I've travelled a bit with my kids recently and each time it seems to be the same things which create the biggest problems. The flight itself is usually quite good, especially nowadays as there are so many electronic distractions. My kids took their iPads with them last time and they kept busy for the entire 10 hour flight.
No, it's the other aspects of flying which present a challenge.
Airports are full of waiting areas. Flights always seem to do the unexpected, like get cancelled or delayed and then the waiting begins. Even before you get to the airport, there's a lot of waiting around in anticipation. It's not something that special needs kids are very good at, especially when their iPads are packed away preserving their batteries for the flight.
In my kids case, waiting means a whole lot of pushing and shoving and fighting. We have to keep them separated with at least one parent sitting in between them. It's especially during waiting in public areas that inappropriate language or gestures make their appearance. I have a T-shirt which says "who are these kids and why are they calling me dad?" Sometimes, in waiting areas, I wish I was wearing that shirt. If nothing else, one of my regular airport waiting positions is the "facepalm" position with one finger in my good ear.
Ignoring the situation isn't the best response but regardless of how many other delaying tactics you use, eventually, you'll find yourself there too. It's just a matter of time.
If the waiting areas are a place where you just ignore the kids and hope that they don't cause too much mischief, then security areas are exactly the opposite. You need to talk to your kids before you get into these areas and then once you get in, you need to watch your kids like a hawk. In security, little problems can escalate very quickly and you can find yourself in some very difficult situations. Here are some of the issues I've experienced with my kids in security;
On one trip, the kids got to customs and pulled their new digital cameras out of their bags and started photographing everything, totally oblivious to the signs around them expressly forbidding photography. I wasn't aware of what they were doing until they snapped a close shot of the customs official as he was talking to me. He was very unhappy and I had to hand over both the boys cameras to get the photos deleted.
Once, I forgot to warn my youngest that his bear would be a problem. He looks a bit too old for a bear, so security obviously thought nothing of simply snatching it off him. It was only quick intervention on my part to drag him over to the TV screen so he could watch his bear have an x-ray that prevented a meltdown.
Just recently, I went through the metal detector without remembering my phone in my pocket. The security guys told everyone to stop but my eldest continued on through oblivious. I had to grab him and bodily push him back before the airport security team moved in.
Then there's talking. You know how your kids come out with the worst things when you're in the company of other adults. Well, it's the same with airport security. We don't watch a lot of movies about planes at home but when we do, the planes often blow up (Die Hard 2 and other family fun movies). Of course, for a kid with asperger's syndrome, that means that the airport is the ideal place to quote those movies or talk about plot details... or bombs. Every time my eldest started talking at security, I had to tell him to shut up.
I probably looked like the worst parent ever but since you never know what is going to come out of his mouth, it's better to be safer than sorry.
Compared to the airport, flights are easy. There's often a bit of nervousness at take-off though and I'm reminded of those movies where the other passenger skilfully distracts the anxious one during take-off. This is a skill you need to learn. In my kids case, it's probably the only time I've ever shown an interest in mine craft. Those safety videos don't do much to inspire confidence either.
Planes are full of really cool gadgets and it's very difficult to prevent your child from playing with them all during take off. Of course, most of these gadget have to be in a special position during take-off so it's worth reminding the kids before the flight gets under way. Even then, you'll still have to watch them carefully. Have some chewable sweets available during take off and landing. This helps kids to equalise the pressure in their ears - and takes their mind off what is really going on.
Airline food is fun too. Be prepared to eat the yucky parts of your child's meal in exchange for your roll or dessert. Airline foods are sometimes spicy and nearly always contain a range of textures which seem to be "designed" to make special needs kids feel uncomfortable. You may also need to be on hand to open the foods for your child - or else you and the other passengers may end up wearing it.
Finally, there's the toilet. You'll have to talk to your kids about the toilet before they need to go because otherwise there's a chance that they'll freak out when it flushes. If you have boys, try to encourage them to sit and pee otherwise it will look like a stormtrooper has been in there. (Hint: Remember the stormtroopers in Star Wars who only had to shoot four fugitives in a straight corridor and they still missed every time).
Plane toilets are too small for you to go in to help but try to be next in line to do any cleaning up if necessary and if your child is too scared to flush, tell them that it is ok, provided that you're next in line.
Apart from all of this, flying with special needs kids can be a great experience . The key is simply to anticipate trouble before it happens.