This is part two of a two part series intended to help autistic adults travelling and sightseeing. Part one deals with Logistics and Risk Management. I also wrote a post on travelling with autistic children.
Travel is essential for relaxation and exploration but more importantly, as the phrase goes, it broadens the mind. Travel gets us away from our day-to-day routines and out of "ruts". It forms a cornerstone to understanding the world as others see it.
While there are various types of travel ranging from day-trips to globetrotting, this series focuses on longer getaways and particularly on visiting new and interesting places. As explained in my previous post, I have a strong preference for group travel with tour companies so a lot of what is presented in this post will be particularly relevant to that.
The Daily Plan
Whether you are travelling alone, with a partner or with a large group, you still need to have your own individualized daily plan. Many autistics struggle with executive functioning, following an undocumented (in-their-heads) plan and many others simply benefit from good planning and change management. Whichever group you fall into, a daily plan can become your anchor in the chaos.
Your daily plan can be on paper. For some of my early trips, I bought old diaries and ignored the dates. This made for a handy pocket-sized book that I could keep on me at all times. The diary proved to be so useful that my parents took it with them on their trip, and my friends used to refer to it as "the grail diary" (after Indiana Jones).
At the time, I had close to 24 days traveling, so each location was allocated a dedicated half-month slot in the diary. This meant that I could add details for one place "per day slot" and that I could paste in copies of maps as needed. It worked out really well but of course, in today's world, documents saved locally on your phone (with a copy in the cloud) can do just as well.
Regardless of the method you use, the daily plan is critical and if you're travelling between cities, you should put your preferred sites at the top of the list for each day so that you can knock over your "must do" items first.
If you're travelling with a group, remember that boats and buses have critical departure times so you really need to be in the vicinity (sight) of them about an hour before they leave. This ensures that transport issues will not affect you. A good piece of advice is to leave most of the things that are close to your pickup point until last while still taking into account closure times and queue times. That way, you can still spend your last hour productively without risking missing your transport.
Group Dynamics
Depending on where you grew up and how you live, your travel group might be the first time that you have spent a lot of time in the company of really diverse people. They will almost always start out friendly and open but that doesn't mean that you should trust them entirely or let your guard down. Some people may be initially tolerant but might become judgmental or "cranky" after a few days together. Be careful not to drop your mask too soon and avoid oversharing until you know which people are the right people.
For the first few days of your trip, it's recommended that you be polite and observe what is going on around you. You will find that the group will probably split into a few smaller sub-groups with different focuses and values. As it splits, you will find it easier to find the people who will accept you for who you are.
You will also have to be mindful of how your behavior and activities affect the group. For example, if you are late back to the transport regularly, you may develop a reputation and people may act resentful towards you. If you complain about too many things, even sensory issues, you may be considered a "whiner" and if you do things that interfere with the comfort of others, such as not using deodorant or listening to music without your headphones on, this may create friction. I'll cover some ways that you can self regulate and find alone-time in later sections.
Change resistance is something that you'll have to monitor yourself closely for. When you're on holiday, it's very difficult to settle into a routine as every day is different. On top of that, there will be a lot of unexpected changes. For example, in some parts of the world, familiar comforts like tea or coffee may be harder to find, or the ingredients you are used to will not be used. On tour buses, it is common for the tour operators to rotate people around the bus from one seat to another. This ensures that everyone gets a chance to ride on the left and right sides, at the front and at the back. It can cause change issues for everyone however as some people leave their seats messy and sometimes you may be moved into a seat where not everything (for example air conditioning or USB power) is working. You just have to remember that this is for one day only.
No matter how well you plan things, there are always unexpected changes and things that will go wrong. In 1994, I visited Austria and the only place I wanted to go was a specific museum. Unfortunately we arrived there on a public holiday and everything was closed. I was excited to be going back in 2017 and I double-checked that there were no public holidays nearby. What I didn't count on was that the museum would be closed for a special exhibit that day. That second visit could have been really frustrating for me but since my "calming" technique is walking, I used my "museum time" to walk the length and breadth of the city and got some amazing photos. It wasn't what I came for but once I managed to find my calm center, I still managed to get something great out of it.
The key when faced with plan failures is to find your calm and redirect your energy elsewhere. If your failure results in missed connections, then it's critical that you find your calm and talk to someone sooner rather than later. One time we missed our 10am train from Paris to Calais and had to get the next one. We were supposed to catch a train from Dover and pick up a car in some other location but we didn't arrive in Dover until midnight (this was before the tunnel). All the hotels were closed and my fiancée and I thought we'd have to wander the streets until daylight but as we walked past a locked youth hostel, someone came outside to have a smoke and we were able to get a bed for the night.
The hardest problems will often solve themselves, if you can only approach them calmly.
Self-Regulation
When you travel, everything is in constant flux. You're living out of your suitcase and some things, like washing can become extremely difficult. As mentioned earlier, if change resistance is a problem for you, then it will be heightened by travel. There are a lot of other sensory issues that are triggered by travel, particularly group travel.
If you're travelling on a bus, you may find that lack of temperature control is a big issue or that noise is. If you're on a boat, you might find that balance issues, or the salt air or the sunlight or smoke affects you.
It's vitally important that you attempt to control your environment as best you can by yourself before involving others. For example, wearing noise cancelling headphones and dark sunglasses can help to control some issues like noise and light - but you'll need to have packed these before the trip as there might not be many opportunities to but things once the trip begins. Temperature can be best controlled by wearing layered clothing so that you can easily cool off or warm up without having to do a complete change of outfit.
The main reason why you need to attempt to control things by yourself first is to avoid raising conflicts within the group. A good group will definitely consider a reasonable request but sometimes a general request, like "less noise" or a request that affects everyone, such as temperature change, may provoke disagreement amongst your fellow travelers.
Of course, if you find that you really can't control the sensory issues, be sure to approach your tour operator first rather than addressing members of the group directly. This avoids inter-personal conflicts and will often result in a better outcome.
Food is also a big concern on group trips. Depending where you travel, you may find it difficult to get food that meets your requirements or that doesn't trigger you in some way. It's okay to skip meals and buy your own snacks at the local supermarket. Most travel options will allow you to take snack food with you but if in doubt, talk to the tour operator.
Finding Sanctuary
Autistic people, particularly those with sensory difficulties, have a limited amount of energy that they can expend before they need to take a social or sensory break. I've covered this previously under "Spoon Theory".
No matter how much effort you put into trying to fit in and trying to reduce the sensory overload, there are bound to be times when it all gets too much for you. It's very important that you avoid having a meltdown or a shutdown while you are on tour. Tour operators generally will not know how to handle these and you could also end up losing your new friends. Additionally, in some countries a meltdown may be misinterpreted and may result in interventions from local security.
To avoid these, you need to give your mind and body time to relax. This usually means that you need to find a way to get some alone-time in and that you need to unmask. Your needs will differ depending upon who you are and how stressful the vacation is. It may be as little as 30 minutes per day but you definitely need to schedule some in to allow yourself to recharge.
I wasn't always sporty but these days my best alone time comes from exercising, whether it be walking, running or swimming. I've also found that people are least active in the early hours of the morning, so I'm typically up at 4 or 5am. This is something that I do at home and it works equally well on vacation.
When I'm on a cruise, I will put my noise cancelling headphones in and either go to the ships gym (if it is raining) or do laps around the deck (many boats have a running track on deck). In those early morning hours, there are very few people doing the same thing and there's no communication, so it's easy to de-stress. If I'm doing a normal foot, bus or car holiday, I will usually leave the hotel in the early hours of the morning and go for a walk or run, making sure that I leave enough time to get back. If it's raining, I will use the hotel's gym or pool. People often ask me why so many of my holiday snaps are of famous landmarks with nobody around them -- it's because it's five am.
Do whatever works for you but make sure that you do something that helps you to de-stress.
If at any time, you feel that a situation is getting the better of you, immediately switch to a form of alone-time. This might mean going back to your cabin or hotel room or simply finding a quiet corner in a park to stim and calm down. Things will go wrong and that's okay. Just don't miss your transport and don't be afraid to ask for help and directions.
Communication and Conflict Repair
Most people will get into an argument or two on a holiday. It's normal. Sometimes it's to do with reading maps or having different ideas about which attraction to visit. Sometimes it's over simple things like the choices of food, spending, misunderstandings or general irritability with each other.
While travel is a great stress reliever, sometimes the sensory challenges and the constant change in travel can create irritability and cause even the calmest person to snap. In most cases, these arguments are temporary and friendships can easily be resumed.
That's not always the case however, sometimes a complaint or a meltdown can lose a friend. When that happens, you will need to cut your losses and move on.
When you're functioning in a group, there's always a chance that one person may "have it in for you" or might simply just enjoy starting arguments. If you identify a person like that, you can either join another sub-group within the group or only interact when they are not present. Sometimes, however, people seem abrasive or as though they "have it in for you," when in reality, the behavior isn't directed at you at all.
When you're operating in a group, you should be ready with some phrases designed to defuse situations. For example saying, "I apologize, my tone was sharp because I was feeling overwhelmed by the noise in here", or "Sorry, that wasn't about you".
The sooner you attempt to repair social damage after it happens, the easier it will be to move on without it impacting you. Most importantly, if you're not a person that normally says "sorry", it's a good idea to try to become one.
If someone says something that feels triggering, inflammatory or overwhelming, you should withdraw from the group as quickly as possible and go somewhere, such as your cabin, where they are unlikely to follow. If you have a trusted companion travelling with you, you might need to arrange a signal that quietly tells them that you need to withdraw and they can make apologies for you - and perhaps explain to the other members of the group why certain topics should be avoided.
Conclusion
No trip will be entirely perfect but with the the self-regulation tools in this post, you should be able to bend those imperfections back into something that works for you and manage the social and sensory challenges of exploring the world.
Travel is incredibly valuable and nobody should be saying "I'm autistic therefore I can't travel", you can and you should. The world is waiting for you to explore it. So go book some travel for yourself!
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