What is a Meltdown?
A meltdown is a condition where the Aspie temporarily loses control due to emotional responses to environmental factors.
It generally appears that the aspie has lost control over a single and specific issue however this is very rarely the case. Usually, the problem is the cumulation of a number of irritations which could span a fairly long period of time, particularly given the strong long-term memory facilities of the aspie.
Why the Problems Seem Hidden
Aspies don't tend to give a lot of clues that they are very irritated;
What happens during a Meltdown
The meltdown appears to most people as a tantrum or dummy spit. There are marked differences between adults and children.
Children tend to flop onto the ground and shout, scream or cry. Quite often, they will display violent behaviour such as hitting or kicking.
In adults, due to social pressures, violent behaviour in public is less common. Shouting outbursts or emotional displays however can occur. More often though, it leads to depression and the aspie simply retreats into themselves and abandons social contact.
Some aspies describe the meltdown as a red or grey band across the eyes. I've certainly experienced this. There is a loss of control and a feeling of being a powerless observer outside the body. This can be dangerous as the aspie may strike out, particularly if the instigator is nearby or if they are taunted during a meltdown.
Depression
Sometimes, depression is the only outward visible sign of a meltdown. At other times, depression results when the aspie leaves their meltdown state and confronts the results of the meltdown. The depression is a result of guilt over abusive, shouting or violent behaviour. I will cover depression in a different post.
Dealing with Meltdowns in Children
There's not a great deal of that you can do when a meltdown occurs in a very young child. Probably the very best thing that you can do at their youngest ages is to train yourself to recognize a meltdown before it happens and take steps to avoid it.
Example: Aspies are quite possessive about their food and my youngest will sometimes decide that he does not want his meat to be cut up for him. When this happens, taking his plate from him and cutting his meat could cause a tantrum. The best way to deal with this is to avoid touching it for the first part of the meal until he starts to want your involvement. When this occurs, instead of taking his plate from him, it is more effective to lean over and help him to cut the first piece. Once he has cut the first piece with help, he will often allow the remaining pieces to be cut for him though I would still recommend that his plate not be moved.
Once the child reaches an age where they can understand, probably around seven years give or take a few. You can work on explaining the situation. One way you could do this would be to discreetly videotape a meltdown and allow them to watch it at a later date. You could then discuss the incident, explain why it isn't socially acceptable and give them some alternatives.
When I was little, I remember that the single best motivation for keeping control was once, when my mother called me in after play and talked about the day. In particular, she highlighted an incident where I had fallen over and hurt myself. She said, "did you see how your friend started to go home as soon as you fell over because they were scared that you were going to have a tantrum". She went on to say, "When you got up and laughed, they were so happy that they came racing back. I'm proud of you for not losing your temper".
I carried this with me for years later and would always strive to contain myself. I wouldn't always succeed but at least I was trying.
Meltdowns and Punishment
One of the most important things to realize is that Meltdowns are part of the Aspergers condition. They can't avoid them, merely try to reduce the damage. Punishing an aspie for a meltdown is like punishing someone for swearing when they hit their thumb with a hammer. It won't do any good whatsoever and can only serve to increase the distance between you and your child.
In addition, meltdowns aren't wholly caused by the current scenario but are usually the result of an overwhelming number of other issues. The one which "causes" the meltdown is the "straw that breaks the camels back". Unless you're a mind reader, you won't necessarily know what the other factors are and your aspie child may not be able to fully communicate the problem.
Meltdowns are part and parcel of Aspergers - they are NOT the result of poor parenting.
In my next meltdown post, I'll try to cover coping in adults.
A meltdown is a condition where the Aspie temporarily loses control due to emotional responses to environmental factors.
It generally appears that the aspie has lost control over a single and specific issue however this is very rarely the case. Usually, the problem is the cumulation of a number of irritations which could span a fairly long period of time, particularly given the strong long-term memory facilities of the aspie.
Why the Problems Seem Hidden
Aspies don't tend to give a lot of clues that they are very irritated;
- their facial expressions very often will not convey the irritation
- their vocal tones will often remain flat even when they are fairly annoyed.
- Some things which annoy aspies would not be considered annoying to neurotypicals. This makes NT's less likely to pick up on a potential problem.
- Often Aspie grievances are aired as part of their normal conversation and may even be interpreted by NTs as part of their standard whinge.
What happens during a Meltdown
The meltdown appears to most people as a tantrum or dummy spit. There are marked differences between adults and children.
Children tend to flop onto the ground and shout, scream or cry. Quite often, they will display violent behaviour such as hitting or kicking.
In adults, due to social pressures, violent behaviour in public is less common. Shouting outbursts or emotional displays however can occur. More often though, it leads to depression and the aspie simply retreats into themselves and abandons social contact.
Some aspies describe the meltdown as a red or grey band across the eyes. I've certainly experienced this. There is a loss of control and a feeling of being a powerless observer outside the body. This can be dangerous as the aspie may strike out, particularly if the instigator is nearby or if they are taunted during a meltdown.
Depression
Sometimes, depression is the only outward visible sign of a meltdown. At other times, depression results when the aspie leaves their meltdown state and confronts the results of the meltdown. The depression is a result of guilt over abusive, shouting or violent behaviour. I will cover depression in a different post.
Dealing with Meltdowns in Children
There's not a great deal of that you can do when a meltdown occurs in a very young child. Probably the very best thing that you can do at their youngest ages is to train yourself to recognize a meltdown before it happens and take steps to avoid it.
Example: Aspies are quite possessive about their food and my youngest will sometimes decide that he does not want his meat to be cut up for him. When this happens, taking his plate from him and cutting his meat could cause a tantrum. The best way to deal with this is to avoid touching it for the first part of the meal until he starts to want your involvement. When this occurs, instead of taking his plate from him, it is more effective to lean over and help him to cut the first piece. Once he has cut the first piece with help, he will often allow the remaining pieces to be cut for him though I would still recommend that his plate not be moved.
Once the child reaches an age where they can understand, probably around seven years give or take a few. You can work on explaining the situation. One way you could do this would be to discreetly videotape a meltdown and allow them to watch it at a later date. You could then discuss the incident, explain why it isn't socially acceptable and give them some alternatives.
When I was little, I remember that the single best motivation for keeping control was once, when my mother called me in after play and talked about the day. In particular, she highlighted an incident where I had fallen over and hurt myself. She said, "did you see how your friend started to go home as soon as you fell over because they were scared that you were going to have a tantrum". She went on to say, "When you got up and laughed, they were so happy that they came racing back. I'm proud of you for not losing your temper".
I carried this with me for years later and would always strive to contain myself. I wouldn't always succeed but at least I was trying.
Meltdowns and Punishment
One of the most important things to realize is that Meltdowns are part of the Aspergers condition. They can't avoid them, merely try to reduce the damage. Punishing an aspie for a meltdown is like punishing someone for swearing when they hit their thumb with a hammer. It won't do any good whatsoever and can only serve to increase the distance between you and your child.
In addition, meltdowns aren't wholly caused by the current scenario but are usually the result of an overwhelming number of other issues. The one which "causes" the meltdown is the "straw that breaks the camels back". Unless you're a mind reader, you won't necessarily know what the other factors are and your aspie child may not be able to fully communicate the problem.
Meltdowns are part and parcel of Aspergers - they are NOT the result of poor parenting.
In my next meltdown post, I'll try to cover coping in adults.
Comments
fluppy
Very best wishes, JC
In my early years, the meltdown was full blown rage. During teenage years, it was more verbal abuse directed at any target. There was also stage 2 (I'm a natural body builder of 110kg). The amygdala takes over and sends my body into the fight or flight response. Logic is kicked out the door and pure rage envelops. All muscles are filled with blood and my senses heightened. Even in the "powerup stage" I've had people back out of the room. These days it takes alot to get me to "powerup" I have trained my brain to over-ride the amygdala thereby blocking emotion. It's not healthy but its alot safer than having a 110kg meathead in a rage.
Lately I have taken the highroad, removed myself from the situation, internalised and moved on. I am in the proactive state and less reactive.
As for looks, ignoring "powerup". My eyes go really cold, the brow lowers slightly. I look out from under it. There is a quiet monotone voice emanating in a metronomic cadence. My body emanates total calm but the eyes radiate true intention. A most powerful look. It's my dog snarl that you are cornering me and you don't want to play with this little kitty.
I don't know what to do for her, and I feel like a complete failure as a parent. She is always in trouble; hurting her little sister, using words she knows she is not allowed to use, and stealing from classmates.
She has this obession with toys to the point I no longer want to take her to Birthday parties and stores because we always have a melt down.
Does this get any easier, or will we always have these problems?
I know what it's like not wanting to take your children out in public and I'm aware of the problems it causes in other areas, such as relationships.
You shouldn't think of yourself as a bad parent. After all, you've already made six years with your daughter. It's very obvious that you're a good parent and that you're making the most of some difficult situations.
Luckily my kids don't meltdown over toys though my cousin's little boy does. He's a bit of a Shrek fan and once when visiting a McDonalds which had a Shrek poster, he refused to leave without a Shrek toy and had a massive meltdown.
He was stronger than my cousin, so she couldn't drag him out and had to find a way to appease him. Eventually, after discussions with the McDonalds manager, he was given the poster to avoid further bad publicity.
It does get better slowly as the child gains more control over themselves. You'll also begin to see triggers early and will know how to avoid them.
As far as parties are concerned, you might want to try drawing a little present box on your daughter's arm and telling her that if she stays in control, she will get one when she gets home.
Throughout the party, if she starts to get upset, pull her aside before she has time to wind up and show her the picture on her arm.
Doing this will help her exercise her own control (which is the ultimate goal). It won't work the first few times but she will improve.
Be nice to have known this 40 years ago.
And really nice last year. :-(
Oh well, do know it now.
And can use it from here on out.
Been nice to know this 40 years ago.
Would have helped with a big mess last year :-(
Oh well, do know it now.
Can use it from here on out.
Thanks for telling about it.
After a bit of recording, take the diary to a pediatrician. He'll be able to make some good recommenations.
On the subject of medications, just remember that every child is different and that not all medications work for all children. If Risperdal isn't working, you should ask about alternatives.
You may find that your son is pouring all his effort into being "good" at school and is exhausted by the time he gets home. Sometimes that's the reason why mothers cop all the bad stuff.
It does get better but only when you start to relax. At the moment, both you and your son will be tense. He can't relax by himself. You need to find ways to relieve the stress on him - then it will filter down to you.
Someone else suggested you document the meltdowns. If you do, look to see if common transitions are done the same way every time.
Try a picture schedule broken down into distinct steps. If something has to be changed, tell him ahead of time.
Buying things - this sounds like a good reinforcer to use with a small sticker chart he can carry. Since meltdowns are a huge problem right now, use the sticker chart just for that. You might have to reward for really small tasks without a meltdown but you can gradually expect more from him as the meltdowns subside.
Hope this helps.
Are there Aspergers Boys' camps...
I had a bad meltdown today. Over the last year i have gained friends, I have rarely had friends until this point in my life. I went out with the gang. Some of the boys in my group of friends see me as a target and sometimes play small jokes on me, but sometimes the jokes get to me.
Today i had a meltdown and punched a wall. Not only did i regret breaking my pinky, i also did it infront of my girlfriend and now she wont talk to me, she knew i had aspergers but she wont except the fact that i couldn't help it.
I need help, how do i control myself at such a late age? I'm 14 years old and im stuggling to deal with this, its making me stressed and more viable to short anger outburst.
My Dr has no experience with ASD/hfASD and the Mental health consultant (trained in personality disorders) she says I have a personality disorder and seems to refuse the concept of Aperger's for me, but left this week without calling anyone who could give her insight...she started the last meltdown or the duty worker? say there is NO HELP for me living in SUFFOLK and won't refer me to NORFOLK which does less than 4 miles from my home??
My meltdowns are usually simple tasks that go wrong or a plan that didn't work, I refuse help, get angry, frustrated then BLOW UP...instantly...with everything from childhood to now stuff that was/is emotional ... I cannot remember the moment or why it is happening and it scares everyone. 18 stone, blubbering, snarling, emotional wreck...not a pretty sight.
It causes issues with family events and am now finding myself being excluded, as I am an embarrassment, or cannot be trusted to behave...which frustrates me causing a vicious cycle of more meltdowns...the rumbling symptoms of a meltdown are never far away... general unwell feeling, feeling uncomfortable, unsafe, having an upset stomach, noises or lack of?
I always apologise when I am aware again, but it is often too late...the tears, excuses or closed minds. It's too much for and NT.
Thank you so much for this blog! I really appreciate it
Just this morning I wrote on my own blog what it feels like to experience a meltdown (I am working through a shutdown that happened after a meltdown right now).
Thank you so much for writing this and thank you for helping NTs understand that we can't help the meltdowns and it certainly isn't their fault (most of the time and if it is it's usually unintentional so that is OK).
Keep it up.
God bless you.
Stephanie Mayberry
The Christian Aspie
If so, I would think it would be difficult to face the next day.
Love all your comments! So great to have some 'inside' info :)
We have a real problem with our 8yo with Asperger's. His meltdowns are one every 7-10 days but he is violent towards me + abusive. This is affecting us all, especially when my 6yo NT daughter is terrified, "wants a new brother" etc. We are in touch with the paediatrician, autism consultant, psychologist but don't seem to be making any progress. He is on Strattera to help with his concentration in school (which is working) & slow release melatonin for sleep.
I identify his feelings when he is having one "I can see you are very frustrated/angry/stressed/upset". I am very scared that someone (ie me) is going to get seriously injured. I am at my wit's end.
Any insight, help you could offer would be greatfully accepted. Thanks for your help.
Lisa--Canberra, Australia
Before you do too much, you should confirm that the Strattera isn't affecting things.
Many of these drugs can cause the exact opposite of what is intended and sometimes this changes as children get older.
You could do this by having a period without Strattera or by trying alternative medications Concerta/Ritalin and Risperdal (note that his behaviour would need to be quite bad for you to consider Risperdal).
If you're sure that the problem hasn't gotten worse since Strattera, then you need to work on two things, Triggers and Reaction.
Reaction
In non-meltdown moment, you need to talk to your son about the problem and tell him what he needs to do. This will usually mean, that he moves to a meltdown zone (often his bedroom). If he can't move, then your family will need to move.
Get him to agree to do this.
When the next meltdown begins, try to catch it in the early stages and have him move to a safe area. Leave him alone and let the meltdown run its course.
Triggers
You need to start keeping a diary of his meltdowns. In particular, which events sparked them off. Meltdowns have short term triggers to long term problems.
For example, if he has a meltdown when his lego breaks, he might be actually melting down because he feels that everything breaks for him.
As you learn his triggers, you'll be able to learn more and more about the long-term problems and deal with them. You'll also be able to teach your son how to avoid problems in trigger situations and how to walk away from a situation before a meltdown occurs.
Its so embarrassing because I don't want to be seen as a freak. Also often when I just need to be by myself to calm down ppl come and ask me something silly and I snap at them to leave ma alone so they take it personally, I think, and stop even saying Hello to me. I dont really care as when I have a meltdown the last thing I care is being polite to someone.
The worst thing is I cant control it and when Im having a meltdown this lack of control annoys me further and its like a vicious circle.
September 9, 2011 5:52 AM
Yes it is a very vicious cycle! I feel the same way. My meltdowns are mostly crying episodes, and the inner critic is always there making it even worse! I'm a forty year old unemployed woman still living with parents and I really need my own space! I am terrified of getting an interview because I get stressed out too easily. Who would want to hire me when there are so many "stable" Nts looking for the same job? My past jobs were soul crushing.
Once the meltdown starts-my memory kicks in again, remembering other times in my left I had felt the specific meltdown feeling.
Therefore, it is like a cascade, memories keep rushing in, all doors to past memories are unlocked.
The rage I feel is so hard to control, it is *so* hard to get back to my calm outward self (my chosen mask for all to see).
That is all, thanks for reading
The symptoms vary from what could be considered an anxiety attack, characterized by heavy breathing, racing thoughts, a sense of being overwhelmed and a generalized stiffened state to what I would refer to as being catatonic. The catatonic state is what I consider to be the more severe of the two. In this state I often will not move for a period of time ranging from 20 minutes to several hours. In this state, I will ignore people, and focus my attention on some moving object such as a spinning fan or swaying tree or a glass of liquid that is turbulent due to sound waves passing through it. I will stare at these things for a long period of time and generally repeat a single word or phrase over and over again. I will generally only respond to a person I trust if anyone is to speak to me. When asked if I am okay, my canned response is "I don't know." This will usually be my only answer to any question in this state. If I do attempt to speak, the words will come out in incomplete thoughts as well as stuttering and irrattic pauses and incoherent rambling describing where I am and pointing out subtle irregularities in my surroundings. It takes quite a while to snap out of this state and it will usually take a person very close to me asking questions which will distract my mind from whatever it is that overwhelmed it.
Sometimes people will not know how to handle the situation and they will end up calling an ambulance or some other drastic measure. This is often not helpful but, at least, they are trying. The best way to handle someone going through this is to speak to them politely asking many questions about what they may be thinking about, what there favorite thing is to look at in the room, what they did so far that day, until they are finally able to speak coherrently and move around without difficulty.
I don't know about other individuals but I find it helpful to make lists of things. If someone is to ask me about my day I will list for them each and every detail about everything I have accomplished throughout the day. This is sort of a secret reset switch. It puts my mind back into a linear format rather than allowing all sources of information hit me simultaneously. If you happen to know the primary interests of the person in question ask them about what they recently learned about the subject. It may take a whole for them to respond in full sentences but eventually they will go on endlessly about the subject. It doesn't matter if you have no idea what they are talking about. All that really matters is that they are communicating.
After a while, the person will get up, most likely appologize for either worrying you or causing a seen and continue on as if nothing happened.
The symptoms vary from what could be considered an anxiety attack, characterized by heavy breathing, racing thoughts, a sense of being overwhelmed and a generalized stiffened state to what I would refer to as being catatonic. The catatonic state is what I consider to be the more severe of the two. In this state I often will not move for a period of time ranging from 20 minutes to several hours. In this state, I will ignore people, and focus my attention on some moving object such as a spinning fan or swaying tree or a glass of liquid that is turbulent due to sound waves passing through it. I will stare at these things for a long period of time and generally repeat a single word or phrase over and over again. I will generally only respond to a person I trust if anyone is to speak to me. When asked if I am okay, my canned response is "I don't know." This will usually be my only answer to any question in this state. If I do attempt to speak, the words will come out in incomplete thoughts as well as stuttering and irrattic pauses and incoherent rambling describing where I am and pointing out subtle irregularities in my surroundings. It takes quite a while to snap out of this state and it will usually take a person very close to me asking questions which will distract my mind from whatever it is that overwhelmed it.
Sometimes people will not know how to handle the situation and they will end up calling an ambulance or some other drastic measure. This is often not helpful but, at least, they are trying. The best way to handle someone going through this is to speak to them politely asking many questions about what they may be thinking about, what there favorite thing is to look at in the room, what they did so far that day, until they are finally able to speak coherrently and move around without difficulty.
I don't know about other individuals but I find it helpful to make lists of things. If someone is to ask me about my day I will list for them each and every detail about everything I have accomplished throughout the day. This is sort of a secret reset switch. It puts my mind back into a linear format rather than allowing all sources of information hit me simultaneously. If you happen to know the primary interests of the person in question ask them about what they recently learned about the subject. It may take a whole for them to respond in full sentences but eventually they will go on endlessly about the subject. It doesn't matter if you have no idea what they are talking about. All that really matters is that they are communicating.
After a while, the person will get up, most likely appologize for either worrying you or causing a seen and continue on as if nothing happened.
stopping when being told to do so builds self control. at least, it worked rather well for me.
My meltdowns almost always end in destruction of property and self-injury. Bruises and such mainly but I have broken bones before from punching doors.
Although the destruction of property mainly happens only in private places but my parents are usually around. In public it generally does not occur only verbal screaming or yelling. Most people who witness it are deathly afraid of me. Women in particular.
It is literally making relationships with a woman impossible. I went balistic on the last two woman I tried to get involved with and both have basically blacklisted me.
The depression around this gets so bad that I have considered suicide but never attempted it thankfully.
Anyways my parents basically say that this is not aspergers at all because they do not know any other aspergers that become this violent. I really wish there was help for me but it seems I am doomed to keep this behavior. It is entually going to lead to getting in trouble with the law.
This article gives me very little hope because apparently there is nothing I can do to not have meltdowns or get rid of them completely.
Recently, he had a meltdown (shouting at me) in the office and he scared quite a few employees in the office including me to a certain extent because he seemed to be so out of control with his anger. I had become used to him telling me what was on his mind without using the edit button. This used to hurt my feelings at first but then I decided that it was possibly a blessing that he was so honest with his comments. It has allowed me to do a lot of self reflection on the decisions I have made as a lot of employees usually edit what they say to the boss.
We work in a unionized environment, so I am not able to ask him specific questions about his AS nor is he required to reveal it to me. But we are now in a situation that if he "misbehaves" again that I may have to discipline him.
How can I reach out to him?
He is a very capable employee who is eager to be promoted but his social awkwardness makes a lot of employees nervous to interact with him and his recent meltdown has not helped matters.
He is very distrustful of management and he has exhibited a lot of aggression towards me, usually in the form of emails, wherein he will state that I am preventing him from being promoted and that management "hates" him and think that he is undesirable.
I am at a loss as to how help him and there are not a lot of resources dealing with AS in the workplace. We once had a good working relationship and I was one of the few employees in the office who would talk to him on a regular basis and would say more than just hello but now I have had to avoid interacting with him on a social basis as my interactions with him can make him anxious.
I leave it to him to interact with me for the most part and I have his supervisor touch base daily so that he does not feel isolated but I am not sure if I am doing the right thing.
This is my first experience with AS as far as I know and I really want to help him to thrive in the office but I don't want to get his hopes up that he will get a promotion. He has worked with us for over 10 years at the same level. (This is the cause of much of his angst - at least to me.)
I am afraid that if there is another competitive process for a job and he is unsuccessful that it will lead to more aggressive/abrasive behaviour and possible meltdowns.
I keep try to reinforce to him that he is a great employee but he feels that it is lip service and that he should be promoted.
Anyone have some advice?
A week later I referred once to the raging and asked if he remembered it or were ashamed? Oh no,he said, not ashamed, he stood by every word. Since then I have felt very constrained around him--if I am so loathsome, why does he stick around? I have tried to make his life calm and stable, to offer affection and support, and thought I was succeeding. If it isn't working why doesn't he leave? With a NT partner I could either discuss and negotiate our differences or the relationship would be over. With him I can't really discuss this without creating panic or anger.
Has anyone any advice as to how seriously I should take this? Is it the beginning of the end or is this something that aspies do, just one of the many things I have to adjust to as I gradually learn more about the condition? Should I just forget it as he seems to have done and move on?
It saddens me know that he did not feel he had any other options. But I respect his choice. Thank you for writing an article that described the rages, and my son so well.
I am waiting till after the holidays to talk to my daughter but I am very nervous as she is very protective over him and I don't know how she will take this. If anyone has any advise I
would appreciate it. Thank you
As an Aspie do you think I care about offending insensitive individuals such as yourself when your "understanding" is very limited and you don't care about offending us?
So whilst you may think this is the response you want it's obvious you're just a pathetic troll with no life and I'm writing this to educate and inform people who don't have their heads up their own arse like you do.
And my loved ones: they love me, they love someone who happens to have Aspergers; if you had someone who loved you despite you being a complete dick then maybe you'd understand.
I know that those who love me do so because of who I am.
It's not a choice, however what is a choice is how you're acting right now and it makes you look like a sad loner with no friends.
I pity you and hope you get the help you obviously need; heck maybe your acting out here from behind the safety of a computer screen is indicative of having Aspergers yourself, in which case you have no reason to feel shame about it; embrace it like we do.
If you had to stay friends with people no matter how they treated you, youn'd have much less time to spend with the people who *do* treat you well and who you're able to enjoy spending time with!
You say "And my loved ones: they love me, they love someone who happens to have Aspergers; if you had someone who loved you despite you being a complete dick then maybe you'd understand."
who do *you* love despite that person being a complete dick *to you*?
Meltdowns were an infrequent part of my life until recently (I'm now 68). Probably the result of a lifetime of pent-up frustrations. Triggers are either when I screw up and have to re-do something or when my wife mentions that something needs doing and then in the next breath when I begin to do it says "it doesn't have to be done NOW". Man does that get me. If it doesn't need to be done now, why did you ask now?? Or I am doing something and have to drop everything to hear some totally irrelevant and specious bit of "information", watch a cat video on youtube or something. Or have to repeat saying something because she is hard of hearing and refuses to wear the hearing aids she paid a fortune for.
When I am doing something, particularly technical it demands ALL my attention. Like driving which I describe as a fulltime job. I hate driving with other people in the car. Listening to music on the radio is fine but conversations require thnking on my part and I CANNOT give the road my full attention AND conduct a conversation. Never mind cellphones!
When I botch something in my garage work/hobby place I can be pretty hard on myself; I have lost some treble register hearing in my left ear (in addition to what I did while playing in loud bands years ago) as a result of giving myself a good hard smack or three around the ear. My meltdowns don't last long but I do need recovery time to get things back on track. Until I discovered your wonderful and helpful blog Gavin which has for the first time in my life made me understand who and what I really am I thought I was just going mad with age.