Life with Aspergers

I love Christmas. I love all the flashing lights, the familiar Christmas carols and the decorations. I didn't really enjoy visiting relatives when I was little but now I really love the opportunity to catch up with people I haven't seen for a long time. Unfortunately, my view isn't the most common view among people with Asperger's syndrome and many people find Christmas to be a special kind of torture.  In this post, I'll be addressing some of the ways that you can prepare for common sensory issues which affect adults and children during Christmas and similar festivities.  Establishing Safety Establishing safety wherever you go is probably the most important advice I can give anyone with sensory issues. Sometimes pushing the boundaries on your sensory issues can backfire and particularly in children, can lead them to run straight into dangerous areas.  Giving them safe places to go and safe people to go to will greatly alleviate the strain.  Choose a Safe Ar...

When I was younger, I didn't really "make friends". They made me. Come to think of it. Nothing has really changed. It's not that I'm an unfriendly person, it's just that I can never figure out the boundaries between friends and acquaintances. To me, people are just people and I generally respond to them how they respond to me.  I don't think that I'd have any friends, only acquaintances, if people didn't persist in making friends with me - and  I'm very grateful for their friendship and support. Bonding over Star Wars When I was in primary school, I had a birthday party. My parents invited a small group of children and I remember having difficulty knowing who to invite. The list started off with the one friend that I actually had, plus any kids who had invited me to their parties at some point (bad luck if you didn't have a party).  From there, I think the group would have been all girls if my parents hadn't insisted otherwise. I ...

It seems strange to say it but I’d never heard of Katy Perry until she hit the headlines for dressing “inappropriately” on Sesame Street back in 2010. Even then it was at least a couple of years before I listened to her music properly.  Apart from her music, which I now love, I’ve also got another reason to really like her as an artist. She’s always defending those who are different and in 2012, she did an awesome duet of Firework (an amazing and empowering song in its own right) with Jodi DiPiazza a young girl with autism. I tried to find this on youtube again but sadly the full version isn’t available now.  Rest assured, it was incredibly moving. Lyrics with Meaning One of the great things about Katy’s songs is that a lot of them, though obviously not all, have deep meanings. I was listening to the song, “it takes two” recently and I was thinking about the message within it and how it applies a lot of common sense to couples in relationships. I was also thinking th...

In movies and television shows, characters with Asperger’s syndrome are often portrayed as feeling very little emotionally or physically. It’s also quite common people to suggest that a character who shows little emotion or sensitivity to have “Asperger’s-like” traits.  In Star Trek, there are characters like Spock, Data, Seven Of Nine and the Doctor who, while not "Asperger's" as such are often referred to as "Asperger-like" in their behaviour.   In the big bang theory, Sheldon has the most “Asperger’s-like” qualities and of  course, there’s Doc Martin. While for the most part, these characters aren't immune to physical pain, they're shown to have increased levels of tolerance -- and when it comes to mental pain, they're often depicted as "unaffected". There’s clearly a perception out there that people with Asperger’s often feel “no pain” or “reduced pain” but how accurate is this? Nobody feels “No Pain” To be clear, nobody f...

Kids with Asperger's work best with rules and lists to follow. This applies in more or less every aspect of their lives. It's major part of their development and as a parent, it's up to you to help your kids to learn how to make rules and lists for themselves.  I've spoken about lists before, particularly in an article over at Special-Ism  and of course, I've talked about rules here on LWA before. Today I want to talk about more general rules that you can use to help your kids get more out of life.  Life Rules To be effective, life rules need to be general. For example, "Always look both ways before you cross the street" is a great life rule, while "Remember to look both ways before you cross from the bus to school" is not. It's too specific. Life rules also need to be concise because even with repeated drilling, your kids aren't going to remember long and convoluted rules. Finally, life rules need to be self-explanatory --...

A few weeks ago, my boys and I visited a Star Wars exhibition in the millennium dome, London. It was called Star Wars Identities and it was very interactive and thought provoking -- and it made me think about Aspergers Syndrome.  Essentially the exhibit followed the similar but wildly divergent paths taken by the characters of Luke and Anakin Skywalker while giving us "nerds" a chance to look at memorabilia.  There were a bunch of stations, about a dozen in all, where clips from the films were used to explain internal and external influences and participants were asked to make their own choices by voting with some special wristwear.  The result was that at the end of the exhibition, you would have created your own unique “Star Wars Identity”. It was all very educational. As usual in these situations, my mind turned to thoughts on Asperger’s and how it related to what we were being shown. Asperger’s is only a small part of your “self”. One of the key poin...

Meet ME Where I'm At  by Cindy Best and Joyce Shor Johnson Published by Future Horizons Meet me where I'm at is a very unusual book. It's half picture book and half workbook and I don't mean, the first few pages are one and the rest are the other.  This book seamlessly blends both at the same time. The general idea of this book is to get children with special needs to let others around them know exactly "where they are at". Instead of expecting children with special needs to stretch to meet their parents, teachers and friends on levels where they can't function well, this book aims to encourage them to advocate for themselves and ask others to meet them at their own level. It's a very interesting concept which I've seen in adult work before. This is the first time I've seen this agenda come though in a book aimed at kids - and it's a very welcome move. The main pages in "Meet Me Where I'm At" follow a stand...

In My World Written by Jillian Ma Illustrated by Mimi Chao Published by Future Horizons, 2017 In my world is children's picture book that carries a very touching message for adult readers. Each page contains only a single sentence and a beautiful illustration and it's easy reading for the early readers. The words are simple and they rhyme, which makes this a perfect storybook.  The general format of the book is that there's a little boy who keeps saying "In my world, I can ...." and following this up with claims which at first seem a little outrageous, particularly if you take the fantasy elements (dinosaurs and dragons) of the illustrations into account. The text however is well grounded so that even when the picture shows the boy with his friend riding a dinosaur, the text simply says that he can "adventure with his friend".  It's all very achievable and clever stuff. ...or is it? Most of us take these things for granted, playin...

People with Asperger’s syndrome need “alone-time".  It's critical to their continued functioning.  Without a chance to calm down people with Asperger’s suffer from sensory overload which can make them very irritable and prone to meltdowns.  "Alone-time" helps them to recover, particularly if they have been engaged in a lot of social activity. You could be forgiven for thinking that alone time means time spent in a room by yourself with no distractions. This is certainly a great way to achieve it however alone time can be obtained in a variety of other ways not all of which are silent. This is particularly important if the person with Aspergers is at school or work and cannot easily find a room to themselves. Removing Stimuli Since one of the main reasons alone time is to reduce stimuli, the best ways to get the same effect depend upon removing one or more stimuli from your senses. For example, wearing darker glasses or a hoodie will reduce the amount of...

One of the more interesting realisations I've reached in the last couple of years is that negative emotions, such as depression are actually transferable feelings. If you spend a lot of time with very depressed people, watch a lot of depressing news stories, or read a lot of depressing attention-seeking posts on Facebook, you'll eventually start feeling depressed yourself. It's subtle because the spread of negativity occurs slowly over time but it's there and the changes in you can be detected by neutral people around you -- especially if they’ve not had a lot of recent contact. Unfortunately for you, being on the “inside” means that you’re probably going to be the last person to realise. This is really important for us, as carers and parents of children with differences and/or as people with differences ourselves. It's a great thing to be empathetic but we have to remember to protect ourselves too. You’re not going to be as much use to those under your car...

Aspertools: The Practical Guide for Understanding and Embracing Asperger’s, Autism Spectrum Disorders and Ñeurodiversity by Harold Reitman M.D. with Pati Fizzano and Rebecca Reitman 2017 Souvenir Press Ltd  Aspertools is an unusual book, coming out, proudly displaying references to Asperger’s Syndrome in a post-DSM V world.  That's right; Asperger’s is no longer recognised in its own right but is folded into the general autism spectrum. Aspertools takes a very different approach.  It's not necessarily a book directed at people with Asperger’s or even those on the general autism spectrum. This is a book that aims at the neurodiverse; the people who different somehow.  Those whose differences have neurological reasons. It's a great premise and Harold makes it clear from the outset that not all chapters will apply to all people. Just read the book and use what you learn from the chapters that do while ignoring those that don't. As his daughter,  Rebecca...

Joel Suzuki Volume 3: Legend of the Loudstone  by Brian Tashima In recent years, it has become more common to add characters with autism to mainstream stories. It's partially about inclusion but it's also the fact that people on the spectrum tend to make more interesting characters. The Spectraland saga is a young adult series that has been based, from the very beginning, around two characters; Joel and Felicity both of whom are on the autism spectrum. Spectraland is about two young adults from Earth who find themselves in a fantasy world where their music translates to magic. You can read my reviews of books one and two here. If you haven't read the first two books, in the series, you really need to read them first. The third book in the series moves away from Spectraland to an adjoining region, the "mono realm" where conformity is a way of life and a rebellion is brewing. It's interesting to note that while the first two books in the series fe...

Not all people with Asperger's syndrome are introverted, in fact there are many flamboyant and loud people with Asperger's (and that category deserves a post of its own). I'd venture to say though, that most of the people I've met with Asperger's have tended to be the shy, quiet type. Of course, that might just be me as being shy and quiet myself.  After all, I'm far more likely to be open in discussions with introverted individuals.  There's nothing wrong with Introversion  In western society, it often feels as if introversion is a problem that needs to be “cured” but it's not. Introverts, particularly those with Asperger's, are often perfectly capable of “acting” extroverted when a situation calls for it. It's important to remember though that it's just an act and it takes a lot of effort to maintain. We often find ourselves feeling more stressed and grumpier after having had to act that way for a while. Being introverted or e...