Article: Valentine's Day - "Are Aspies Capable of Love"
With today being valentine's day for the rest of the world (It was valentine's day yesterday in Australia), my "Are Aspies Capable of Love?" article has been reprinted by Autism West Midlands.
Glad you re-posted this article. The Aspie needs "smiles and hugs" . . . ARRGGG! If only he (my "he", as you know) would do X, Y, and Z practical things (that make no sense to him, but are what I want and need), the smiles and hugs could come so much more freely and more often.
I always appreciate you sharing your comments and wisdom, Gavin. Thank you!
I'm failing to articulate exactly what I mean but i'll pose the question - basically this article gives the impression that it's easy to love an AS person - ie all they need are smiles and hugs?? I somehow wonder and then of course there is the 'spectrum' placement that may cause drastic differences in how they approach emotion ... I'm not going to deny there are any but it does seem to be non-existent; ie not that it's not there at all 'seem to be' implies that it's almost 'repressed' or 'hidden' (maybe due to a lack of comprehension about what they're feeling. I find that empathy seems to be a rare occurrence too - THAT said... here is my poorly articulated question: Question... for someone who may have AS, not diagnosed... is the possibility of rationalising emotions present? In other words, where smiles & hugs are a standard acceptable option, this person rationalises with NT ideas - respect, etc? Has very clear distinctions on a separation if love vs sex... ie can explore physical relationships then walk away seemingly unfeeling but happy to remain friends ... is it possible that early poor parenting / difficult school time with peers / later relationship injuries from lies and manipulation could cause an AS person to over rationalise emotion thus leading to this appearance of a 'lack' of emotion??
According to wikipedia , stimming is; "a jargon term for a particular form of stereotypy, a repetitive body movement (often done unconsciously) that self-stimulates one or more senses in a regulated manner. It is shorthand for self-stimulation, and a stereotypy is referred to as stimming under the hypothesis that it has a function related to sensory input." The wikipedia article then goes on to propose some theories about the function of stimming and how it is designed to provide nervous system arousal. The theory being that it helps autistic people "normalize". I'm not sure how much I believe that theory - I helps us relax and it feels good... but normalize?? Not sure. The most commonly cited form of stimming is body rocking. Such is the prevalence of this form of stimming in Hollywood films concerning autism that you could be forgiven for thinking that autistic people stim by rocking most of the time. How far does stimming go? Stimming is much more than just...
In part one, we looked at the role that Change Resistance plays in causing aspies to suddenly go "cold" in otherwise good relationships. This time, I want to look at self esteem and depression; Self Esteem The aspie relationship with themselves is tedious at best. People with Asperger's commonly suffer from low self esteem. As discussed in earlier posts, this low self esteem often results from years of emotional turmoil resulting from their poor social skills. Aspies are often their own worst enemy. They can over analyze situations and responses in an effort to capture lost nonverbal communication. This often causes them to invent problems and to imagine replies. Everything made up by aspies will tend to be tainted with their own self image. This is one of reasons that people with Asperger's will sometimes decide that they are not good enough for their partner and that they must let them go. Sometimes, the aspie will develop a notion of chivalry or self-sacrific...
Although the answer to this question may seem simple, it recurs with alarming regularity on aspie forums everywhere. Often, it is confused with the aspie's ability to find a partner or the famous aspie empathy problems - these are different things altogether which I'll hopefully discuss in follow-up posts. Emotional Behavior in Aspies Aspies are very capable of loving but they often confuse the issue by adopting an altogether too rigid view of love. Despite popular mis-belief, aspies are generally fairly emotional beings. We have intense feelings of happiness and even more intense feelings of sadness. The smallest triggers can produce huge emotional responses in us. While a bad day at work may make an NT grumpy, it could make an aspie feel suicidal. Similarly, when something good happens an aspie may seem to be over-reacting or overly happy. Most aspie adults have long since learned to control excessive displays of happiness but it's very apparent in aspie children...
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I always appreciate you sharing your comments and wisdom, Gavin. Thank you!
Aspie Wife, Aspie Mom
Question... for someone who may have AS, not diagnosed... is the possibility of rationalising emotions present? In other words, where smiles & hugs are a standard acceptable option, this person rationalises with NT ideas - respect, etc? Has very clear distinctions on a separation if love vs sex... ie can explore physical relationships then walk away seemingly unfeeling but happy to remain friends ... is it possible that early poor parenting / difficult school time with peers / later relationship injuries from lies and manipulation could cause an AS person to over rationalise emotion thus leading to this appearance of a 'lack' of emotion??