Just thought I'd post a link to an article on Aspie Employment which was posted on the Parenting Aspergers Blog today. It reinforces a lot of what I've been saying about the importance of the special interest.
In part one, we looked at the role that Change Resistance plays in causing aspies to suddenly go "cold" in otherwise good relationships. This time, I want to look at self esteem and depression; Self Esteem The aspie relationship with themselves is tedious at best. People with Asperger's commonly suffer from low self esteem. As discussed in earlier posts, this low self esteem often results from years of emotional turmoil resulting from their poor social skills. Aspies are often their own worst enemy. They can over analyze situations and responses in an effort to capture lost nonverbal communication. This often causes them to invent problems and to imagine replies. Everything made up by aspies will tend to be tainted with their own self image. This is one of reasons that people with Asperger's will sometimes decide that they are not good enough for their partner and that they must let them go. Sometimes, the aspie will develop a notion of chivalry or self-sacrific
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I'm currently undergoing treatment for clinical depression and the psychiatrist suggested I have autistic tendencies such as my inability to to "feel" for the last 15 years.
In the last couple years I found a hobby I am obsessed with and a man who makes my heart ache every time I think of him. I got injured and can't do my hobby anymore and the man is getting married to someone else. Now i'm flooded with grief.
I end up crying without realising it and I can't stop. I tried staying away from him and I had a physical breakdown, vomiting, stopped sleeping, crying and screaming 24/7.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to cope. I've never believed in love, what people label love isn't what I read in books. It isn't forever for other people. But I haven't thought about another man since the day I met him, he's my best friend, the most beautiful person i've ever seen and we met in the gym where I taught him my hobby, my sport.
I can't live without him, when he gets married, i'll die.
How can I go back to not feeling? How can I shut down again so it doesn't hurt anymore?
Asperger's is like a blessing and a curse all in one. For so long I wouldn't let myself feel, now it's overwhelming.
How can I love another?
Blessing and curse indeed.