to be normal". In this post, I want to talk about some of the ways that we mask, why it is necessary sometimes and why ultimately you need to minimize masking in your life. How do we mask? It's often said that people with Asperger's syndrome are great actors because they spend so much of their lives pretending to be someone that they are not.  Masking is a very normal activity and everyone masks in some form or other. The teen who loves classical music but listens to rock in front of their school friends is masking their musical taste. The guy who eats all his vegetables at his girlfriends place but never at home is masking for her parents, so that they will like him more. We mask whenever we put on clothing that is not us, wear makeup that we don't like or put effort into making ou...

Catchy title aside, I'm not about to suggest that you need to kick all your autistic kids out of home. I want to cover one specific recent instance for us and I want to look at the reasons why we believed that it would work while others thought it might fail. Why we did it anyway and why we feel it is succeeding. Image by Jose Antonio Alba from Pixabay Kids who Stall We have a lot of friends and relatives who have kids on and off the spectrum who have "stalled". By stalling, I mean that they've become; Permanently at home Often Unemployed Caught in unproductive routines (TV, Gaming, Extra Sleeping, Overuse of Routine) Often stalling is linked to other obsessions, such as computer gaming but it also appears in non-gamers and active kids. People can get into a stall pattern simply by filling their entire lives up with chores and leaving no room for themselves to forge ahead.  There are a lot of reasons why stalling has become common in the last couple of generations in...