Hot on the heels of my recent articles comes Dave Angel's take on the subject;
When should I tell my son about his diagnosis of Aspergers?
by Dave Angel
http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/when-should-i-tell-my-son-about-his-diagnosis-of-aspergers/
I get the feeling that Dave supports the idea of telling children in an age-appropriate manner. He also cautions against the self-image issues which can arise from allowing a child to think that they are "defective".
It's critical that if and when you do tell your child, that you make the experience a positive one.
When should I tell my son about his diagnosis of Aspergers?
by Dave Angel
http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/when-should-i-tell-my-son-about-his-diagnosis-of-aspergers/
I get the feeling that Dave supports the idea of telling children in an age-appropriate manner. He also cautions against the self-image issues which can arise from allowing a child to think that they are "defective".
It's critical that if and when you do tell your child, that you make the experience a positive one.
Comments
I hope you don't mind, but I springboarded this topic and linked to your blog in my blog: http://savedaspie.blogspot.com/2009/02/telling-your-child-about-hisher.html
I also don't think it was presented to me in the most positive light - I had to do research on it later on to learn of the good things about having Asperger's. All I heard was, "your visual perception is better than most people's, but you have a whole slew of shortcomings you need to make up for." Due to what I was going through, I was blind to the wonderful aspects of having Asperger's Syndrome that everybody must be aware of in themselves.
So, perhaps my experience has a little bias based on my personality and skewed perspective, but if you are a parent about to tell your child of their Asperger's, I would make sure it is during a time where they are as emotionally stable as possible - 8-10 years old may be a good time for this, before they are in middle school. It should be stressed as a neurological difference that makes them wonderful and unique, instead of a disability. I agree with the article - don't wait too late, puberty is a hard enough thing to deal with. Because I was told of my diagnosis at such a late age, I saw it as the thing that was holding me back socially, which is unhealthy. Unless they learn of their Asperger's at a later age, I don't want other kids to go through the same thing as I did.
It even permeates the scientific literature:
http://autismblog.easterseals.com/whats-wrong-with-you-how-people-with-autism-answered-this-question/
We started medication Tenex this last week, and it is taking the edge off his anxiety and he even says he likes the medication. It is helping with his impulse control, and he seems to focus and think now before he acts like a neurotypical kid (I'm like - "Is that my son?"). It didn't change his behaviors, it just is calming him and allowing him to focus more before he acts. We have many Asperger's people in my family, equal number girls to boys - some very social, but always going off topic in conversations that are usually one-sided, but they are still curious about others. We have social and anti-social Aspie's in our family. I am myself a "loner" but of course always wanted to be "popular", but I am married thanks to Match.com, with kids, but only one friend who is a "special interest in common" friend who lives on opposite coast. Asperger's people in my family sometimes just gave up on the social stuff and became loners after years of teasing, but will talk your ears off if give them a chance.
I think it's best to know as early as possible why you are different, and it's OK, and medications and therapies can help, and have saved others in my family that rely on Paxil - sister, Tenex - my son now, Risperdol - my father at nursing home, biofeedback, yoga and 3 hours at gym - brother, massive amounts of Potassium supplements - uncle, Ritalin - nephew, cognitive behavioral therapy - myself, etc. I had to learn eye contact, learn how to listen (could NOT learn in school with auditory lectures, only visual materials), learn how to not get teased, and now at 45 trying to learn how to make friends, and how to conduct 2 way conversations without being negative and boring. I think it's best to accept your deficits, and tackle them head-on like a project. I did, and still am positive about moving forward. There is still a low level of melancholy that I accept, as I do have to endure more challenges than others, but at least it's not bipolar disorder, as that is a very difficult comorbid condition.
Now I've come a long way, and have many skills today. I still can't keep a job more than 6 months due to always tending to do a few "unauthorized" things, and not communciating enough with boss, but I am still working on these skills and moving on. A support group is great. We have several groups where we live, and the school district has done tons of early intervention for my son - with amazing night and day results. Our last IEP added Occupational Therapy social skills group, using sensory integration therapy. There are things we love in life, and our special interests, so we are overall happy and enthusiastic to start each day. -- 45 year old mom of Aspie boy
The up side to our approach is that my 2 younger children are both "peer supporters" in their classrooms. They are both kind and patient with kids like their brother.
It don't matter when you're diagnosed, but you should know about it.
20-something-year-old son is a scientist with social anxiety to beat all social anxieties. What are the chances?
Seriously, it would have been great to have known as soon as I could make independent adult decisions and before I attempted suicide from all the anxiety.
It's a great gift. Don't hold back. Be sure to remind the child of his/her potential for creativity beyond the norm.