In my last post on taking things literally, I covered things that were mainly from a child's perspective but this time I want to cover a more adult view.
Wordplay and Jokes
There seems to be a widespread belief amongst doctors and related practitioners that asperger's people don't get jokes, don't understand metaphors, and don't read body-language. This is wrong, very wrong.
From what I can gather, based on my own experiences and on reading posts from a lot of other aspies, wordplay is fun and we definitely understand it. Also surprisingly, aspie children understand it too. My earlier post with my son talking about becoming a joey illustrates that.
I'm inclined to say that not only do aspies understand wordplay but that they may often be better at it than non-aspies. Due, at least in part, to their need/ability to consider multiple-meanings for phrases. I touched on this in my earlier post.
So, where's the problem then?
It seems that the problem is based mainly around the time taken to interpret a conversation.
In terms of jokes, the problem can be in the time taken to "switch modes" from serious to humorous interpretation. Note that aspergers people often have no problems watching comedy television because they're expecting a comic slant on words and phrases.
The Delay in Action
Conversations aren't designed for pauses. You're not given much time to consider the meaning of something you here. I know that often I feel pressured to respond to a comment made by someone in a "timely fashion". All too frequently, a few seconds later, I'll become aware of something that changes the entire meaning of what was just said.
It may be that the tone suggested something else, or that there was a dual-meaning word or that the person was using some sort of mannerism or gesture. Whatever the source, the new information completely changes the context of the person's statement and I feel like an idiot.
[An Aside: There's some research (apparently) which suggests that Aspergers people gather data first, then interpret - compared to non-aspergers who do both simultaneously. I haven't seen that research yet, but will keep a lookout for it]
Writing versus Talking
Talking face-to-face or via telephone presents the aspie with two problems. First of all, it makes it possible for the other party to introduce variations in speaking tone or body language/gestures. Secondly, it introduces a timeliness element, whereby the aspie needs to interpret the conversation and respond within a very short time frame.
Until very recently, I thought my over-reliance on the written medium (writing / email / Chatting / SMS-ing) was due to my deafness. It's now becoming obvious that this is an aspie trait.
Personality Labels on Aspergers People
This is probably a whole topic in itself but I just want to touch on it briefly now - I'll discuss it a length some other time.
Parents take note - this topic does concern your children
The way in which an aspie deals with the problems of their language interpretation delay will shape them as an adult. This typically happens during their school years.
I don't know if there's a middle road to this or not. I haven't found one yet.
Wordplay and Jokes
There seems to be a widespread belief amongst doctors and related practitioners that asperger's people don't get jokes, don't understand metaphors, and don't read body-language. This is wrong, very wrong.
From what I can gather, based on my own experiences and on reading posts from a lot of other aspies, wordplay is fun and we definitely understand it. Also surprisingly, aspie children understand it too. My earlier post with my son talking about becoming a joey illustrates that.
I'm inclined to say that not only do aspies understand wordplay but that they may often be better at it than non-aspies. Due, at least in part, to their need/ability to consider multiple-meanings for phrases. I touched on this in my earlier post.
So, where's the problem then?
It seems that the problem is based mainly around the time taken to interpret a conversation.
In terms of jokes, the problem can be in the time taken to "switch modes" from serious to humorous interpretation. Note that aspergers people often have no problems watching comedy television because they're expecting a comic slant on words and phrases.
The Delay in Action
Conversations aren't designed for pauses. You're not given much time to consider the meaning of something you here. I know that often I feel pressured to respond to a comment made by someone in a "timely fashion". All too frequently, a few seconds later, I'll become aware of something that changes the entire meaning of what was just said.
It may be that the tone suggested something else, or that there was a dual-meaning word or that the person was using some sort of mannerism or gesture. Whatever the source, the new information completely changes the context of the person's statement and I feel like an idiot.
[An Aside: There's some research (apparently) which suggests that Aspergers people gather data first, then interpret - compared to non-aspergers who do both simultaneously. I haven't seen that research yet, but will keep a lookout for it]
Writing versus Talking
Talking face-to-face or via telephone presents the aspie with two problems. First of all, it makes it possible for the other party to introduce variations in speaking tone or body language/gestures. Secondly, it introduces a timeliness element, whereby the aspie needs to interpret the conversation and respond within a very short time frame.
Until very recently, I thought my over-reliance on the written medium (writing / email / Chatting / SMS-ing) was due to my deafness. It's now becoming obvious that this is an aspie trait.
Personality Labels on Aspergers People
This is probably a whole topic in itself but I just want to touch on it briefly now - I'll discuss it a length some other time.
Parents take note - this topic does concern your children
The way in which an aspie deals with the problems of their language interpretation delay will shape them as an adult. This typically happens during their school years.
- If your child responds in a completely off-the-wall mode, (misinterpretations can cause funny results), then that child is more likely to become a class clown. I fell into that category. The social label tends to be that they're a loony / crazy, funny etc.
- If your child tends to get annoyed when they misinterpret something they're more likely to be classified as arrogant or crabby. I've read posts from a lot of people who have unfortunately been given this social label.
- If your child persists in trying to correct his or her mistakes, they get classified as pedantic, serious or square.
I don't know if there's a middle road to this or not. I haven't found one yet.
Comments
If you have problems on the phone but not in a face-to-face situation then it's likely that you've learned to rely on visual cues to determine people's moods, intentions and even conversation start and end points.
I expect that if you had a conversation with someone and kept your eyes closed throughout, you'd experience exactly the same problems.
There's not a lot of research on the subject (one of the reasons I hope this blog is unique) but it's mentioned in a lot of forums.
There's a funny paragraph in Tony Attwood's complete guide to Asperger's Syndrome P218 where a caller asked an aspie if her sister was there. Her sister wasn't in the room, so she said "No" and hung up.
I've been classified as all three at one time or another, depending on my mood, the situation, how well people know me, etc.
I, too, wish I could get to the bottom of my phone phobia. It's one of the biggest obstacles in my life, both professional and private.
I hate phonecalls, I never know what to say, I get a little panicky...It's horrible. Whenever I'm supposed to call someone, I always practice first; to ensure I won't make any mistakes. Whenever someone calls me, I tend to talk really slow and to other people it seems like I don't really care about what they say. I only sound cheerful when saying goodbye, because I can hang up.
Once my cousin called me and asked how I was (which is a normal part of a conversation) and I said: "I'm okay. WHY?" So I tend to react really weird.
But most times I get into trouble when I give an inappropriate response to what they've said (whether I've actually been listening or not) and they'll ask me what I meant by my response.
So yeah...no phone convos for me unless I absolutely have to!
As to talking on the phone, I also am very uncomfortable with it. One of the problems with it, for me, is that a phone call means somebody has to tell me something urgently... That isn't really what happens all the time, but it's the way I feel about it. If somebody calls me rather than texts or emails me, I assume something very important is happening RIGHT NOW. As a result, I can't call others unless I feel there is a dire need, as well. If somebody calls me expecting chitchat, I first have to realize that nothing huge happened. Second, I realize that I'm about to be forced into a conversation. At that, all your points about not knowing the cues of conversation becomes my big concern. "Are they done talking? Was he being sarcastic or is he actually asking me that? What do I say in response? Gosh, I really don't care about this nonsense he's rambling on about. Wait, is he expecting me to respond now? Shoot, he's expecting something sympathetic. Umm, umm..."
(Think "You're so stupid" and "Your Momma" jokes.)
What I hate is not knowing what to say next, not knowing ahead of time what the person calling me wants, and that I can't see their face. I was mostly deaf for a few months beforing turning 1-year-old, so it's hard for me to hear people completely unless I can see their face (not that I'm deaf now, but I do have some hearing loss in my left ear from my violin).
If I'm calling a company about some specific request or question, I always write down what I'm going to say, so I can read it and not forget anything.
And if I don't have anything to say, I'm silent. Even on the phone. To this day I don't know how to continue conversation if a previous topic hasn't reminded me of something.
Thank God for caller ID. I answer calls from the grand kids, only.
Wish I'd known all this fifty years ago.
Text is another medium where there is confusion. To me it's like I'm stripped of all the coping mechanisms I've developed for conversation and I have no idea the intention behind something if it has multiple meanings. I had a professor in college write on my final evaluation that he "appreciated my candour". I really had no idea how to take that statement. Was he mocking me? Was he serious in his appreciation? Did he just have nothing else to say in regards to my efforts in his class so all he could point out was my Aspian nature? Because in my experience, people don't generally like blunt truth -- it's too coarse and, well, honest. Makes Them uncomfortable because some kind of etiquette about refraining from such open honesty.
I agree with something said about phone calls: I practice what to say and have a mental list of stock responses. Between the anxiety they cause me when I don't have a stock response ready and my hearing troubles I avoide phone calls whenever possible. Like text I have a hard time with auditory cues and end up embarrassing myself more often than not... and when I do, I'm very likely to never speak to that person again, ever.
As for the double meaning thing and conversation... if I speak before I consider the meanings, I obviously take it literally and come out with a response that, once pointed out what they intended me to understand or if I clue in myself post running my gob, well... very embarrassed and often tempted to explain my unique brain structure. (Like the time the vet said she was glad I kept the kittens together when I adopted a litter. I had them in the same cage and told her it made sense, they were still small and could comfort each other that way... she meant adopting the whole litter. My typical post revelation response: oh.)
I do have a question about communication in other Aspies that I've not seen information regarding. When I'm trying to communicate, if I get frustrated trying to explain, I sometimes get locked in a bit of selective mutism, but it is often coupled with tears I don't feel I have a reason to be crying. I can't speak and my eyes are pouring and that just makes it worse because I know I'm not upset just frustrated... which frustrates me even more. Have you, or anyone who might read this, heard of this? Maybe someone has some suggestions?