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Bullies and Bullying - An Introduction

This post marks the start of a series on bullies and bullying. I'm hoping to cover bullying in primary/elementary school all the way through to the workplace. Along the way, I'll try to provide some handy hints for reducing the impact of bullying and I'll point out some of the ways in which we could be considered bullies ourselves.

Bullying can become quite a problem for people with Asperger's Syndrome. In fact, a child who suffers intense bullying at school can develop into an adult with major life issues. It is a serious problem which won't go away by itself.


What are Bullies?
At it's simplest, bullying is a "dislike of the unlike" carried out in the form of a regular "campaign" against minority groups and/or individuals.

It usually takes a powerful kind of "hate" to be a bully which means that there are usually (fortunately) far fewer bullies than "normal people". Unfortunately however bullies exert their own influence over weak-minded or easily intimidated "stooges".

It's important to recognize the ringleadeer bullies apart from the stooges because no matter how many stooges you remove, a bully can always find more (there's no shortage of "stupid" following people). Cut the head from a bully cell however and the entire cell usually dies.

Did I make this sound like a war against terrorism? Well, sadly it is. Make no mistake, bullies are the lowest form of life that our kids will meet at school.

You might think that all you have to do is "hold on" for a few more years or change schools. It doesn't work that way. Bullies act on perceived weaknesses. If you attracted bullies at one school, you're bound to attract them at another. Even worse, if you've been a target for bullies throughout your school life, you'll find that you're a target for them at work.

The change has to happen within you. You have to make yourself less attractive to bullies.

Next Time
In my next post, I'll look at bullying in primary/elementary schools.
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Comments

Gavin Bollard said…
Admittedly, it's a strong turn of phrase (and one that I was hesitant to write) but I'd still consider bullies to be one of the most harmful things that children will find at school.

Their back-story doesn't excuse their actions, it only provides an explanation for them.

Passing misery on never helps anyone.
February 22, 2011 at 11:23 PM
Anonymous said…
I agree that bullies are "the lowest form of life". They certainly made my middle-school years a living hell, and I have now passed the half-century mark and still bear the psychological scars.
February 23, 2011 at 7:13 AM
Dale Yeager SERAPH said…
FREE E Book "3 Myths About Bullying" Http://Profilingyourlife.com/
February 23, 2011 at 7:56 AM
Anonymous said…
I couldn't agree more with that statement. Bullies can do irreparable harm to other children, especially those who have AS. They are predators and they attack at the smallest sign of weakness.
February 23, 2011 at 2:43 PM
Dennis Sanders said…
I would concur with Taoist that the phrase it a bit too strong. A backstory doesn't excuse what they do, but we have to be able to understand why they do what they do.
February 23, 2011 at 4:13 PM
m said…
yikes, i struggled terribly with bullies growing up, so i'm glad to see these posts. i always appreciate your constructive take on issues like this. looking forward to the other posts.
February 25, 2011 at 7:22 AM
Jeff said…
I was one of those bullies for a while until I witnessed some special needs classmates being harassed. From that point on, I changed. I even volunteered with the Special Olympics to make up for my past actions.
February 25, 2011 at 10:32 AM
Anonymous said…
Most of my bullies were children of the staff and they were able to get away with bullying me.
August 10, 2011 at 7:43 AM
Anonymous said…
there are a few things that cause life long dysfunction and dramtically impair basic trust/relational issues as much as repeated bullying does and 94% of aspies have had repreated bullying as children. Child sexual abuse does a bit more damage , as does violent child abuse , but i cant think of any others. So yea bullying ranks right down at the bottom of the barrell of horrible things to do to another human,. Guess it is no suprise that bullying causes transgenerational damage/effects.. and that makes it all the more horrific moral outrage against humanity. lets not forget that when nations decide to bully another nation , its called war of intimidation or actual bombs. people who like to bully grow up into leaders of countries who like to bully other nations/peoples and start wars. jb
August 12, 2012 at 9:21 AM
Anonymous said…
when i think of our usa leaders /politicians who have gotten the usa into wars,over the decades, i often wonder how much bullying they did as children to other children. jb
August 12, 2012 at 9:24 AM
Anonymous said…
I was bullied in elementary school . I am aspie . Nobody in school leaders cares . My mom and dad bought me some barbells for xmas one year and I began lifting wts. After you get ALOT of mucscle on you bullies/every one leaves you alone ---my sister later told me most of the guys were afraid of me due to my size and my aspie stare.eyes, ..etc....then I always hung out with the kids who had no feinds. My aspie concentration and pain tolerance gave me a huge advantage when it came to lifting weights. I tell my children "your freind is the kid who has no freinds"....thats my law. jb
August 12, 2012 at 9:32 AM
Unknown said…
It's fun to think about this, as an aspie I was bullied, until I baceme a psicological bully... on thinking/mental terms I had always the upper hand and was able to twist their words and frieds against them...

Then they resort to the one thing my strongest muscle is weak, physical attacks... with experience and a lot of pain, and bruises, I learned to use the world against them... and you could say this is wrong and violence just brings more violence... but, I always had to figth 1 single figth at every school/highSchool/college I have been at... choose my ground and win the war on one battle... the rest of the year was peaceful...


The best part, I was the one suspended from school, not them.
March 18, 2013 at 1:55 AM
Unknown said…
It's fun to think about this, as an aspie I was bullied, until I baceme a psicological bully... on thinking/mental terms I had always the upper hand and was able to twist their words and frieds against them...

Then they resort to the one thing my strongest muscle is weak, physical attacks... with experience and a lot of pain, and bruises, I learned to use the world against them... and you could say this is wrong and violence just brings more violence... but, I always had to figth 1 single figth at every school/highSchool/college I have been at... choose my ground and win the war on one battle... the rest of the year was peaceful...


The best part, I was the one suspended from school, not them.
March 18, 2013 at 1:56 AM
Miguel Palacio said…
I do agree that many bullies were once bullied or continue to be bullied themselves. And there is also the risk of those who are bullied going on to develop and become bullies themselves.

And, in my opinion this goes from micro to macro, as in from individuals who are bullied to groups of people who are bullied, to entire nations that are bullied/persecuted. They can turn around and then bully/persecute other groups of people or nations. I'm sure you can find some examples.
April 13, 2015 at 1:45 PM
Cara said…
Yes.
Scarred.
Forever.
My first bully was my mother. She didnt mean to. My second bully was my sister. She only bullied me and grew up into a kind and compassionate woman. They taught me that it was normal to be bullied. Children of bullies do not always grow into bullies themselves. I always attracted bullies and repelled normal relationships. As an adult, everyone tells you to grow up and get over it. Scarred for life. Own it but keep it inside. If it taught you compassion instead of how to be a bully, cherish that part and take care of yourself.
October 3, 2017 at 11:05 PM
Cara said…
I am reading this in 2017....
October 3, 2017 at 11:07 PM
Aspie girl said…
I'm so glad you wrote bullies are the lowest form of life. So many people say bullies are just 'misunderstood' and 'they're just kids,' 'It's just a game, their way of showing you they like you,' and other such nonsense.

I also thought when I grow up, I won't run into bullying anymore. Only kids do it. Of course, as a grownup, I ran into much more severe bullying. It doesn't end until you do something to stop it.

Bullies should be punished severely, and that includes kids.

Also, little aspies should learn marshal arts. I did, and it did wonders for my self-esteem. I know it poses a challenge for an aspie, for many reasons, but it can be done. And I was the best student ever.
May 2, 2018 at 3:40 PM
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